Rêverie
by el cielo es azul
Summary: A terrible attack leaves Bella Swan's life in shambles, forcing her to flee Phoenix with her father to Forks to lead a quiet existence. She thinks she can handle the danger in her new life alone, but can she handle the danger stirring within her?
1. Preface: Before the Dawn

Disclaimer: All characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer. I do not own Twilight. Obviously.

Hey everyone. This is kind of a weird idea I had for a plot, and it may or may not work. This is my first fanfic, so go easy on me ( :

Reviews make my day!

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_I was too afraid to look back. Sweating and panting to the point of hyperventilation, I ran as fast as I possibly could away from the man behind me, who seem to gain tremendous speed with each lithe movement he took towards me. I slid and tripped over rocks and even the slightest changes in the pavement as I sprinted down the darkened city streets. I could faintly hear Charlie calling my name in a panic, somewhere far behind me in the distance, closer to the light and traffic of the crowded streets of Phoenix. The man had gotten me right where he wanted me – away from the public eye, deep into the night of a few scarcely wandered back roads._

_I thought I heard him chuckle as he suddenly bounded in front of me at a lightning pace. I skipped to a stop and fell backwards, never once tearing my horrified gaze from his bright red eyes. My mouth opened into a scream, but the sound was lodged in my gut. All I could do was stare at those eyes. _

"_No use running from me, darlin'," the man said, edging towards me with every word that seemed to roll off his tongue like silk. However, the soft, musical voice only increased my dread. I shook wildly and I struggled for a coherent thought, only managing to choke out, "Wh-who are you? Why…"_

_He suddenly knelt down in front of me and my muscles instantly responded – I jumped up from the cement and pressed my back against the fence behind me that blocked my escape. He simply smirked at this, flashing a row of painfully white, glistening teeth that looked almost pointed._

"_You want to know who I am, little girl? I'm an old friend of your daddy's. A real special friend," he grinned, "that went along with old Charlie for a long time 'til one day we got in a fight and weren't friends no more," he took a step forward, "and that's what brought me here, honey. Your daddy took somethin' nice from me and now I'm just returning the favor." The man was now standing only three inches from my face, which felt as though all the color had been drained. His eyes pierced into my own with blazing ferocity._

_He wanted to kill me._

_I gripped the chain links of the fence pressed against my back and, trying to breathe steadily, stared at the man in front of me. I had to distract him. Anything, I had to do anything I could to keep him from killing me until Charlie got here._

"_H-how…" I gritted my teeth to stop them from chattering before I spoke again, "How did you find us?"_

_The man licked his lips hungrily as he studied my poorly masked expression of terror. "I'm the best damn tracker in my coven, darlin'. I could've found you two if you had been hidin' in an underground bomb shelter." _

_My thoughts became frantic. Coven? Tracker? Who was this man? But before I could respond, he grabbed both my wrists from the fence in an icy deadlock and hissed, "Now," his voice a whisper as he licked his lips again, "quit the small talk, little girl. We don't want your daddy finding you a mess... if he ever finds you." His lips curled up into another frightening grin. "Damn, girl, you smell real nice…" _

_I was shaking uncontrollably at this point. Where was Charlie? I knew he had been chasing after us, he heard me yell for him before we rounded that corner… I felt desperate now. I was going to die at any second and nobody was here to save me._

"_CHARLIE!" I screamed hopelessly, "CHAR…"_

_The man quickly covered my mouth and bared his teeth. "Hush now. No need to start the screamin'. Now," he crooned, "this won't hurt a bit."_

_He suddenly pushed me hard against the fence and ripped the scarf loosely tied around my neck in half, casting it aside, and with a stab of shock and fear I saw a flash of teeth as he dove into my neck, piercing the thin layer of skin at the base of my throat and to my utter horror, began sucking the blood from my veins._

_The dark night sky became fuzzy and spun above me, my eyes rolling back in my head as the man stole the very life from my body. I felt myself losing consciousness, the world becoming dark around me as my entire body screamed with burning pain. In my mind's eye, I saw Renee and Charlie's sunlit faces, smiling at me with love and affection and my whole being cried out to see them one last time before… _

_The last thing I remembered was my heart skipping a beat at the sound of Charlie's horrified voice so close to my ear, screaming, "NO! BELLA!" and something being pried loose from my neck. And then all went black, and for what seemed like an eternity, when I was conscious, there was only ripping, searing pain shaking me to my very core and fire all though my veins…_


	2. Great Expectations

Disclaimer: All characters belonging to SM.

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"Bella. We're here."

I cracked open one eye to glare at whoever dared to disturb me as I came out of my trance, yet another one of my half-dreams, my face still pressed against the window of the backseat.

Charlie shook me gently again. "Come on, Bella. Get up. Look outside, we're here."

I rubbed my red-rimmed eyes and stretched my cramped limbs. I stole a quick glance at the house we had pulled up in front of in Charlie's police cruiser and unbuckled my seatbelt. The car ride from the airport had been long and silent, and I had been wide awake and a little too jumpy on the plane. I reluctantly stepped out of the car, blinking in the grayish light of the early afternoon, thankful the weather hadn't changed much since I was last here, and would be consistently gloomy save for a few weeks of sunlight year round. I looked at my surroundings – the house, the empty road, the woods next to the house – yes, this was Forks as I vaguely remembered it. And now this was home.

After I had meticulously unpacked my belongings into my old room upstairs and taken a much-needed shower, I went downstairs looking for Charlie. He was, as expected, sitting in the living room, sifting through a photo album from many, many years ago. He looked over at me and I came and sat next to him on the worn-out couch. I silently watched as he slowly went through each page with tremendous care, tracing his index finger along the edges of the faded photographs. He had stopped at the last page, his finger poised on the edge of a Polaroid of him and Renee in front of a beautiful mountain view, her arms wrapped around his waist. He was grinning hugely as though he had just won first prize in the county fair, Renee looking blissful.

Renee. I felt a little ache in my chest and looked away.

After several minutes, Charlie sighed and closed the album, tucking it carefully back in the sparsely stocked bookshelf beside the couch. He turned to look at me.

"It's been a while since you've been here, Bella. I always hoped you would come and stay here with me, to keep me company. I guess now I got my wish," he gazed at me sadly and lightly rested his hand on my forearm. "But I didn't want it to be like this. For _you_ to…"

A shadow passed over my face and he immediately withdrew his hand. He didn't bother finishing his sentence. This was how most of our conversations had gone since we left Phoenix.

He had only really come to Phoenix in the first place to visit and "babysit" me for a week while Renee and Phil were off to some minor-league baseball event up in Scottsdale. I had never known Charlie very well – yes, he was my father, but he had never been around when I was growing up. I would only visit him maybe two or three weeks per year.

When Phil moved in, everything changed, and I started to really hate living in the same house as him and Renee. Eventually, her motherly instincts kicked in and she finally noticed that I was spending more and more time locked up in my room. Out of worry, Renee asked Charlie to come down to Arizona to hang out with me while she was away. I guess she never anticipated that he was going to be followed. But I guess he didn't either.

And, as it happens, I still wasn't ready to talk about it like that yet. Once Charlie had been able to properly explain to me what had happened to me and what we had to do, all I asked for was the basics: what exactly had I turned into, how long did I need to be kept under close supervision before I was allowed to resume a normal life – or as close to normal as I could manage, what to do until then, and what to do when I got thirsty.

_Thirsty_ wasn't really the right word for it, though. Since I woke up a month and two weeks ago, it has been more along the lines of, well, _ravenous._

The first two weeks had been the worst. They wouldn't let me out anywhere. I guess I could understand that, I had been half-crazed and completely dying of thirst. All I can really remember was that their faces, that room, absolutely everything was in a haze of red. And the worst part was, there hadn't been any relief to my temporary insanity. Never. It was like a nightmare, but I wasn't sleeping – because I _couldn't_ – and it never went away.

It took a month for me to learn to sort of control my thirst. They told me I had a gift, a gift of some kind of self-control that practically saved me from a good year or two of fighting myself, fighting the urge to kill every human that had the misfortune of me catching their scent. Of course I wanted them, and the thirst burned like fire, but now I could almost swallow the pain entirely and coexist with what would have been my prey. I could live – well, if you can call it living – and never kill a human. Animals could be enough to last me forever. They have to be.

But still, ever since I changed, I have been aching for blood. The smell of it alone makes my mouth water and I can taste the venom on my tongue, and it sickens me. I sicken myself. The fact that I couldn't even handle hugging my mother goodbye when I practically fled my home and life in Phoenix pains me every day. I hate myself for what I've become, but so help me, if I have to live this way, I will do it right. No one is going to get hurt.

I got up from the couch, and before turning to walk out the front door towards the woods, I gave Charlie a meaningful look, the best forgiving look I could muster. He needed to know I still love him, and God knows I try.

I swiftly stalked out the front door and broke into a quick jog into the woods. I gulped down the burning sensation growing in my throat and let my senses take over. I almost immediately picked up a scent and followed it, winding through trees deeper and deeper into the forest. I knew it could be hours before I felt I was strong enough to return – unfortunately, I had to start going back to school tomorrow and I needed every last drop I could swallow.

When I got home later that night I was taken by surprise. As I trudged up to Charlie's gravel driveway, I took notice of another car parked next to Charlie's cruiser and the old beat-up truck he had kept in considerable repair for as long as I had known him. I hopped up the front steps and opened the door cautiously, peering in the front hallway into the kitchen.

Billy Black sat with my father at the kitchen table, Charlie leaning attentively towards him as he spoke in a subdued, husky tone. They all looked up sharply when I stepped into the room.

Billy studied my face for a long time, a carefully masked expression on his face, obviously making in effort to look at me as impassively as possible. I wavered a little at his stare and turned to look questioningly at Charlie. He quickly cleared his throat and Billy broke his gaze to look at him.

"Bella," Charlie greeted uncertainly, nodding towards me, "you remember Billy and Jacob Black," motioning towards Billy and his son, who had been leaning on the counter behind them, straightening up as he was addressed. Jacob made no effort to conceal his shock as he looked into my widened, reddish topaz eyes. He took an unsteady step back and balanced himself by resting his hand on the back of Charlie's chair. I was feeling more uncomfortable by the second. _What is going on?_

"Uh, yeah," I spoke hastily, looking down as I played with the hem of my shirt, "Nice to see you again."

"It's…" Jacob replied warily in a voice much like his father's, "It's good to have you back, Bella. Haven't seen you in ages," He managed a small smile as he watched me with curious, dark eyes.

I tugged at a strand of my hair and looked at Charlie anxiously. _What are they doing here? What was Charlie's explanation for why I'm here? _Billy's strange look only confirmed my suspicions. They knew something was off. _What should I do? Should I run? Charlie knows I'm no good at lying… _

As if right on cue, Billy spoke up, making eye contact with Charlie although he addressed me, as if expecting to be stopped at any time. "Bella, your father informed us of your… condition."

I froze in shock.

_He didn't._

Unwavering, Billy continued. "As you know, I have been a friend to Charlie for many years and I know he had handled himself with nothing less than perfect behavior since he settled in Forks. I am confident," he said, now turning to me with a mixture of sympathy and expectation, "that he will raise you in your new life to do the same. Jacob and I are aware your first month has been difficult, yet miraculously successful when it comes to matters of finding proper…" he seemed to struggle with his words for a second, "…sustenance. But your father seems to be assured that in a short time, you will become completely under your own control again and resume the closest thing to your circadian cycle. And so," placing his folded hands on the table and setting his intense gaze on me again, "Jacob and I will be here for you wherever and whenever you need us. Please don't hesitate to contact us at any time while you…" he hesitated, "settle in."

I took turns starting at him and my father in disbelief.

A million thoughts buzzed through my head, but only one question made it through: "You know about us?"

Billy's calm expression did not change. "As I said before, I have been a friend to Charlie for many years. I have known for a long time who he really is – " he broke off to cast Charlie a complaisant glance, " – and how he has to live. I have accepted these things with the knowledge that he is no threat to me, my family, or anyone else living in Forks. And I can accept you, too, if you choose to remain harmless to us and the people of this town."

I fidgeted where I stood and wrung my hands, searching for the best way to help him understand. I didn't know myself anymore, and I doubt Charlie really did either. How could I agree to what they were saying? I was not the perfectly behaved… vampire – I hated using the word – … which Charlie was. I was still trying to figure all of this out. How could they expect me to live a normal life in Forks as if I wasn't the monster I truly was? How could they be so certain I wasn't going to snap at any given moment and tear this town apart?

I hated that I even had to _ask _myself these questions.

But I knew I had to try my best. Not for them – not even for Charlie. If I was going to struggle against myself to keep my neighbors and distant family friends out of harm's way and learn to control my extreme strengths and weaknesses for the sake of normalcy, I'd be doing it for Renee. After leaving her, I owed her that much, at least.

I looked up at Billy and Jacob with a new fire of determination in my eyes. I knew I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and what horrors might await me in the near future as my changed self, but if I was going to live like this, I wouldn't be a villain. At my very best, I would be a slightly disturbed junior in high school, retaining as much mystery shrouding my personal life as I possibly could.

High school. Now _that _is going to be a trip.

I shook off the pessimistic ideas I had of what my first day at the new school would be like and shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to maintain eye contact with Billy as I spoke softly.

"I wont let you guys down."

Billy smiled warmly, relief washing over his features. Jacob remained standing far from me, gazing at me with interest and awe. I returned his gaze and managed a tight smile.

"Jacob," Billy said suddenly, turning to look at his son, "we should probably get going and let Charlie and Bella rest. They must be exhausted from their trip." He began wheeling himself away from the kitchen table and Jacob was swiftly behind him, pushing his worn wheelchair forward and past me towards the front door. Billy touched my hand lightly as he passed me, "see you soon, Bella." He abruptly pulled his hand away, slightly wincing at the icy marble of my skin. Internally, I winced a little too. My ridiculously low body temperature probably made my touch cause normal humans to prickle with cold, making me feel even less human than I already was.

As soon as they were out the door and out of earshot, I turned to Charlie and opened my mouth to speak, but he raised a hand to silence me.

"I know, Bells, I should have warned you I was going to let the Blacks in on this. I'm sorry. But they are very close friends of mine, so I'd appreciate it if you just allow them to be in the know about your progress here," he looked at me pleadingly, "because they just want what's best for you. Like me."

I looked into his rueful eyes and felt a knotting in my stomach. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel worse than he already did.

"I know, Ch-…Dad. I know. And I'm not angry with you," I added, "…about any of this. I know you're still feeling guilty. But I'm going to be okay. Promise," I forced a half-hearted smile. "I'm going to pull it together and life will go on."

"This isn't the life I wanted for you," he suddenly seethed, shooting up from his chair and pacing the floor angrily. "I can't believe I let this happen," his brought his fist down furiously on the counter, causing it to dent and crack into pieces beneath his clenched hand. "My only child… forced to live in this purgatory…"

He whirled around to face me again, stepping forward and putting his hands on my shoulders. I cringed a little under this sudden gesture. After the incident, I still didn't like being touched, by men especially. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, eyes full of sadness, "I will never let anyone hurt you again. You're safe with me now and I will be the best damn father I can be."

I gently removed Charlie's hands from my shoulders, giving them a quick pat before I let them fall to his sides. "You don't have to keep apologizing, Dad. It wasn't your fault."

Charlie gazed at me agonizingly and then went to sit down at the table, putting his head in his hands and sighing. "You should probably go to your room and rest, Bells. You're starting school tomorrow," he mumbled.

I looked down at my feet and bit my lip at the very thought. School was going to be a trial. And Charlie was right; I needed the rest.

I gave him a parting glance and padded upstairs to my room. The lights were off save for one lamp on an old hand-me-down desk from Charlie that he had brought down from the attic. It was a little dusty but in fairly good shape. I plopped down in the chair and opened up my only carry-on from the flight early this morning: a shoddy old, green Jansport backpack. I pulled out my tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights_ and began reading.

" '_On the morrow, I was sad; partly because you were poorly, and partly because that I wished my father knew, and approved of my excursions: but it was beautiful moonlight after tea; and, as I rode on, the gloom cleared. I shall have another happy evening, I thought to myself; and what delights me more, my pretty Linton will…' "_

And then, in a flash, the reverie struck me full-force.

_It was the dead of night, and I was sprinting through the woods. _

_Branches and limbs whipped at my face as I neared a clearing – and there it was, the huge, white house I had been searching for._

_I scrambled to the side of the house and scaled its side, hoisting myself onto a balcony. My heart, had it been able to beat, would be skipping out of my chest, pulse racing as I stood there on the balcony, waiting._

_I saw my reflection in the glass of the screen door: a soft, pale white face with wide golden eyes framed by dark tresses that flowed down past my bare shoulders. _

_And then, the door slid open silently and a shadow emerged, arms reaching out for me, its eyes burning golden like my own… _

Something made a loud _clack _as it hit the floor, and I started out of my trance. My eyes flew open, wildly searching the room as I scrambled to pick up my book.

It was so _vivid. _It was so… _real._

And that was the night my_ real_ half-dreams began.


	3. Behind Blue Eyes

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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When I finally dragged myself downstairs the next morning, Charlie was already up, waiting patiently as he poured orange juice into a pair of mugs. I tossed my backpack on a chair and greeted him quietly, "Morning, Dad."

"Hey, Bells," he smiled easily at me, his eyes bright with a sort of subdued excitement. I wonder what he was so happy about this morning. I looked at him, puzzled, and quickly fixed a bowl of cereal before sitting down and opening my book – this morning I was reading _Jane Eyre_, I was a sucker for Brontë novels – and immersing myself in its literary beauty.

Only a few minutes passed before Charlie cleared his throat and spoke. "So, you'll be needing a ride to school this morning, right?"

I glanced up at him briefly before returning my eyes to my book. "Yeah," I said nonchalantly, "if that's okay with you. I mean, if you can't that's okay too. I suppose I could just…run…"

Charlie looked at me with a horrified expression. "No! Of course not! I just meant that I think you should take the truck," he paused to fish in the pockets of his uniform police jacket, "you know, just so you don't feel embarrassed to have your old man driving you to school…"

I chuckled lightly, shaking my head as I got up to put my bowl in the sink. "I would never be embarrassed of you, Dad." I slung my backpack on my shoulder and started to leave. He grinned at me, following me out the front door, and then pulled out a set of keys from his pocket.

"Catch," he said, tossing them at me. There were three keys on the ring, unlabeled and looked as though they'd never been used more than once or twice.

"One's for the front door, one's for the back, and one's for your new car. Er, well – new to you. She's been hanging out here for a while now. But she's in okay shape, a real trooper all right."

I looked from the keys to him and back again and stepped out into the driveway. "Are you saying you're giving me your truck? _That_ truck, right there?" I said incredulously, pointed to the timeworn red truck parked on the gravel next to Charlie's cruiser. Charlie faltered a little at my visage.

"Well, I know she's kind of beat, but I swear she runs pretty well. Don't try going over 60 with her though. She won't like that," he tapped the hood of the car affectionately.

"It's perfect. Better than perfect," hugging him gratefully, "Thank you, Dad. I promise I'll take good care of her," I said and mimicked his gesture of affection for the car, patting the hood tenderly as I threw my backpack in the passenger seat. "I'll see you when I get home."

Charlie's expression turned to serious and he walked up to the window as I buckled in. "Take good care of _you_, Bells," he chided.

I gave him a reassuring smile and revved the engine. "I will, Dad." He smiled back and tapped the car once more, signaling I could go.

I adjusted my mirrors, catching a glimpse of my reflection and doing a double-take. I hadn't quite gotten used to my new appearance yet, and I hadn't really looked in mirrors much after the incident. There were purplish rings under my eyes, obviously a product of my eternal insomnia. My dark chestnut hair hung over half of my altogether too pale face, although touches of pink still remained on my lips and cheeks, a remnant of my former tendency to blush frequently when I was human.

The only thing really noticeable about my face, in fact, were usually my eyes – still not quite liquid topaz like Charlie's from many years of his 'vegan' lifestyle, but getting there. Right now their true color was almost entirely hidden under a pair of effective ice-blue contacts. I knew their current copper color would've been a little too unusual in the eyes of the Forks High School students, thus attracting the attention I was trying so fervently to avoid. I had tried to dress as inconspicuously as possible – a black v-neck long sleeved sweater and a pair of dark wash jeans and sneakers. Very normal, human teenager-esque, or at least I liked to think so.

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After finally finding a parking space between a pickup much like my own and a silver Volvo, I shuffled hastily to the attendance office, keeping my head down to elude any curious glances in my direction. When I walked in, the woman at the front desk looked up and greeted me.

"Good morning. You must be Isabella Swan."

A few kids standing by the desk glimpsed up at me and I looked at her, startled. "Bella," I corrected, "how did you know…?"

She smiled and tapped a file she was holding. "We were expecting you'd come by to pick up your schedule." She set a piece of paper on the counter and motioned towards it.

"Oh," I said, blushing, "well, thanks,"

A boy with dark hair next to me peered over at my schedule. "So you're Bella Swan," his glasses glinted as he nodded at me, "My name's Eric. Looks like we both have Government first period. Can I walk you there?"

I fidgeted and picked at my sleeve. "Uh, sure, thanks," I said reluctantly. I didn't like how everyone seemed to know my name already. I had only been here two days, after all.

Once we got to class I quickly found a seat in the back and sat in an uncomfortable silence, trying to hide my face under my hair as some students turned to stare at me. To my relief, Eric found a seat up front and didn't bother trying to strike up another conversation. The walk here had been awkward and I had answered most of his questions with one or two words. I kept my eyes down as I fiddled with a pen on my desk, trying desperately to keep my mind off the smell of the blood pulsing through the humans in front of me. The scent of all of them in such a small classroom made my throat burn and for the rest of class I sat on my hands and ground my teeth together, attempting to remain oblivious to the smell and the sound of their beating hearts. This was going to be a long day.

The next period was just as difficult, and I found myself constantly needing to move to stay preoccupied, fighting my instincts as I sat squirming in my seat until the bell rung. Upon entering my third period Pre Calculus class, I found to my disdain that all the seats in the back were taken. The only available seat was in the front, next to a girl with straight brown hair and wearing a modest deep blue turtleneck. When I sat down, she turned to me and smiled warmly. "Hi, I'm Angela. What's your name?"

I returned her smile gratefully when she did not mention she already knew who I was. "My name's Bella. It's nice to meet you."

Angela engaged me in polite conversation, asking about my classes and how I was liking school. I was relieved when she did not ask about why I had moved here or anything about my previous life. I could definitely like this girl.

She ended up walking me to my next class, chatting about her experience with being the new girl when she moved here as a freshman from Connecticut, and offered me a seat at her table during lunch, which I appreciatively accepted. Maybe today won't be so bad after all…

Of course, I was wrong. Fourth period was nightmarish, to say the least. There were probably thirty or more students in this particular English class, although the classroom was only large enough to accommodate twenty or so, which only fueled the flaming sensation in my throat. I decided it was best to deter myself from breathing this period. I knew I was pushing my luck, because chances were I would have to speak at least once while I was here.

As it happens, I didn't have that kind of luck at all. I had barely sat down when a tall boy with a mop of blonde hair and a big, goofy grin on his face approached my desk. "Hey," he said, sitting in the best in front of me, "I'm Mike Newton. You must be Bella."

I cringed at his loud voice and took a deep breath, hoping it would last me the rest of the period. "Hi. It's nice to meet you, Mike."

He took advantage of the awkward pause that followed, his eyes roving over my figure and then back up my face in an obvious manner that was almost crude. "Yeah, great to meet you, too," he grinned. "I see you've already met Angela." Angela, who was seated next to me, timidly nodded once at Mike and looked back down at her book.

"Yeah," I replied curtly, "I did."

He continued to chatter and question me tirelessly even after the bell rang, prying into the "what's", "when's", and "why's" about my recent move to Forks. I grew steadily more irritated and deterred most of his questions with short, vague answers, wishing he would stop and just turn around and pay attention. I was rubbing my temples with agitation as Mike continued his babble when the teacher suddenly called on me.

"Isabella, what is so profoundly important that you must speak with Mike while I am talking?"

I turned a deep red and looked down at my desk. "Sorry," I said quietly with an embarrassed expression. Mike shrugged apologetically and turned back to face the front of the classroom. I glowered at his back until the bell rang, and I bolted from my seat out the door.

Angela caught up with me as I walked briskly towards my locker. "Sorry about that," she apologized, and I looked up at her confusedly. "Mike, I mean. He can sometimes be annoying, but he means well," she explained.

"That's all right, Angela," I said, shoving some textbooks in my locker, "I don't mind." I gave her a reassuring smile. "Really."

She smiled, relieved. "Okay, good. Are you hungry?"

"Sure," I lied. I didn't want to offend her, and I didn't really have anywhere else to go.

"Great," she beamed, "I can introduce you to my friends."

As we trudged across the quad towards the cafeteria in the grayish light of midday, my nostrils flared and I froze for a split second.

What was that _smell_?

A strange scent wafted from the cafeteria entrance, wrapping around my senses and making me instantly alert, my muscles tensing as if preparing me to fight. It wasn't like any human scent I had ever smelled, if it was even human at all. It was... different, and yet almost vaguely familiar. But my throat did not burn for it. I stood bewildered, trying to reach into the back of my mind for whatever was igniting this hidden instinct and making this smell feel like déjà vu.

Angela turned around when I did not keep walking. "Bella, are you all right?" she said, concerned, taking in my surprised and muddled expression.

I snapped out of it at once and collected myself. "Yeah, of course, sorry about that. I just…" Angela stared at me questioningly and I blanked. "Oh, never mind. Let's go."

The perplexing aroma got stronger when we walked into the brightly lit cafeteria, but I tried to ignore it and followed Angela to her table. Several unfamiliar faces turned up to stare at me as I took a seat across from Angela at the end of the table. A boy with curly brown hair and a curious expression sat to Angela's left. His eyes were kind, and I felt a little more at ease when he nodded at me and smiled. The other people, a blonde girl with a piercing glare rimmed with charcoal eyeliner and a brunette smacking loudly on a piece of gum gave me a disparaging gaze before returning to their conversation, not bothering to say hello.

Angela rolled her eyes at them. "Bella, this is Lauren," pointing to the blonde, "and Jessica." The brunette looked over at me again and gave me a tight smile. Lauren did not acknowledge me again, playing with her hair as she turned her back to me and spoke more quietly to Jessica. My shoulders slumped a little. Nice crowd. "And this is Ben," she said, placing her hand on the curly-haired boy's shoulder, "my boyfriend." A smile lit up his face as she lightly kissed his cheek before returning her attention to me.

I couldn't quite keep up with them as they conversed with each other, and I barely noticed when Mike Newton came bounding up to our table to sit down next to me, and started chatting enthusiastically with Lauren and Jessica. My mind was in such a haze that I even managed to ignore his pokes and prods at me as he tried to include me in the conversation to no avail. All I could think about was the smell that enveloped my senses. My god, that _smell._

Suddenly, I had the distinct urge to pinpoint it, and like magic, my head whipped around and focused on a group sitting in the far corner of the cafeteria. I stared at them with a mixture of shock and awe. They must have been related, because they were all exceedingly pale and undeniably beautiful. There were three boys, a big, muscular one and the other two less obviously so, and two girls, a tall blonde that could've been mistaken for a model and a lovely, petite girl with hair cropped short and black as jet. Although their faces were blank and portrayed no emotion, they sat immersed in a conversation, leaning towards each other attentively over their trays of untouched food. However, their attention was not entirely undivided.

His arms crossed and hands curled into white fists, the boy closest to the window sat stock-still, eyes boring into my own. He had beautiful, messy bronze hair and a perfect pale, chiseled complexion. My insides instantaneously turned to jelly, and if I could've blushed, my face would have been beet-red. He was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen in my entire life, and there he was, glaring at me with a fiery expression of anger and hatred. I instantly withered under his look and turned away, breathing heavily, although it was purely out of habit that I did so.

I counted to ten as my mock-breathing returned to normal, my thoughts running at blinding speed through my head. It was them. Their scent was so foreign to me, and yet so frighteningly familiar. I looked back at them, trying to keep my face composed. The boy by the window had not averted his gaze, and his companions were periodically glancing over at me with unreadable expressions. I faltered, disturbed by the sudden attention. "Who _are_ they?" I accidentally thought out loud.

Angela turned to glance in the same direction, a thoughtful expression coming over her face. "The group of juniors in the far corner?" I nodded slowly. "Those are the Cullens. They're a family who moved here last year. All of the kids were adopted by Dr. Cullen and his wife. They don't say much," she paused as I turned back to look at her, "but maybe they're just shy. I don't really know them." She then took notice of the boy's death glare at me, and give me a quizzical look. "Edward Cullen is giving you the funniest look right now."

I didn't turn back around. _I don't understand this at all. Why doesn't their scent make me thirsty like everyone else's? _I glanced around and tested the air again – the human scents, tantalizing as they were, were practically overridden by the new smell. It both distracted and, strangely enough, _calmed_ me now. For some reason, having it around almost helped me ignore my bloodlust, but at the same time, all my instincts revolved around approaching the scent and eliminating its owner. As far as I was concerned, the Cullens were an antagonistic force that threatened my existence, although I didn't know why or how.

I practically jumped from my seat when the bell rung and the students around me began to pack up their stuff and depart to their next class. Angela grabbed her backpack and waved goodbye to me as she and Ben shuffled out of the cafeteria. Mike Newton shouted, "Bye, Bella!" a little too loudly as he passed in front of me with Lauren and Jessica at his sides, who both took the time to glower at me as they walked out. I frowned at their retreating backs as I picked up my books from the table, and turned to steal one last glance at the Cullens before I left. My brow creased as I frowned again. They were already gone.

When I got to my fifth period Biology class, most of the seats were already taken except for a couple empty ones by the window. I sat down quickly in one of them and listened as the teacher took roll. I effectively tuned him out after he called my name, going in reverse alphabetical order. I stared out the window and did not take much notice of anyone in the classroom until the teacher called out one name twice. "Cullen...Edward Cullen? Is Edward here today?" My attention snapped back to the teacher, and then to the empty seat to my right. _Great_. _Just...great._ It was the last empty seat in the room. I sighed with disdain and returned my gaze out the window, not looking back at that vacant seat, taunting me silently, for the remainder of the period.

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It wasn't until I got in my truck and headed home that all the millions of questions and doubts that had been buzzing though my head since the event in the cafeteria really started to crash down on me. I almost wished I could tune them out like a scratchy FM station on the old radio built into the truck.

I hadn't actually addressed it before, but it wasn't just the fact that I noticed Edward Cullen and family didn't smell human that bothered me so profusely. It was the fact that they noticed _me._ I mean, what was so utterly interesting about me that they had to continually glance at me all through lunch like I was some sickly social pariah? I realized that despite my efforts, I would always stand out among normal teenagers. And maybe that was it. My... transformation, or whatever you want to call it, had made me different. And by different I meant I looked frighteningly less human. I was paler than ever and I looked as though I had been living in a crypt for the past twenty years, with the way my weird topaz eyes were rimmed with purple and blue circles. I wouldn't call myself conventionally _attractive_, but I realized I held some appeal to humans – after all, they were supposed to be my _prey._ I shuddered. The very idea of me being a predator would have amused me a month or two ago. But now it was absolute reality, and well, frankly that scared the crap out of me.

But my encounter with the Cullens scared me more. I knew there was a small chance that they didn't really think much of me at all, and they just _happened _to be looking at the same time that I was, and they just _happened _to smell unlike any other human in that room, and Edward Cullen just _happened_ to be a jerk that glares at people all the time just for the hell of it. But with my luck, that wasn't going to be the case at all. I slammed my hand against the dashboard in frustration, leaving a nice big dent shaped like my palm. A souvenir of my first week at Forks High School.

I was home by this time, and parked in the gravel driveway with the car still stalling. I rubbed my eyes irratatedly; I hated having to wear these stupid blue contacts. Leaning forward towards the rearview mirror, I reached to pluck out one of the loathsome contacts. And before I could even touch my eye, time stopped smoothly and I fell back into my seat in a half-conscious trance.

_It was the same woods, the same path I ran last time. I ripped branches and limbs from my path more vehemently this time, kicking up dirt and roots as I sped towards the big white house. Reaching the clearing, I bounded to its side and tore up the trellis, nearly flying onto the balcony. I watched my reflection closely, eyes smouldering as the screen door slid noiselessly open, another pair of fiery golden meeting mine as I readily reached for the shadow's embrace. But before I could touch its hands, shrouded in black, the eyes turned bright red and I fell back into the night, mouth opening wide into a scream..._

I twisted in my seatbelt and let out a bloodcurdling scream, tearing at my hair and then heaving into dry sobs. Those _eyes_. I had tried so hard to forget and now, there they were, haunting my half-dream and wrenching fear from my unbeating heart. I turned off the stalling car and curled up into fetal position, still buckled into the seat and breathing heavily onto my knees. I want to forget. It was only a dream. Rather, the closest thing I could have to a dream. It wasn't real. I need to forget.

I got out of the car a while later and dragged myself up to my room, throwing myself onto my unmade bed and crawling under the covers. I was nostalgic for sleep, lying here, but I knew it would never come. Staring wistfully at my ceiling, I rubbed my temples with exasperation. How long would these new, more vivid half-dreams go on?

I laughed in spite of myself, remembering the first few weeks as a newborn when, while not struggling to calm my burning thirst, I would try so desperately to sleep. Charlie told me after a while there was really no point, it'd never happen. That I had more important things to concentrate on, like strenghtening myself up for the trip I would soon have to take, away from Phoenix and my former life. How, although I was remarkably calm and controlled the first time he allowed me in public around humans again, I still needed to prepare myself for the flight. But all I could think about was trying to sleep that whole experience away, in the hopes that when I'd wake up it would have been just a bad dream and I'd be human again.

As was expected, I never found sleep, and at the one-month mark of my life as a newborn the half-dreams came. I started calling them that because there wasn't a wink of sleep involved, they were merely pieces of that night in Phoenix when I was almost killed, like bad dreams that I couldn't escape. Or, if i was lucky, brief flashes of memories of my former life, before Charlie came to visit and brought the monsters with him.

But these last half-dreams I had were different. They weren't like bad dreams of the incident in Phoenix or childhood memories. I didn't recognize that house, and I was certain I'd never climbed up the side of a two-story house in my life. So why were they so real? And what do they _mean_?


	4. Close Encounters

Disclaimer: Still not mine…

If I've overlooked grammatical errors and such, I apologize. I was kind of too tired to read through this whole thing again. Anyways, I know I've still left a lot of questions unanswered, and believe me, I _want_ to answer them. But try to be patient, and all will become clear soon. ( :

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I had spent most of my first school night restlessly pacing my room, racking my brain for reasons as to why my half-dreams were changing. All I could come up with was that they were different ever since I moved to Forks, they did not appear to have a specific trigger, and I couldn't snap out of them until they were over. Pathetic. Leave it to me to still have nightmares when I physically couldn't sleep any more.

The second day of school went by remarkably slowly – class went by in a daze and the human voices around me seemed to fade to a dull whisper. I kept my head down as much as possible, in the hopes I would attract less attention than yesterday. Sometimes I wished that, instead of getting amazing self-control as a newborn gift, I had gotten the power of invisibility. It seemed as though the harder I tried to avoid the scrutiny of the public eye, the easier I got myself noticed. But I guess that's what happens when you're a seventeen-year-old newborn vampire who desperately wants to ignore the human race and get ignored by them. You can't have your cake and _avoid _eating it, too.

And so the staring and whispers behind my back – and sometimes in front of it – began. Walking down the hallway, I often caught a few "creep"'s and the occasional "freak show". Oh, how lovely it is to be blessed with supernatural hearing. Somehow, in the 48 hours since I had first stepped onto this campus, I had accumulated both a fan club in the male department and an enemy in the girl's section. Apparently, I had crossed the line the moment I became "friends" with Mike Newton. Lauren and Jessica had probably congregated with a huge angry female mob in the girl's locker room, plotting my assassination as I trudged, disgruntled, to my locker to meet Angela. If only they knew I could rip their heads off whenever I damn well pleased – that would really shut them up.

I remembered with a sudden pique of interest that lunchtime meant we would go to the cafeteria, and the cafeteria meant I would once again see – and smell – the mysterious Cullen family, which would hopefully lead me to draw more conclusions as to why their scent both calmed and infuriated me. Since yesterday, my urge to discover the truth behind their beautiful, porcelain exterior had only grown stronger. I began walking beside Angela across the quad with a new vigor, anxious to see them again.

To my utter disappointment, their table was empty and their scent was gone. They were all gone. The excited fire that had burned through my senses was extinguished at once, leaving only a charred remnant that could only be described as frustration. I needed them to be here. An inexplicable level of anger started to boil in the pit of my stomach. I _wanted_ that scent back. As much as I despised it, I suddenly realized I was beginning to feel attached to the smell. Which meant I was beginning to feel attached to the Cullens. My nostrils flared with my suppressed fury, vision going a blazing shade of red. Including that gorgeous, hateful Edward Cullen.

Later that night, I had padded down the staircase of Charlie's home and walked by the kitchen door in search for my copy of _Wuthering Heights. _I paused at the doorway when I heard my name being whispered by Charlie. I pressed my ear to the closed door to the kitchen and listened. He sounded to be on the phone with someone, and it was clear he was making an effort to speak quietly, so I only caught pieces of his conversation.

"Yes, Billy, I am aware… no, I realized that… I hardly think she would… as long as she stays out of La Push for the time being, I don't think… okay… okay, I'll see to it that she does. Goodnight, Billy."

I darted silently from the door back up to my room as Charlie hung up the phone. Shutting the door behind me, I sat on the edge of my bed and rubbed my temples with my eyes shut. I couldn't imagine why Billy wanted me away from La Push. Maybe he thought I was a threat after all. But why had he specifically told Charlie that I was to stay out of La Push?

A pounding headache began to throb through my brain and I decided it was high time I got outside to clear my head. I jumped up from my bed, and in one swift movement, had opened my unlocked window and landed outside in the cool late-night air. I ran into the dark forest, not stopping to for a breath until I had cleared a few miles. I stopped and leaned against the rough bark of a tall oak, sighing deeply and sliding my back down to its base. And then I froze. And inhaled again.

There it was. The smell. It had returned to me, seeping through the still air of the night and capturing my senses once again. I became instantly alert due to two things: one, the presence of the scent, and two, the strange feeling that I was being watched. My golden eyes, devoid of the contacts I routinely wore to school every day, darted from left to right, searching through the dark and surrounding trees. I yearned with every fiber of my body to lunge forward and chase down the scent until I had found its owner. But I didn't, in fear that if I did, it would be gone as quickly as it had come.

"H-hello?" I breathed into the deadened hush of the forest. No answer.

I almost at once felt both embarrassed and furious at my rash behavior. What was I even _doing_ out here? _I came out here to clear my head, and now I'm freaking _talking _to myself. Nice going, Bella. _I got up abruptly and sped back to Charlie's, my vision in an enraged haze of red, not sparing the night's events another thought until I was safely back into my room, window locked firmly behind me. It took me several minutes to minimally calm down from my second flash of temper of the day. The red in my line of sight was draining even slower than last time.

What is going_ on_ with me? Why am I getting so angry at such stupid things? First I get pissed because I _couldn't_ smell it, and now I'm irate because I _did_. This didn't make any sense. And where the _hell_ did that scent come from?

I threw myself facedown onto my bed and tugged at my hair with frustration. I was too confused and angry to even begin to question what had just happened. For the rest of the night I paced my room back and forth, never shaking the feeling that I was still being watched.

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By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was exhausted already. It had been another long morning and I was feeling pretty crappy. I hadn't been able to concentrate on anything since my encounter in the woods last night, and it was taking a serious drain on my patience. Sitting down at my desk fourth period, I lowered my head to its cold wooden surface with a disgruntled sigh. One more period and then it would be lunch, and I could find those damned Cullens and their damn smell that drew me in like an insect to a spider web. God, I felt like shit today.

I hadn't gotten a moment's peace when I felt a rough tap on my head. I looked up sharply into the grinning face of Mike Newton, who had taken his seat in front of me, swiveled around in his chair to face me. I grumbled a little under my breath. Today was just not my day.

"Didn't catch any Z's last night, Bella?" Mike chuckled. I smiled bitterly at the very notion and laughed in spite of myself. Ha. Z's. As if.

Pleased that he had gotten some form of emotion out of me, he straightened up in his seat and leaned closer to me with confidence. "So, Bella. Me and a bunch of people in our grade, and some of the La Push kids are going to have a small get-together on Friday down at the La Push beach. A bonfire, if you will," he added with a mischievous grin. "You in or are you in?"

La Push. The very place Charlie and Billy Black did not want me to go. I tapped my pencil against my chin thoughtfully. If I went, Jacob Black would most likely be there, and maybe I could get some answers about why I wasn't wanted there out of him. And maybe, just maybe, the Cullens would be there too and I'd get some _real _answers.

Mike took note of my thoughtful expression. "Angela, Jessica, and Lauren will be there too," he chided. "Come on, Bella, it's going to be a great time."

I nodded slowly. "All right, Mike. I'll go."

He gave me a wide grin before turning back around. "Fantastic. We'll pick you up at six."

By the time Angela and I had walked into the cafeteria, I was nearly bouncing with anticipation to find the smell again, but was effectively shut down when I saw that the Cullens weren't at their table. Again. I took a deep breath to swallow the oncoming anger and sat down in a huff at the table. I made a point glower at the Cullens' empty table again before I turned to talk with Angela.

She must have seen my death glare towards it, because she glanced once at their table before looking at me with light amusement in her eyes. "They miss a lot of school, especially on days with nice weather like today. I think their dad takes them backpacking up in the mountains or something." I shrugged, trying to look indifferent. I didn't want Angela to suspect I had a weird crush on one of the Cullens. Especially not that Edward jerk.

I sulked for the rest of the day, trying to push thoughts of La Push and the Cullens out of my head. I was lying flat on my back on my bed when Charlie got home.

"How's school going, Bells?" he asked, leaning against my doorframe. I groaned and rolled to the side, staring through my closed window into the dark of night. "'S fine," I mumbled.

"You got any plans for Friday?" he tried to ask casually, a hint of anxiety underlying in his tone. I was attuned to this tone by now. Billy must have told him about the bonfire on Friday.

"I think I'm going to Port Angeles with my friend Angela to catch a movie or something," I said nonchalantly. "She's going to come by and pick me up at… oh, probably around six."

Charlie looked relieved. "That sounds fun. Just don't plan on coming home too late, all right? I don't want you roaming about after dark."

I snorted at the last part. _Not like I have anything to be afraid of now. I'm a vampire, for god's sake._

Charlie went downstairs and I went to go to the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for bed. Not that I really needed to, of course, but purely out of habit. Five minutes later, I came back and sat in my desk, cross-legged in my chair, and flicked through a few pages of my Biology textbook. As I scanned through them with disinterest, I noticed my copy of _Wuthering Heights _was sitting beside it. _I was wondering where that went. Charlie must have found it and put it here_, I figured. I shivered a little as a gust of air breezed through my window, so I got up and shut it – _I could've sworn this thing was closed before_. I growled and mentally slapped myself for being so paranoid. I was beginning to feel like I really did deserve my "freak show" label at school after all.

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Thursday: No Cullens. Again. I was furious.

Friday morning I had a strange feeling as I went to the bathroom to put in my stupid blue contacts. I almost felt it coming as my finger was poised over my eye, contact in hand, when the trance hit.

_I was in a different part of the woods this time, unfamiliar, but not the same as the woods by the white house. And this time I was walking slowly down a trail in the blackest hour of the night. I felt my way down the path, tripping on roots and rocks, following a scent I had caught what seemed like years ago. And then I found its owner – a beautiful, white owl perched on a tree towering above me. It fluttered down close to me, its silky feathers nearly grazing my skin as I took off in a full sprint, trying to put as much distance between myself and that owl as I could. But as I strained every muscle in my body to run as fast as I could, the owl got impossibly closer and then swooped down in front of me, rendering me frozen as I stared into its deep, golden eyes…_

I fell back against the tile of the bathroom wall, scrabbling for balance as I came out of my dizzy half-dream. Surprisingly, I did not feel frightened or upset as I scrabbled to pick up my blue contact off the floor. Because although I knew it wasn't really there, the scent emanated in my memory and made me calm. I got up to put both contacts in, and smoothed the hair out of my face. Today was going to be different. I already knew.

I went through the first four periods of school in silent anticipation of seeing the Cullens again. During third period I had spoken with Angela about the La Push bonfire scheduled for later and how I was a little nervous to be around all the new people. She nodded with understanding, and said she thought I would really like the La Push group, and how much she liked them, describing them as "friendly, loyal, and good-hearted people." She giggled a little as she spoke of how her friend Seth Clearwater was no exception, although he tended to follow his friends around closely, as if they were some sort of pack. I laughed at this, picturing Jacob Black being this way as well. I could definitely see that.

I was giddy with excitement when the bell finally rang to go to lunch. I managed to suppress most of my overflowing energy as I walked towards the cafeteria with Angela. I gave up on even trying to mask my excitement when I caught the smell, and I practically ran inside.

And there they were. The Cullens sat huddled in their corner table, talking amongst themselves as I sat down in my usual seat, hands almost shaking as I set down a few of my books. I breathed in their scent deeply and turned to glance in their direction. I wasn't surprised that he was staring, but I was absolutely taken aback when I realized Edward Cullen's eyes were not the angry charcoal they had been on Monday. They were, without a doubt, the same shade of liquid topaz that mine were, minus the slight red undertone I had not quite shaken from my newborn appearance. I was completely frozen. Is that a _normal_ eye color for humans?

What was even more shocking, however, was that the icy glare he had so hatefully cast towards me on Monday was also gone. It was replaced by a bright, curious gaze that didn't break when I returned it with my own wide-eyed stare. And for a second, the scent, the humans, and everything around me just dissolved. Staring into each other's eyes, it was _electric_. Had it been beating, my heart would have spontaneously combusted right then and there. With his smoldering golden eyes boring into my own, I simply… melted.

The rest of the cafeteria atmosphere all but disappeared as I reveled in the scent and presence of the Cullens. It was entirely different this time – I had no desire to eliminate them, and I didn't feel angry or even particularly calm. I was simply _drawn _to them. But before I knew it, the bell rang and everyone got up to return to class. Dazedly, I gathered my things and nearly floated to Biology.

To my disdain, Mike Newton approached my table within ten seconds of me walking into the classroom. Taking the empty seat next to me, he began babbling enthusiastically and I stared aimlessly past him out the window, willing him to go away as soon as humanly possible. And like magic, a velvety voice behind me addressed Mike.

"Excuse me, I believe you're in my seat."

We both turned around simultaneously and I had to make a conscious effort to keep my jaw from dropping. Edward Cullen stood two feet away from us, a slight smirk playing on his lips as he bored into Mike's eyes with an icy glare. Mike recoiled at that and mumbled a "Sorry, man" before slinking back to his seat.

Edward pulled up the stool beside me and sat down, turning to face me. "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," his deep, musical voice resonating in my head as he offered me his hand. "I don't believe we've met."

I simply stared at him, dumbstruck. He was even more beautiful up close – if that was possible. His messy, bronze hair framed his perfectly chiseled features flawlessly, his full, almost red lips offsetting with his pale skin. His topaz eyes burned into mine as I barely choked out, "Bella Swan," and took his hand to shake it.

I gasped and pulled my hand back sharply, eyes widening as I stared at his hand. That was no typical human temperature. It was ice cold, just like mine. Could it be…?

_No. No, that's impossible, _I thought frantically as my faux-blue eyes searched his. He did not falter at my sudden gesture, merely smiling at me and returning his attention to the teacher.

I took a deep breath and did the same, gripping the undersides of my stool as I struggled to recompose myself. But of course, breathing was a mistake. Because he just smelled so _different_. Not appetizing, not repulsive, just _different. _And it drew me to him so strongly it was almost painful. I ground my teeth together and exhaled for what was hopefully the last time until I got the hell out of here.

My stool was probably suffering more than I was, and realizing my mistake, I quickly smoothed whatever was left of the wooden underside, kicking the splintered pieces under the desk. I tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying, but his voice was faint. My confusion was overriding all my senses.

"Bella?"

My head whipped up and I turned to see Edward standing up and looking at me with subtle amusement. I realized the bell must have rung, because mostly everyone had already left the classroom. If I had been able to, I would've blushed bright red. I hadn't even noticed everyone get up and go.

I bit my lip in embarrassment as he picked up my backpack from the floor and handed it to me. "Thanks," I muttered as I stuffed my books in and hastily got up and fled the classroom, not daring to look back.

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After school, I was still in a confused daze as I walked across the parking lot to my car.

_There's got to be a logical explanation for all this._

I stared at my outstretched palm that Edward had touched what seemed like ages ago.

_Maybe he had just been holding something really cold. Like a water bottle. With ice. Or maybe ice cream. Or an ice pack. Yeah, that must have been it. And maybe he smells so different because he's wearing some kind of incredibly strong cologne… or maybe he…_

I didn't have time to complete that thought, because my sharpened senses instantly alerted me of danger. I heard it before I saw it. Tires screeched, right next to my ear and I whipped around and put my right hand protectively out in front of me. The truck's bumper came in contact with my raised palm, producing a big, hand-shaped dent in its silvery exterior. The weight of the car pushing me barely moved me back an inch, but I knew there were people who were watching, so I fell back with mock-impact. And then there were panicked voices all around me.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Tyler Crowley got out of his truck, his hand pressed against his bleeding forehead, and bounded towards me, stopping a foot away. "I'm so sorry, I was backing out and I didn't see you! Jesus Christ, are you hurt?"

I nodded slowly. "I'm fine." Tyler stared at me with shocked eyes. "Really, it's okay. I just... um, hit my head a little. I'll be fine." I glared at the handprint on his bumper and, in a movement only someone supernaturally gifted could see, I smoothed out the finger-like dents. I looked up to glower at the gathering crowd.

And then I saw him. Edward Cullen was leaning against his silver Volvo, across the parking lot, hands in his pockets, watching as people crowded around me. But he was staring right into my eyes again with the same, mesmerizing, golden force. And something told me he had seen the whole thing. And maybe I was just hallucinating and I had really hit my head after all, but I swear to god he was _smiling_.

I didn't have time to react, because some idiot called the paramedics and before I knew it, I was whisked away into an ambulance with Tyler and carted to the nearby hospital. Charlie was going to have a freaking ulcer when he hears about _this._

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**A/N**: I know, this seemed like a bad place to end the chapter to me, too. But I kind of felt like it was getting too long. I have the next several chapters outlined and such and I will try to get another one up by tomorrow night.

Reviews make me write faster!


	5. Temper, Temper

Disclaimer: -sigh- I own nothing.

Thank you to everyone who had read/reviewed so far! It really truly does make all the difference to have such wonderful support ( :

I know there are still questions as to what exactly went down in Phoenix and about Charlie's past and such, but I can assure you all will soon be revealed…!

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"Bella, my god! What happened to you!? Are you all right?"

I grimaced for what seemed like the millionth time since I had gotten to the hospital. If one more person asked me that, I swore I'd lose it completely. But I guess since he was my father and was the only person I technically _couldn't _kill, I simply gritted my teeth and huffed through my nose.

"Yes, Charlie, I'm fine," I finally replied with a martyred sigh. "I just… hit my head," I gave him a meaningful look, glancing around the room at the nurses and students who had followed Tyler and I here. He instantly understood and nodded once at me before turning to speak with a nurse regarding my "condition".

I rolled my eyes, playing with the edges of the sheet on a gurney I had been forced to rest on while I awaited my release. I had already been here an hour – the hospital was busy today, and the few doctors present were probably attending to more important patients. The nurse that had been in the ambulance with me had been shuffling in and out of the room, periodically checking my head for bumps or lacerations, and finding none, had given up and focused on stitching up Tyler's bleeding forehead.

I was almost surprised to find that being so close to Tyler's free-flowing blood did not particularly bother me. Of course, it made venom pool in my mouth and my throat had been steadily aching since I was forced into the ambulance with him so close by, but I had essentially kept my cool and focused on fending off the unwanted attention from the hospital staff. All I really wanted was to leave as soon as possible so I could concentrate on solving my latest mystery – the paradox that was Edward Cullen.

Before I could even begin to mentally touch on that subject, a doctor finally approached me, and I immediately perked up in the hope that he would set me free. And then I got another look at his face and my mind went blank.

"Isabella Swan?" the gorgeous man said, glancing at his clipboard and then at me.

"It's Be… y-yeah, that's me," I stuttered, stupefied.

"I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he said with a blinding smile that brightened his equally white complexion, offering me his hand.

_Oh. Of course. It figures,_ I thought, looking warily into his golden eyes that were crinkled with a friendly smile. I was surprised – he didn't look a day over thirty, but somehow managed to have four teenagers already. Without thinking, I took his hand, and upon contact, instantly drew it back. Ice cold. Just like Edward's. What is _with_ this family?

He merely looked at me quizzically and looked down at his charts again. "Well, Bella, the nurses seem to be fairly certain you're as healthy as a horse. So I suppose you're free to go," I shot up from the gurney in response and mumbled a "Thanks" as I attempted to pass by him and go. But he put up a pale hand to stop me. "But I think you should take it easy for the rest of the day. Just to be on the safe side," he said, flashing me another painfully white smile before letting me pass. Yeah, right.

I nearly bounded out of the hospital, and then stopped with the frustrated realization that my truck was still at school. I growled and sauntered back inside, heading to the front desk. "Can I use your phone?" I asked, figuring Charlie was already back at the station. The secretary barely glanced at me and held up a finger, indicating for me to wait. I sighed and leaned on the desk, bouncing my leg impatiently.

"Waiting for someone?" a voice behind me asked. I knew that voice. And that scent. _God damn it._

I turned to face a smirking Edward Cullen, his eyes bright with interest as he approached the front desk.

"What are _you _doing here?" I growled, although it came out more shakily than anything.

"I came to speak with my father," he shrugged nonchalantly. "I have to admit, I'm surprised you're still here," his eyebrow raised playfully, "Was it a concussion, then?"

I glowered at him and crossed my arms defensively. "No," I snapped. "it was nothing. Tyler was more hurt than I was. He was bleeding from his forehead."

Something like astonishment crossed his features before he quickly made his expression blank. "Oh," he mumbled a little uncertainly, "Well, I do hope he's all right." He eyed me carefully. "Can I offer you a ride back to school? I noticed your car was still there before I left."

I suddenly felt somewhat apprehensive. Being in the same car as Edward Cullen seemed to be an altogether bad idea. But at the same time, I almost couldn't resist.

I nodded, biting my lip with reluctance as he smiled easily and showed me out the door. What had I just gotten myself into?

When we got to his car, he quickly stepped to open the passenger door for me, motioning for me to get in before walking back around to climb into the driver's seat. I grimaced. So he was gorgeous, ice-cold, and a gentleman as well. This guy was full of surprises.

He waited until I strapped myself in before turning the car on and smoothly backing the car out of the parking lot. I smiled to myself at the music that had come on. Clair de Lune. It had been one of the many classical favorites of Renee and I when we used to dance around her kitchen while cooking dinner. I missed that.

Edward caught me smiling and his beautiful, topaz eyes brightened. "You like Debussy?"

I nodded, still smiling. "My mother and I used to love classical music," I whispered in appreciation.

He didn't question me further on the subject, just turned the volume up a few notches and returned his gaze to the road. I had expected him to ask more, or begin to interrogate me as to why I had been able to stop an oncoming car with one hand and come out unscathed, but he didn't. He just freaking smiled more and kept playing Debussy. He altogether smiled too damn much. And much to my disdain, I _liked_ it when he did, too.

The drive back to school ended in a comfortable silence, and I couldn't stop myself from panicking a little about today's events. If, for some totally, absurdly inconvenient reason he suspected _more­ – _and by ­_more_ I meant he thought my super-strength meant something along the lines of me being a superhero or something dumb like that – what would I say? I had no alibi, no legitimate excuses that could cover up the truth. And of course, Edward and I wouldn't have the same understanding that Renee had with Charlie – the devastated, albeit sad understanding that I couldn't help what I had become; it was an accident and I was still me, I just now happened to be irrevocably twenty shades of pale and thirsted for her blood. She had to let it go, but I knew if Edward found out, he wouldn't.

But at the same time, strange as it seems, I wasn't terribly worried that in the event of him discovering the truth to my adversity and overall alien existence, he would grab his torch and pitchfork and gather an angry mob to send me back to hell or wherever I came from. Because although I was every bit as extraterrestrial as he probably suspected I was, I did not doubt that he was somewhat different as well. He smelled and felt alien and familiar simultaneously, and it bothered the hell out of me. Because he was just such an incredibly difficult, beautiful mystery that begged to be solved.

Edward turned the music off and met my gaze with shocking, golden intensity. "Well, Bella," he said softly as his eyes bored into mine, full of questions and undying interest, "I'll be seeing you."

I smiled at him with thanks and hastily unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. Taking one last look at him through the tinted window, I turned and practically bolted back to my truck.

I speeded back home as fast as the old truck could go, parked sloppily in Charlie's driveway and raced up to my room. Mike, Angela, and Ben were coming by soon to pick me up in half an hour, and I looked like hell. I showered quickly and pulled on a clean set of clothes, not bothering with my hair as I bustled about my room in search of a warm jacket for later tonight. Not that I really needed it, my skin was already practically subzero, but I didn't want to look like a more of a freak than I already was, walking around the beach at night in a t-shirt. If that was even possible. I shivered when an unwelcome gust of wind blew in from my window. I had to stop leaving that thing open.

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The La Push beach was nothing short of beautiful at night. The tide was fairly low at this time of night, and the deep blue water lapped gently against the shoreline, which was sparsely studded with big, mossy rocks. Half a mile down the shoreline, steep cliffs hung over the waves of the ocean, which were pounding restlessly against its base in the cool wind. But even with the huge bonfire casting a lively, yellow light on the sand and faces of the people around me, I felt uncomfortable and as restless as the ocean itself.

Angela and I sat on a few folding beach chairs, conversing with Ben and Mike as we warmed ourselves by the fire. Across the way, Lauren and Jessica glowered at us, whispering amongst themselves and occasionally casting me an icy look that seemed almost out of place next to the blazing fire. I did my best to brush them off, but I was starting to feel a little unwanted. I was mostly quiet as Angela chattered amiably with the two boys.

"Seth!" Angela suddenly squealed and rushed over to greet her old friend. I looked up to see that the La Push kids had arrived. Or should I say, the La Push boys plus one. Only one girl had appeared to arrive with them, and she just barely hung on the fringe of the close-knit group. She must have seen me staring, because she met my gaze with a dark expression and looked away. I glared at my feet and kicked at the sand. I was starting to feel really fed up with all these bad looks I was getting.

"Hey, Bella," a husky voice greeted me.

I looked up to see Jacob Black standing – or should I say _towering_ – above me. It seemed he only got taller every time I saw him. The startled, wary look he had given me my first night here in Forks was gone and replaced with an unmistakably friendly grin. But there was something in his eyes that immediately unsettled me. "Hi, Jacob. It's good to see you again," I said warily.

He sat down in Angela's empty seat and looked into the fire, folding his hands together and then unfolding them nervously. He didn't speak for a long time. "I hate to tell you this, Bella," taking a deep breath and then looking into my eyes with a touch of regret, "and I wish Charlie or my dad had just let you know the moment you got here, but you're not exactly supposed to be here."

I was taken aback. I really _was_ unwanted here, after all. My shoulders instantly slumped and I looked down at my feet.

"It's not like that, Bella," Jacob pleaded, placing his hand on my shoulder, "Really. It's just…" he paused and seemed to struggle to figure out what to say next. "It's just that you…" He sounded unsure of what to say next. I looked up at him sharply. "What is it, Jacob?"

"Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it." He took his hand off my shoulder and folded his hands again in his lap. "My family, and most of the families in La Push, have origins in an ancient tribe called Quiluetes. And we have a lot of legends and dumb superstitions that our families insist on believing. But some of them, the real traditions, aren't so dumb," he said, looking me directly in the eye, "and we have to honor them. And one of our most prominent traditions that we all must uphold is a treaty." I stared at him with interest now. What was he _talking_ about?

"This treaty," he stated firmly, never breaking my gaze, "is one that forms a boundary between La Push and all outlying land. We agreed with the cold ones living…" he stopped suddenly, and then quickly collected himself before continuing. "…Basically, what it comes down to is that your… kind," a little sympathy flashed in his eyes as he gazed into mine, "isn't allowed on our land."

I froze in shock. "Are you telling me…" I began slowly, lowering my voice to a near whisper, "that _vampires _aren't allowed in La Push?"

He nodded sternly. "I can't believe it," I snapped, anger building up in my gut. "You're asking me to leave because of some stupid ancient treaty that probably hasn't been used for centuries. And you're the only one who even knows I'm breaking it."

He simply looked at me with sympathy and nodded. "I'm sorry, Bella. That is what I'm asking."

My fury got the best of me and I hissed at him, baring my teeth before shooting out of my chair and stomping away. As soon as I was out of sight, I broke into a full sprint, running in no particular direction as my vision clouded red.

I didn't break my blindingly fast stride for miles, and I wildly tore not just branches, but entire _trees_ from my path as I barreled forward tirelessly in a haze of red. I was frightened by the intensity of my own wrath, but I couldn't stop now. I had to get it out of my system, because if I didn't, I feared someone could get hurt.

I skidded to an abrupt halt when I came to a clearing and the view in front of me froze me where I stood. It was the big, white house from my half-dreams. The lights were on. I felt instantaneously drawn to it, and yearned to get closer, but I was still shaking with uncontrollable rage and I was afraid if I got too close I wouldn't be able to stop myself from going inside, and forget myself in my passionate anger. As I stood there shaking, I repeated silently the same thing I promised myself the first night I moved to Forks._ If I have to live this way, I will do it right. No one is going to get hurt._

My vision still tainted bright red, I slowly backed away from the white house and sprinted back into the forest. When I was considerably far I decidedly sat down against a tree to let my anger subside. Suddenly, I felt it. Something, or some_one_, was watching me.

And then the scent hit me, hard, and my eyes widened with shock. One of them was here. I could smell it. And this time, I wouldn't let it get away.

I lunged forward and immediately heard it move away, so I bolted after it, my instincts taking over as I whipped through branches and dodged around trees. As soon as it was in sight, I sprung forward and pushed it down, both of us landing on the cold dirt, hard. Its golden eyes were wide with surprise and amusement.

I instantly jumped back and pressed against a tree, staring with disbelief.

"You're quite fast, Bella," Edward said, getting up off the ground and brushing himself off. "I have to admit, I'm impressed."

I opened my mouth, and finding myself unable to speak, closed it with a click of my jaw. _Am I half-dreaming again?_

Edward chuckled at my expression. "Don't look so surprised, Bella. You knew since the first time I touched you. Or," he paused thoughtfully, "Perhaps even the first time you smelled me."

And then all the pieces fell together. Their strangely familiar, non-appetizing scent. Their abnormal, pale beauty. The coldness of his hands.

The Cullens were just like me.

Edward Cullen was a _vampire._

_Shit._

So I turned and ran. I couldn't think. _How could I have been so stupid? It had been so goddamn obvious! I'm such an idiot, I just can't believe this…_

"Bella, wait!" Edward called after me, "Stop!" and then with an impressive burst of speed, appeared in front of me and forced me to slide unwillingly to a stop. "Just listen to me," he pleaded, staring me down with those fathomless topaz eyes. I faltered a little, unsure of what to do next.

"Listen to me, Bella. My family and I have known from the moment you stepped into that cafeteria that you were like us. We could see right past those silly contacts of yours." I snorted in response. They were convincing enough to humans, at least.

"We were undecided as to how to deal with you;" he continued unblinkingly, "It was clear from the beginning that you were inexperienced; likely a newborn. To us, you meant nothing but danger. Especially with your temper," he snickered, motioning to the uprooted trees in our path. "My family is very private about are true nature, you see. And the fact that another of our kind had come and compromised the life we had built for ourselves here was… frightening, to say the least." I stared at him, confused. _Compromised? How…? _

"They wanted to kill you," he said, suddenly very serious, eyes burning into mine. "You're a threat to our very existence here. But Alice and I wouldn't have it. So we left school, went home, and as a family, took a vote," he seemed reluctant to continue. "We would either eliminate you as soon as we could get you alone, or keep a close watch on you until a formal decision could be made. After a week, it was clear you were by no means a threat to the humans around you and did not intend on making your true self known. But I see that, although your self-control is astoundingly developed, you have not quite shaken the quickness to anger that most newborns experience. Of course, with help, that can go away in a short time."

After several minutes, I finally found my voice. "What do you mean, _close watch_?" I sputtered out, already knowing the answer as the past week's events pieced themselves together in my mind.

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "I meant we quite literally watched you," he said carefully. "…Most every day and night. Just to be sure…"

He was abruptly cut off when the fury that had been steadily boiling inside me let loose in a red haze. I hissed and lunged at him, throwing him against a tree with bone-shattering force that would have killed a human on impact. Grinding my teeth and spitting with fury, I turned to the nearest breakable thing, which happened to be a large mossy boulder, and punched it, crushing it into powder.

Before I could turn to attack Edward again, I was hit suddenly with a tremendous wave of exhaustion and crumpled to the ground, my anger lost in the tides of shame. I at once did not blame Edward or his family for wanting to kill me. I really was a threat after all.

"Bella," Edward exclaimed anxiously as he shot up to kneel at my side, "Bella, are you okay?"

"Am _I _okay?" I choked out in a dry sob, "Edward, I'm a _monster_."

I felt him place his hands gently around my waist, and lift me up to cradle me in his arms as I heaved tears that would not come. "Bella," he said softly, brushing my hair from my face, "You're not a monster. Do you hear me?" I looked up at him, eyes brimming with shame as I gazed at his concerned face, "We all have to fight our own demons to live the way we do, to coexist with the people who were meant to be our prey. When I went to the hospital today, Carlisle told me he'd never seen anything like you before in his life. That you didn't even slip at the sight of blood. The way you handle yourself… it's nothing short of extraordinary, Bella."

I lowered my eyes to my hands, which were clenched tightly into fists in my lap. I couldn't bring myself to look up again. I had hurt him; I didn't deserve his kindness.

"We can help you, Bella," Edward whispered, a tinge of sadness in his tone when I didn't look up. "My family and I, I mean. You don't have to do this alone, you know. Because you're not."

I jumped up out of his arms and put a safe distance between us before I turned and spoke again. I knew what I had to say would hurt him, but I had no choice. I couldn't afford to hurt anyone again. Especially not him.

"I don't need your help," I said, more icily than I had intended. "and I won't be your family's charity case." Edward's eyes widened with shock, hurt plainly written across his face. I was beginning to hate myself more every second. "I can do this _alone._"

He made a rather obvious effort to show no emotion on his face as he looked away, and did not respond for a long time. When he looked back at me, his beautiful, golden eyes did not hide the pain my words inflicted, but his jaw was set with determination.

"I won't let you do this alone, Bella. You aren't ready to face this on your own."

"Then you should have just done it right the first time and killed me," I hissed, each word cutting deeply into my marble skin with the knowledge that there was truth to every single one of them. "And I haven't the slightest idea why you even care. I'm no good for you, Edward Cullen," I whispered bitterly as my eyes tingled with grief, "Stay away from me."

He stared deeply into my narrowed eyes dejectedly, and his shoulders slumped with defeat. I couldn't take this anymore. I had to leave, now. I took a few steps back into the shadow of the trees, never taking my eyes off him. His face fell.

"Bella," he begged, his voice barely audible now, "Please."

_I'm so sorry, Edward._ I stared wretchedly into his eyes, hoping to convey to him all of the truths I couldn't bring myself to say. Without another word, I tore myself from his broken topaz gaze to sprint off into the black of night, and felt my heart rip agonizingly from my chest with every step I put between us.


	6. I Must Be Dreaming

Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish.

Sorry this took so long to post! I had to do a bit of research to write this one. Hope you like it! ( :

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If looks could kill, I would still be lying mangled and broken on the forest floor, quite literally torn to pieces where I had stood.

The throbbing self-hatred I had been feeling since last night had unmercifully refused to ebb, try as I might to justify the exchange that had taken place in the looming darkness of the woods. The parting glance between Edward Cullen and I haunted me to the point of sickness – every time I closed my eyes, I saw that look. His hurt stung me more than anything I'd ever felt.

It was a necessity now to remind myself constantly that it was for his own good. He and his family had been right about me from the beginning – I was a threat. An out-of-control newborn with a nasty temper. I was nothing short of a monster.

In the past twelve hours, "_No one is going to get hurt"_ had quickly become my mantra, although I had surreptitiously excluded myself from that rule. I knew I was intensely drawn to Edward, and pushing him out of my life would make me miserable. I also knew that doing so would offend him greatly, though I didn't doubt he'd be over it quickly. After all, he was _way_ too good for me, and he likely knew that, too. Standing next to him, the first thing that probably came to mind was something along the lines of Beauty and the extremely tempermental Beast.

As far as I was concerned, I couldn't afford to put the Cullens, or anyone else for that matter, at risk. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but somehow, I would battle these demons on my own. I had to. I decidedly wouldn't involve Charlie in the darker side of my life any further – he had done what he could, taking care of me for the first month had been burden enough. I wouldn't put him through any more.

There were a few things I had carefully avoided discussing with him since I got home last night. He had immediately known something had gone wrong, but the look on my face silenced any questions he had. After a long morning up in my room, meticulously replaying every painful detail of last night on repeat in my head, I decided it was time I went downstairs and got it over with. I paused at the foot of the stairs with the uncomfortable realization that I would have to lie about mostly everything in order to get the answers I wanted and, considering the circumstances, richly deserved.

Charlie looked up from his newspaper when I sauntered into the kitchen. "Morning, Dad," I said, forcing a smile as I joined him at the table.

Naturally, he didn't buy it. "What happened last night, Bells?" he asked, voice full of concern. "You get in a fight with your friend? Angela, was it?"

I shook my head, swallowing my regret as I wove my lie. "No, Dad, of course not. Angela and I had a great time. But after the movie, I ran into Jacob Black," Charlie instantly looked suspicious. He must have known Jacob was going to the bonfire last night. "He was with a few friends. I asked him what he was up to, and one of his friends, Seth, who is friends with Angela, said they were heading to a bonfire down in La Push and invited us to come with them."

A shadow passed over Charlie's face. He looked angry. "But then Jacob asked if he could talk to me for a minute and said maybe that wasn't such a good idea that I went along. I asked why and he made up an excuse, but I knew he was hiding something so I made him spit it out," I said lamely, sounding ridiculously unconvincing. But I didn't need to say more; Charlie didn't need clarification. He got up from his seat and went to stand by the window, glaring out into the morning fog.

"Why didn't you tell me, Dad?" I murmured with a tinge of sadness in my tone. "Hearing it from Jacob was… I just felt so… alienated." I was stunned at the truth in my own words. There couldn't have been a better word for how I felt, leaving La Push. Well, with the exception of _seething._

Charlie turned to gaze at me forlornly. "I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't think it was the right time to tell you," he said sadly. "I was trying to _protect_ you from feeling alienated. I was going to wait to tell you about it until I thought you were getting a little more comfortable. I didn't realize that someone would beat me to the punch."

"It's okay, Dad. It's stupid," I mumbled, and slumped in my chair dejectedly. "The treaty, I mean. It doesn't make sense to have it, considering we're the only ones and Billy claims to trust you so much"

He laughed humorlessly. "You're right, honey. It really is." He didn't take his eyes away from the window.

I frowned at this, though I knew better than to say more. There were still so many questions that were left unanswered – mostly having to do with the Cullens – but I knew that by admitting I was aware of the vampire family living only a few miles down the road, Charlie would probably have a coronary and insist I transferred schools or that we move somewhere devoid of supernatural entities. Because although I was sure heknew that the Cullens were one of us, I was almost certain he didn't want me to have anything to do with them. Still, I hated that he hid these kinds of things from me. I wouldn't pressure him for the truth, as I knew he meant well, but I secretly wished he would tell me himself.

"Well, while we're being truthful here" Charlie cleared his throat nervously, "I should probably tell you something." I cringed. We had been anything but truthful. But his tone sounded distant and worried, so I didn't stop him.

"Your mother called last night while you were out," he said, tugging at his collar. "Apparently Laurent had to go home to Italy a few days ago."

I jumped out of my chair, anger and fear knotting in my stomach. "What? Why? He's supposed to be keeping an eye on Mom! You said…" my voice trailed off as bile rose in my throat.

Charlie stepped away from the window, concern filling his eyes again as he placed his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, it's okay. Don't be upset. I spoke to Renee and she said everything was fine."

I shook and struggled to suppress my anger. Unbelievable. Laurent promised he would stay for the rest of the month. He _promised_.

"He was only watching her as a precaution, Bells," Charlie tried to assure me. I looked away from him as my vision clouded red. "James is gone, honey. He can't touch her," he said softly, his voice taking on a careful tone.

I growled menacingly and wrenched away from Charlie's grip. Memories of that night in Phoenix flooded my mind and my muscles tensed up as I backed away.

"Is that supposed to _reassure_ me?" I hissed at him furiously. "And what if the same thing happens to her that happened to me? What if another one of your bitter old friends decides to drop by her house one night and get some payback for something that probably happened _a hundred years ago_? How do you expect to protect her from that? Vampires are unpredictable, Charlie!" I was practically screaming now. "I should know – I'm one of them, _remember_?"

Charlie looked at me in hurt astonishment. "Bella," he said, searching for words with a stunned expression, "Calm down. Please. You're breaking that chair."

I looked down to see my hands clenched white onto the wooden chair I had been sitting on, and with a resounding _snap _it was broken clean in half. I cried out in wild frustration, spun on my heel and bolted out of the house. My anger got the best of me once again as I plummeted into the woods, ignoring Charlie's fading calls behind me.

Of course something would go wrong today. It was obvious the whole universe was against me, and if I was to be miserable, then I'd be _damn _miserable. My eyes stung, but as always, were absent of real tears.

I should have expected this to happen. From the few memories I had of my first couple weeks as a vampire, Charlie had called upon the help of a few old friends of his from his former coven. I didn't know much about them, other than they were shocked to hear what James had done and claimed to be more than willing to help me through the confusion of the first days of my new existence. Laurent was one of them. He was good to me while I lasted in Phoenix, he really was. So when Charlie decided it was time that we left, Laurent seemed like the best candidate to watch over Renee for the next two months, just to be sure she wouldn't be subjected to a similar fate. And, as it happens, he didn't keep his word. God, I should have known. Even the nice vampires couldn't be trusted. I felt so betrayed.

I don't remember how long I went like that, just running and fuming to myself and seeing red for miles and miles. All I knew was that I was in the woods somewhere, so when I finally collapsed onto the sparsely grassy ground, I almost started to laugh in spite of myself – I was almost getting used crumpling onto the forest floor now. The dirt in my hair and clothes was just a side product of my daily bouts of uncontrollable rage.

Then, as I knew it would, the grief came. There, I had done it again. I lost myself to the fire inside and hurt yet another person. Poor Charlie. I tore at my hair, frustrated and disgusted with myself. _I am a monster._ I closed my eyes in exhaustion, not venturing to open them again for a while.

When I did, I instantly recognized that I had not opened my eyes to the woods around me. The corners of my vision blurred and distorted and the trance began.

_I was still lying down, but I was no longer in the forest I had been in only moments before. I was on a long, grey beach. I got up and looked around, wind blowing in my face from the sea in front of me. But the air did not smell of salt and brine – it was the same scent I had followed so many times before. I stepped forward and the sand felt uneven and rocky beneath my feet. I looked down to gaze at the calm water lapping close to my feet – and jumped back in shock. The water was a thick, deep red. I ran along the shoreline, trying to escape the oozing water as it flowed dangerously close to my bare feet. Suddenly, the wind shifted and out of the corner of my eye I saw a small patch of yellow light on the grey sand. I turned to see a white, golden-eyed owl hovering in the air above me, the shaft of light coming from between the clouds glistening on its wings. It stared deeply into my eyes, asking me silent questions that I wasn't sure I understood as it began to glide away from the sea, the wind trailing it as the light never left its beautiful white form…_

I snapped out of it, growling quietly as I clawed at the dirt and sat up. The scent of the Cullens dissolved a little more slowly than the half-dream itself, and I waved my hand in the air in a feeble attempt to clear it. But it was too late – the memory of my encounter with Edward last night came on strong, and I fought down the rising sickness with myself I had become so accustomed to.

I couldn't go home like this, and with the memory of Edward's sad, topaz gaze fresh in my mind, I saw no better way to shake it off than by getting as far away from the source as I possibly could.

I ran home at a considerably fast pace, sighing with relief that Charlie had already left the house to go to the station like I had hoped he would. He probably figured I would come back on my own time. I didn't want to admit it, but my outburst in front of him would probably be the first of many on my long road to achieving perfect self-control. I just hoped next time I could get out quicker before I broke another piece of furniture.

As I rummaged around my room in search of my car keys, I pondered the meaning of my latest half-dream. Each one had been increasingly more vivid than the last, and somehow was able to tap into all my senses rather than just my vision. I couldn't understand why the scent had played a part in the last two half-dreams, seeing as though the Cullens themselves never made an appearance in them. But, strangely, the white house that had been in my first few real half-dreams held the same vague familiarity that the scent had. It did not strike me this way when I accidentally found it last night, but there was something there in the back of my mind that made me feel safe when I neared it in those half-dreams. It had almost felt like home – because nowhere else really did any more.

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I had arrived in Port Angeles in forty minutes flat and immediately sought refuge in a little bookstore, brightly lit and lined with beautiful purple crocuses. To me, literature was always the perfect panacea for a troubled mind.

I walked slowly among aisles upon aisles of books, grazing my fingers reverently on their spines as I searched for something new. After lingering in the classics section for a while, thumbing through ancient copies of _Persuasion_ and _Anna Karenina,_ I wandered through the poetry aisle, and somehow landed myself in psychology. One title instantly caught my eye.

I gingerly lifted the dusty, frail old book out of its place on the shelf and, after nestling into a big leather chair in the corner, opened it to the first page. _The Interpretation of Dreams, _by Sigmund Freud. I flipped to the table of contents. The first two chapters sounded tedious and confusing, but something about the title of the third piqued my interest.

"Chapter Three: The Dream as Wish-Fulfillment," it read. "It is easy to show that the wish-fulfillment in dreams is often undisguised and easy to recognize, so that one may wonder why the language of dreams has not long since been understood. There is, for example, a dream which I can evoke as often as I please, experimentally, as it were. If, in the evening, I eat anchovies, olives, or other strongly salted foods, I am thirsty at night, and therefore I wake. The waking, however, is preceded by a dream, which has always the same content, namely, that I am drinking. I am drinking long draughts of water; it tastes as delicious as only a cool drink can taste when one's throat is parched; and then I wake, and find that I have an actual desire to drink. The cause of this dream is thirst, which I perceive when I wake. From this sensation arises the wish to drink, and the dream shows me this wish as fulfilled."

I continued with building fascination down the page and quickly finished the chapter. I was, honestly, somewhat thrilled with the ideas presented to me. After carefully turning over every word written on the page in my head, I thought to apply it to my circumstances. Vampires could not sleep, so dreaming wasn't an option. Because I was a rare exception, my dreams were of far more significance than that of the thirst-dream of the author. When I felt or knew something subconsciously, I figured it would have to have great importance in order to initiate a half-dream.

Suppose, then, that I had subconsciously known the identity of the strange golden-eyed shadow in my first real half-dream. That would mean that, because I went to meet them on their balcony, the person existing in real life that owned this identity would turn out to be someone I would meet and, eventually and maybe even inevitably, come to visit on their balcony. I would do this because it was my wish from the beginning, because they were significant to me and it was what I wanted. My half-dream was a wish fulfilled.

So what _did_ my half-dreams mean?

I thought about the one I had had this morning. How in the end, the beautiful owl had lead me into the light, away from the sea of blood.

I wasn't really sure how to perceive what it was that created the circumstances in that dream. Something in my subconscious mind, I assumed, made me want to get away from the blood and follow the white owl. The decision to go with it had been my wish fulfilled. So did that mean whatever – or whoever – the beautiful owl represented would, in the future, be someone I wished to follow? That this person or thing would lead me away from the bloody water, into the beckoning sunlight?

Did that mean my half-dreams were precognitive to certain wishes of mine being fulfilled?

And if they were, could I control them?

I was nearly bouncing in my seat at the discovery. So the half-dreams weren't just useless, random reveries of golden eyes and blood. They had meaning. And, quite possibly, a _future. _Every time I subconsciously wanted something, if it was significant enough, like really significant, I'd have a half-dream about getting what I wanted. And then I'd wake up and I would consciously want it, too, and the event from the half-dream would play out somewhere down the line. If I could learn to decipher the half-dreams when I have them, I maybe, _maybe_ could predict an event before it happens.

I hugged the book to my chest with excitement and appreciation. This could really change things around. I could feel it.

I practically ran out of the store after hastily making my purchase, hopping into my truck and speeding back onto the road home. I could finally tell Charlie about my vivid new half-dreams and show him what I discovered. We could figure out how to harness my ability, and I could learn to consciously will myself into the dreams until they started make things happen that I wanted to happen, and I could start setting the course of my own life again. I could get back on track. I'd be able to make Renee safe, control my anger perfectly, and maybe even start over with Edward…

It must have been all the wishing in my overactive imagination that did it. Because before I could slow the car down and get out of traffic, the unwelcome half-dream came full-force.

_I swam on my back through the icy water, gazing up northwards at the bright stars. I felt the current picking up speed as I swam fast to keep up with the huge, beautiful turtle treading the water gracefully ahead of me, occasionally turning her great head to look at me with worry. The restless tides would unpredictably pull me under and I'd grasp at her underbelly with desperation, always counting to thirteen before resurfacing. The current continued to grow faster and stronger until I was being pulled along at a dizzying speed. I never let go of the turtle, not even when a storm began to rock the waves, and the white owl that never left my side flew frantically above me as it fiercely fought of a pair of crows black as pitch…_

I woke just in time to feel the impact as my car crashed into the divider and I slammed my head against the steering wheel. I heard tires screech behind me and some cars skidded to a stop as people rushed out to retrieve me from my totaled vehicle. I was still dizzy from the trance and impact, and the combination of the two had me barely conscious as I was dragged out of my car and sirens wailed in the distance.

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I faked a good three hours of sleep just to humor the hospital staff, biting down the urge to snicker every time a nurse would murmur words like "miracle" and "unbelievable," or complain to Carlisle how I hadn't as much as a scratch and he might as well just release me. Well, I agreed with them there.

Charlie had taken up a full half hour after my "nap" to yell at me about how stupid I was and how we'd be eating canned soup for the next six months with the medical and mechanic bills combined. I just lay there on my back, staring at the stupid ceiling while he scolded me about speeding and lectured me about leaving town without permission and how I was be grounded big-time, young lady…

The only reason he even paused to breathe was Carlisle coming in to finally free me after four hours of imprisonment in this bleached white gurney. As soon as I heard that knock on the door, I shot up from my back and motioned for Charlie to open the door.

"Can I come in?" Carlisle asked politely when he poked his head in though the door. Charlie instantly relaxed and smiled at Carlisle with ease, opening the door for him and stepping away from the door. When Charlie turned to glance back at me, he had a strange look in his eye.

"Well, Bella, for the second time in the past forty-eight hours, you are free to go," Carlisle laughed as I jumped up from the bed, smiling at him gratefully.

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen," I said, giving him a meaningful look.

Carlisle smiled brightly and opened the door for Charlie and I as we shuffled out. "I'd say I'll see you around, Bella," he chuckled, "But I rather hope I don't." He suddenly got a very sincere expression and I could clearly see the compassion in his wise, golden eyes, "Of course, you'll always be welcome."

I beamed at him and looked at Charlie. He and Carlisle exchanged a knowing look that he probably hadn't intended me to see and they clasped hands amiably. I smiled inwardly as Charlie and I exited the hospital and headed back to the car.

My smile faded gradually as we pulled out of the parking lot and got back on the road. The car was silent for a few minutes as I worked up the courage to speak.

"You can just say it, Dad."

He turned to stare at me with confusion, and his expression quickly changed when he saw mine. His eyes widened and he just kept driving, his eyes searching mine as the car noticeably gained speed.

"Keep your eyes on the road," I joked quietly and tried to smile. It probably looked more like a grimace though.

He returned his gaze to the street ahead and composed himself for a few minutes before looking back at me. The car had slowed down a little now, but he still didn't say anything.

I vestigially took a deep breath and gazed at him expectantly, but when he stayed silent, I heaved out a martyred sigh. "The Cullens, Charlie," I said, slightly irritated now. "You don't have to keep hiding it from me. I know."

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said as he blew a breath he had probably been holding for the past five minutes out through his teeth, "Again. I should've just told you this morning after you told me what happened last night. But I wasn't sure how you'd react," his voice now pleading with me, "I thought it might scare you, considering your past experiences with…" he trailed off for a second as he glared up at the road in front of us. "… Our kind. But as soon as Carlisle stepped into the room I realized you already knew, judging from your expressions. Did you recognize their scent at school immediately?" he asked bluntly.

I shook my head. "I knew it wasn't a normal human scent, but I couldn't place it. When I found the scent belonged to the Cullens, I had my suspicions, judging from their looks and demeanors. I didn't figure it out until I first shook hands with Edward, though," I suddenly stopped, wondering if I'd said too much.

Charlie didn't look fazed. "He's a nice kid," he said simply. "A little reserved, not quite as easygoing as Carlisle, but very… talented, in his own way."

"How long have you known them?" I asked, a little braver now.

"For as long as they've lived here," he said thoughtfully. "When they first moved in, I was the first to come by and welcome them to the neighborhood," he chucked at the memory. "They were so relieved they weren't the only ones. And I was glad they came. It was a lonely life without you and Renee," he said, looking at me sadly. "I guess it was just nice to have someone new to talk to. Carlisle and I don't see each other too much, he being busy with his family and work and me spending most of my time down at the station, but I've always got on with him well. Him and Esme are great people. Their kids too," he added with a small smile.

I cringed a little at that last part. I was already dreading the thought of seeing them on Monday. Edward would have told them what I said last night, and everything would go back to how it was in the beginning – death glares included.

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes for a few minutes. The events of today were starting to resurface into my thought process and I mentally pushed them away exhaustedly. Things were happening altogether too damn quickly.

When I opened my eyes, we had pulled up into the driveway. Charlie shut the car off and turned to grab his jacket off the seat. "Oh, Bells, before I forget," he said, fishing something out of his leather police jacket, "the towing people gave me a couple things that survived your little car wreck earlier. He handed me my car keys, "These," he said, and reached behind his seat to pull something out of the pocket, "and this. We'll see to getting your car to a mechanic tomorrow."

I took the book from his hands gingerly, hoping it wouldn't fall apart by touching it. The spine was coming loose at the ends, but it was in acceptable condition. I sighed with relief and hugged it to my chest. "Thanks, Dad." I smiled at him gratefully. "For everything."

Charlie patted my arm affectionately. "Thank _you_, Bells," he smiled with a tinge of sadness, "You know, for sticking around. It means a lot to me, really. It's a lot less lonely with you here."

"I feel the same way," I gave him a quick hug and got out of the car, and he followed me inside. "'Night, Dad!" I said as I ascended the staircase to my room.

I collapsed onto my bed and buried my face into a pillow as I kicked off my shoes. Stupid freaking half-dreams. I had been nothing less than thrilled leaving the bookstore, so I guess it was only fair that I had gotten myself in yet another accident – you know, karma and all that. I deserved it, I really did. But now I had another half-dream to worry about; another possible future that seemed nearly inevitable, because I subconsciously willed it to be.

I had every intention of telling Charlie about the book and my recent discoveries when I got home from Port Angeles, but the car accident had quite literally swayed me and I decided against it. If I told him about these new half-dreams, he would immediately say they are nothing but dangerous and they had to be stopped before I landed myself in the hospital again. I didn't entirely disagree with the "dangerous" part – they were becoming increasingly harder to evade or snap out of, and were coming at seriously inconvenient times. But then again, nothing was particularly convenient about my new existence. "Dangerous" was basically part of the job description.

Not that I would try to justify the fact that I was a dangerous thing to be around. With every bout of anger I subjected the world to, my disgust with myself only seemed to get more intense. And I'm sure Edward and Charlie felt equally as disgusted by my temper. I was absolutely monstrous. In fact, I didn't doubt I was possibly the least desirable person to be around in the entire universe now. I mean, I managed to hurt someone's feelings and get into accidents at least twice each in the past forty-eight hours. I was harbinger of freaking _disaster_.

I didn't bother reading another chapter of my Sigmund Freud book for the rest of that night. I was almost afraid I would become excited by something else it said, and have another half-dream added to my list of mysteries. I spontaneously decided that I would need said list. I went over to my desk and grabbed a notebook, opening it to a blank page.

And so, I wrote:

_Mysteries. A list compiled by Bella Swan._

_Numbered on a scale of 1-5, 1 being most troubling._

_5. My "dreams" _

_4. How to fix my anger problem_

_3. How to best spare the world from my evil existence_

_2. Why do the Cullens want to help me?_

_1. Edward Cullen_

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**A/N: **She _would_ make that her #1 mystery. Tsk, tsk, Bella.

I was a little depressed myself, not being able to find a legitimate excuse to really include Edward in this chapter, but I really wanted to clear up some confusion you guys had regarding Charlie and his vampire-dom. So if I just made you more confused… let me know what's on your mind and I'll keep trying.

Reviews make Monday come faster in Bella-world. Because I know how much you all secretly miss Mike. D:


	7. Gloomy Sunday

Disclaimer: Not. Mine.

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"Oh, _no,_" I groaned when the mechanic pulled up the garage door and revealed my very totaled car.

Charlie just shook his head disdainfully as the man began running through a list he had on his clipboard. We already knew it would cost a ridiculous amount to fix it. The figures at the bottom of the estimation the mechanic had handed Charlie only confirmed that we might as well start peddling on street corners. I grimaced as Charlie quickly scribbled a check. "This should cover it," he muttered and thrust it at the mechanic.

"Thanks," the man said with a nod, "I'll call you guys with an update in a few days. Have a nice day."

As the mechanic shuffled away to run the transaction over in his office inside the garage, Charlie eyed me reproachfully. "Grounded," he stated simply before turning on his heel back toward his police cruiser. I sighed with one last scornful look at my wrecked truck before turning to trudge a few steps behind him.

I kept silent as we drove down the gravelly main road heading to our house, my mind preoccupied with thoughts of my book and my recent half-dreams. I was still befuddled as to what they meant and I was troubled by the notion that they were bound to recur in real life – the fact that I might not realize when they do was irritating. But I didn't really know what I wanted anymore, which was why my half-dreams probably occurred so frequently now. Because apparently, they did.

Maybe I would just have to trust my subconscious for the time being, considering it had a new kind of control over my future that only appeared to grow stronger with every half-dream more vivid than the last. From what knowledge I've gathered from the book and my experiences with the dreams themselves, they seemed to only occur whenever I wished something without realizing it, and I spent enough energy dwelling on that wish. So until I could figure out how to manipulate these precognitions to my advantage, I would just have to hope that my constantly changing fate would eventually lead me down the right path.

I only bothered to look at the road as we drove along when I felt the ground's texture change under the tires. I looked up to see Charlie had taken a different turn that did not lead in the direction of our house. We were now slowly driving down a heavily wooded dirt road. I turned to glance at Charlie questioningly. He caught my look and shrugged innocently. "I'm thirsty."

I glared at him suspiciously. "Don't you usually go on your lunch hour?"

He shrugged again and did not return my gaze.

I shifted uneasily in my seat. I had only gone hunting with Charlie a few times since I had changed, often opting to go with Laurent instead when we were still in Phoenix. Believe it or not, one can feel terribly self-conscious in front of their father when they savagely kill a large buck and get blood spattered all over their favorite pair of jeans. Even if their father is sucking the life from the body of a huge mountain lion at the same time.

We had been steadily driving up a narrow incline, and when we got to the dead end at the top, Charlie quickly parked and got out of the car, motioning for me to follow him as he walked briskly into the forest. We walked in silence, both of us slowly allowing our instincts to take over as we gave ourselves to the earth. I would sometimes glance over at Charlie, but was a little put off by the distant expression in his eyes. Before I could give it another thought, he had disappeared into the trees after a scent I must have missed, somewhere far off in the distance.

I allowed myself to take my time finding a scent I wanted, becoming more and more excited as I got farther in, the forest thickening with every stride. Usually, when I hunted, I did not spend too much time walking or appreciating the beauty of the environment around me and concentrated on the heartbeat in front of me. But today I felt different – I was almost at a leisurely pace right now, observing the multitude of greens and rich browns that vibrantly colored the forest around me. I tipped my face back a little, enjoying the feel of the sun as it warmed my face, reflecting specks of rainbows onto the leaves and branches high above me. I took a deep breath, expecting to smell the rustic, piney aroma of the earth and taste the crisp midday air on my tongue. Instead, I got a lungful of the scent I had come to know all too well.

A growl rumbled deep in my throat as I instantly became alert and my muscles coiled in preparation to spring. My pace picked up and as the scent became stronger, I could feel the anger beginning to simmer in my gut. The smell was even more potent than usual.

"Where are you?" I hissed into the still of the forest. "I know you're here, Edward."

As if on cue, Edward stepped out from the trees, wiping blood from his chin as he walked towards me. "Bella," he said with mock pleasure, "What a surprise."

I was somewhat stunned. His tone and expression had changed drastically since our last encounter. He no longer held the look of great care and concern on his face from when he comforted me on the forest floor – his jaw was set in a hard line and his golden eyes didn't waver for a second. His tone was emotionless and cold. And it kind of stung.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I asked in a low voice, hoping the pain that had begun to seep out of its prison in the back of my mind did not show on my face.

He shrugged, his face impassive. "Same as you."

"Let me rephrase that," I snapped, feeling the anger rise to a boil, "_Why are you here?_"

He sneered at me and took a step forward, only about a foot away from me. "What, I can't hunt in the same woods as you now, Bella? Would it make you feel better if I went somewhere else?"

I grimaced as my hands clenched into fists. "Considerably," I spat, biting back a string of curse words as my anger steadily built into rage.

"Well, then," he smirked, taking another step towards me so that he was only inches from my face, glaring down at me with blazing topaz eyes full of resent and anger, "Now I know where I stand."

_Don't push it, Edward. _"I told you to stay away," my voice shaking with fury. Suddenly I realized I was really starting to lose control. "Edward," my voice rising in panic, "Edward, get away from me." My vision began to cloud red as I stepped back, away from him. I was shaking all over now with my suppressed fury. I was so furious with him, but at the same time, terrified _for_ him. He had to get away before I lost it. "Stay away," I pleaded.

His eyes lit up with anger. It didn't even begin to touch on mine, but I could see I had hit a sore spot with my last sentence. "No," he stated firmly, grabbing my wrists and pulling me back towards him.

"Please, Edward," I said, barely audible as I struggled to hold the rage in.

"No."

That did it. I tore my wrists from his grip, and with a roar that ripped through my body, lunged at him and knocked him to the ground. I pinned him there, hissing all the while and spitting with fury, but he did not fight against my grip. He simply lay there, staring up at me blankly as I shook with intense anger, nearly blind from the amount of red clouding my sight. As I felt the wave of exhaustion hit and collapsed to the ground beside him, a voice behind me sighed. "Well, Charlie, you were right. She has quite the temper."

I shot up from the dirt, still dizzy with weariness as I leaned my hand against a tree from support. All I could do was incredulously as Charlie and Carlisle emerged from behind the trees. Charlie instantly rushed to my side and I fell into his supporting grasp.

Edward did not look up at either of them, following us silently as Carlisle grabbed my elbow and helped guide me to a clearer part of the woods. He and Charlie sat me down against a hollow, mossy old tree that looked to have fallen many years ago. Edward stopped a short distance from us, leaning against a big oak. He did not look at me again. My eyes were half-closed with exhaustion and I struggled to keep them open as I gazed from Charlie to Carlisle and back again. "You set me up," I whispered. It was the only plausible explanation.

Carlisle looked at me apologetically. "I had a word with Charlie last night at the hospital. He explained to me he was worried about you, that you seemed to have an issue with your temper. I realize that you are still a newborn, so it is not entirely unusual to be quick to anger." he paused to look uncertainly at Charlie, who nodded for him to continue. "However, your temper appears to be something you can't very well control." He gazed at me sympathetically. "Which brings me to the first part of my proposition." My eyes widened with horror. Not this again.

"I have a lot of experience working with young vampires, Bella," Carlisle began. "Like you, most are reluctant to allow others to help them through this difficult time. With a little patience, however," he said, casting a pointed glance at Edward, who frowned and looked away, "they usually come around and let others in. I understand completely that you have your reasons for not wanting our help. But I can assure you, we just want you to feel safe, Bella. We really do want to help."

The sincerity in his eyes only made me feel worse. I got up shakily to my feet, grasping the bark of the fallen tree for support. "You planned this, Charlie? The whole thing?" I rasped.

Charlie nodded rather reluctantly. "I thought it would be the best way for Carlisle to understand what it is you're going through. Though I hadn't realized you might try to break something other than maybe a tree or two. I'm sorry, Bells," he said, gazing at me sadly. "I just wanted to help you."

As the exhaustion slowly faded away, guilt and resent began to take its place. "I realize you guys just want to help," I said with a touch of remorse, "but I think you've underestimated my situation. You saw what I was like back there. I completely lost control. I'm not safe to be around. I just can't let you help me, Carlisle." My voice broke. "I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt anyone ever again. Please try to understand," I begged. "I have to – I… I have to go…"

I backed away from Charlie and Carlisle and took off in a sprint into the woods, ignoring their calls behind me. I did not go far – just far enough to hide my shame from their loving faces. I didn't deserve them. I wished they would just take after Edward and finally realize how awful I truly was so they could stay away from me the way they should.

I found the tallest tree available and quickly scaled its length. I perched on a thick branch and brought me knees to my chest. I put my head down and just closed my eyes for the longest time. I only looked up when I heard someone calling my name below me.

"Bella?" Edward called, searching among the trees as I stared at him from my spot in the tree, high above him. "Bella, where are you?"

I didn't even have to reply; he just looked up all of a sudden and saw me, and before I knew it he was standing one branch below me, holding onto the tree's trunk as I glared up at me. "You shouldn't just run off like that, Bella. Charlie is frantic and now Carlisle just feels plain guilty."

My heart dropped to my stomach. How could I be so selfish? They were only trying to help and now I'm hiding in a freaking tree. _Unbelievable. I'm so full of shit._

Edward saw my expression and his hard expression softened for a moment, before he recomposed himself. "Come down from there at once," he ordered, offering his hand.

I took it gingerly and began to descend the tree. Despite the obvious change of heart that had occurred within him since that night in the woods, I couldn't deny the electric currents that ran through our conjoined hands the moment they touched. On any other day, I'd have been thrilled, but now it only made me feel worse. It wouldn't matter if we spontaneously became glued together right where we were – Edward would probably never look at me again. And I didn't blame him, either. I'd hate me too if I attacked myself like that every time I got me alone.

Edward and I walked in a very uncomfortable silence back to the clearing where Carlisle and Charlie were. When we got there, I cringed at Charlie's expression. It went from worried to frustrated in the instant he saw me.

"If you keep running off like that, Bella, I'll ground you," he reprimanded.

I scoffed. "I'm already grounded, Dad."

I then glanced over to Carlisle, who had been speaking with Edward quietly. When he returned my glance, something in his compassionate, forgiving eyes finally broke me. I took a deep breath and blew it out through my nose. I'm going to regret this later.

"Okay, Carlisle," I said, throwing my hands up in defeat. "You got me."

Carlisle broke into a pleased, brilliant smile. "Really, Bella? You mean it?"

I nodded, smiling slightly at his thrilled and relieved expression. Something told me if there were ever a vampire I could trust besides Charlie, it would be Carlisle. I relaxed a little at the notion and smiled back more easily. I glanced over to see Edward's reaction, but he was looking away, staring at some point off in the distance. His silent refusal to further acknowledge me had my grin fade in an instant. If only I could make him smile the way his father was.

Before I could protest, Charlie had shuttled me back to his car and driven us home at a very illegal pace, Carlisle flanking him in his black Mercedes until we reached the driveway. Charlie parked the car and hastily went to open the front door. I still sat in the car, mortified. Carlisle and Edward were coming inside. Into my _house._ _What have I just gotten myself into?_

I followed them in and we all took a seat in the kitchen; Edward and Carlisle at the kitchen table with Charlie and me sitting on the kitchen counter, facing them. Carlisle folded his hands on the table and opened his mouth to speak, but I quickly stopped him.

"Before we start working out this…arrangement," I said, twiddling my thumbs apprehensively, "I do have one condition."

Carlisle appeared to be attentive, so I continued. "I don't want your family involved in whatever it is we are going to be doing with my temper issue. It's bad enough I got you and Edward involved," I said, glancing once at the stony-faced Edward, "and the last thing I want is to subject anyone else to my derangement. Okay?"

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully. "I'll do my best to keep them out of it. Just keep in mind that they will hardly ignore you," he chuckled lightly. "Especially not Alice. As I recall, she mentioned something about you and her becoming the 'best of friends'."

I just stared at him, a little bewildered. I haven't said so much as one word to Alice Cullen and already we're best friends. Well, I guess I can't complain about that one.

"So, as I intended on proposing earlier," Carlisle continued, "I will meet with you twice a week to help you work on resolving your anger issues. You may come to our house after school on Mondays and Wednesdays of each week. Does that work for you?"

I nodded once and he smiled. "Wonderful. I am so glad you changed your mind, Bella." I smiled back and resumed playing with my hands.

"There is another thing I wanted to address briefly before Edward and I leave," Carlisle said slowly. "Charlie had also informed me about your gift.

I looked up with shock. Charlie did _what_ now?

"I have to admit, the very idea absolutely fascinates me. I have never met a single vampire who has the capability to dream. Albeit for only a short time."

I looked at Charlie with surprise. I was shocked he even remembered those few half-dreams I had while we were still in Phoenix. At the time, I knew very little about them other than they were like trances that came at random points in time for no particular reason. I doubted Charlie even realized just now different they had become since then.

"It's wonderful to have that ability, Bella," Carlisle said enthusiastically, "Who knows what those dreams mean? Or what they could turn into? They could very well be – oh," he exclaimed suddenly, as a beeping noise went off from his pocket. "It appears I am in need at the hospital." He and Edward got up simultaneously. "Well, it has been good seeing you, Charlie. And Bella, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow." He smiled at us before turning briskly to walk about the door. I decided it was now or never.

He was already halfway out the door when I ran up behind him. "Edward, wait!" I said, and he turned around with that same hard look that hadn't left his face since I first saw him today.

"Look, Edward, I'm really sorry about today," I mumbled nervously, playing with a strand of my hair as my eyes darted up to meet his. "You know, for attacking you and all."

"It's fine, Bella," he said, his voice masked with indifference.

"No," I insisted, "No, it's really not. And it wasn't fine on Friday night either. Any of it. I'm sorry about everything. And I know, for whatever reason, you wanted to help me, but I hope you see now that its really for the best that you don't and – "

"No, Bella, I really don't see that at all," he snapped suddenly, passionate frustration blazing in his eyes. "And I don't know why you're even trying to apologize. You don't mean it. Because you _know_ that you should let me help you, and you _know_ that I'm right. But you just _insist_ on shutting me out, because for whatever reason," he said, the pain he had been hiding now making itself visible on his face, "you just don't want me near you."

I stared him, eyes wide with shock. Is _that_ what he thought? That I didn't want him? _You couldn't be more wrong if you tried, Edward._

"Don't you get it, Edward?" I said softly, touching his arm lightly with just my fingertips as I wished away the pain written plainly across his beautiful features. "I don't _want_ you to stay away from me – but you _have_ to. So I can't hurt you again."

His jaw hardened and his golden eyes bored into mine. "Too late," he whispered.

With that, he spun on his heel and stalked out the front door.

All I could do was watch their car pull away from our house and drive away, my eyes wide and my whole body shaking. But this time it wasn't rage that caused me to shake – it was the unfathomable grief that washed over me the second he was out the door. Because at that moment, all my doubts and confusion about never knowing what I really wanted in life dissolved away with the bittersweet realization that the one thing I wanted more than anything else right now was to see Edward come back through my front door.

The problem was, I don't think he ever would again.

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**A/N**: Okay, don't hate me for the way I left that off. I was planning on continuing into Monday, but there was just too much going on in this chapter to go that far.

Reviews made Edward turn around and come right back through Bella's front door.

… Well, not really. But you get the idea.


	8. Jeux d'eau

Disclaimer: not my characters.

I. Am. So. Sorry. That this took so long to post. I have been sick and I kept falling asleep while I was writing this. Thank you all for your patience and nice reviews and all.

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The morning was even cloudier than I'd initially expected. The air was heavy with fog and the grey sunlight lit up the school in a dull, lifeless sort of way that likely put off most birds from singing. An ugly day to match an even uglier mood.

As I walked across the quad with Angela, I couldn't help but dreading the forthcoming possibilities I had guessed at since Edward's departure last night.

I had conceived three main ideas since then for what could take place the moment I stepped into the cafeteria.

One: A detailed, spot-on reenactment of last Monday's strange looks and death glares. Side effects include nausea, headaches, confusion, and a general feeling of resentment towards everything Cullen-related.

Two: A simplified version of Chinese water torture in which Edward Cullen stares the subject (in this case, me) down with enough force to drive them to the brink of insanity, and then back again when he looks away. This method is used repeatedly until the subject gets up and leaves, or otherwise implodes.

Three: The very sight of the Cullens causes me to spontaneously combust and as a result, I could no longer cause them any more trouble or harm.

The cafeteria seemed to loom high above me and cast a shadow over my every step as I neared its doorway. I was beginning to hope that I'd get lucky and the third possibility would become reality – but I've been known to push my luck.

Consequentially, I was unprepared. What took place in the cafeteria was altogether unexpected, and frankly, a bit mortifying.

I had been in the lunch line with Angela for no more than two minutes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around with a sharp intake of breath and gaped at the bright, smiling face of a petite girl with delicate, pale features and a black pixie cut.

"Hello," the Cullen girl said smoothly, offering her tiny hand to me, "you must be Bella. I'm Alice Cullen."

I hesitantly grasped her marble hand. "Hi, Alice," I said warily.

Alice waited a few seconds for the line to move, and spoke more quietly once Angela was out of earshot. "I just wanted to introduce myself now so you wouldn't feel as weird meeting all of us at once later today." She said, still smiling as she flicked her thumb in the direction of her family's table. "I know you'll probably think I'm silly for saying this, but I think you and I are going to be very good friends." Another genuine smile played across her lips. She sounded so sure of herself that I almost believed her.

I shifted my attention to the linoleum, not quite sure what to say. I did not want to reject Alice's kind gesture up front, but I was frustrated – I had made it clear to Carlisle that his family was to have nothing to do with me until I deemed myself worthy of their attentions. Which, considering my condition, could be a while.

Alice seemed to sense my disease. "I know you don't want us to be part of your life right now, Bella," her voice full of understanding, "and your arrangement with Carlisle is your business. I won't ask to take part in that." I pulled at the edges of my sleeves, not daring to meet her gaze. I wish I could just tell her how much I wanted them to be part of my life, how much I wanted to be able to just have friends I didn't thirst for. But I knew if I did, I'd only be back where I started – trying to convince a bunch of kind-hearted vampires to let me alone, all the while hating myself for it.

"But Bella," Alice continued, her voice sounding small, "couldn't we be friends? I know you don't necessarily get on with Edward, but it would be different with us; I'm not nearly as moody or annoying." She glanced at her table and gave Edward an icy glare before turning her attention back to me.

I inadvertently looked in the same direction, and looked away quickly when I realized he was watching us. His expression was much like the one he had before he left my house last night: cold, rigid, impossible to read. A shudder went down my spine as I felt the weight of his hard stare on my back.

It was at this moment that I realized I really did need a friend like Alice – she seemed to be kind and compassionate like her father, and I could tell that she truly wanted to be friends. _Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try…_

"All right, Alice," I finally replied, giving her the best smile I could muster. "I'd like that. Really."

I cringed when she let out an excited, high-pitched squeal and hugged me as if she'd known me forever. I was surprised at the amount of force such a small person was able to put into a hug, and had I been human, I would have been gasping for air when she released me.

"Yay!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together like she had just won the lottery. "Bella Swan, you've just made my day."

I smiled genuinely now, somewhat amused by her reaction and pleased with the prospect of having my first vampire girlfriend. Still, I knew I was risking putting yet another person in danger. However, I was comforted by the notion that Alice seemed to be nothing but kind and it was unlikely I'd ever lose my temper with her. I would just have to be more careful this time.

"I'd stay and chat but I think Edward is starting to miss me," Alice chuckled and turned to cast another icy look in his direction. He was probably doing anything _but_ missing her – at the moment, he was glaring daggers at both of us, gripping his tray tightly as he walked it over to the trashcan and dumped out his untouched food. "I'll catch you later, Bella!" Alice chimed happily as she sashayed back to her table. Edward's burning glare never left me and I winced at the contempt and resent in his eyes. I was already dreading Biology by the time I sat down at my usual table.

--------------------------

The rain was a bad sign. I walked to Biology with growing anxiety as it came down in sheets that had me soaked before I could even put my hood up. Before I opened the door into the classroom, I pulled the drawstrings tightly around my face, my sopping wet hair covering my eyes and dripping steadily on the floor as I made my way to my desk. I breathed a sigh of relief – although I was somewhat disappointed – when I saw Edward had yet to take his seat. I plopped down on my stool and buried my soaked head in my hands. I should be glad he isn't here yet. Now that he openly hated me, being around him was harder than it had ever been. Feeling his icy glare upon me during every second that I had spent in the cafeteria only amplified my regret. I knew it was wrong, and selfish – but if I could just go back and start over, I would've just had some faith for once and let him try to help me, even though I knew it was risky and unsafe. Because maybe with him it would've been different, and I wouldn't still feel so alone. But the damage had been done; I had hurt him with not only my incredible anger, but with my distrust and fear. I had too afraid of losing myself again to let anyone in.

When I opened my eyes, I gasped with surprise as I realized I was no longer in the classroom. Once again, my overactive mind had landed me straight into a half-dream.

_The fire was everywhere. It tore down the darkened streets behind me and ate everything in my path, licking at my heels as I ran blindly forward. It blazed so intensely that I could barely see, but I couldn't slow down or hide. I just kept running in the hopes it wouldn't burn me anymore. At last I reached the city limits, and I stumbled up a grassy hill towards a huge oak tree, the fire threatening to envelop me with every step. As soon as I touched the trunk of the tree, my fear dissolved away and I felt safe. I could see again. Its branches reached around me, protecting me from the flames that seemed to be retreating slowly, almost under control… _

I nearly fell off my stool when my head whipped up and out of my trance. I brushed my damp hair out of my face with shaking hands and took a deep, calming breath. I jumped again when I got a lungful of Edward's familiar scent.

I turned my head cautiously to see if he had noticed my behavior, but of course, he hadn't. He just stared ahead, jaw locked tight and arms folded on his chest. His hair was dark and wet from the rain, and he reached to swipe it out of his eyes in one swift movement. For a few seconds I forgot how to breathe – not that I really needed to.

He must have felt my mesmerized gaze, because he suddenly turned to glare at me with blazing topaz eyes. I looked down at my hands sheepishly and bit my lip. I heard him shift in his seat and let out a little huff of discontent, so I drew my hood tighter around my face and did not look again for the rest of the period. Which was a bit of a struggle, if you really want to know.

I just about fell over myself as I bolted out of the classroom when the bell finally rung. I was too distracted with getting as far away from Edward as quickly as possible to even think about the half-dream I had just had. I would have to explain all about them to Carlisle later, so I didn't bother trying to analyze it. As far as I was concerned, they weren't getting me anywhere anyways. _So much for dreams as wish fulfillment_, I chuckled spitefully at myself for even bringing that dumb book along with me.

It was still raining when my last class let out. I put my hood on for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day and stumbled with my head down to the parking lot. I squinted against the rain as I searched for my car, and then it dawned on me. I smacked my head at my utter stupidity. How could I possibly forget that I didn't have a car?

I found shelter under a tree near the school's entrance and leaned against it, wrapping my jacket tightly around myself as I shivered in the cold. And I just sat there like that, staring at the rain and desperately willing it to stop.

"Hey, Bella!"

I started when I heard a voice call out to me from the line of cars waiting to exit the school. I looked around, putting my hand up to shield me eyes from the pouring rain. Then I saw her – Alice Cullen waving her pale little hand wildly out her car window, beckoning me over. I reluctantly left my spot under the tree and jogged up to her car.

"Need a ride?" Alice grinned up at my soaking figure. "I think we're going the same way."

I looked up at the grey, cloudy sky as the rain splattered on my white face and then looked at her. There didn't seem to be many other options, and I didn't have an excuse to say no.

I nodded at her with a forced smile and she patted the leather seat next to her_. _I grimaced at it. "I'll get your car wet."

"That's okay," Alice said, motioning for me to get in. "I already did." She shook her short hair for effect, and droplets of water spattered onto her dashboard.

I got into the car hesitantly, making sure I didn't drip all over the interior as I sat down. I shivered in my damp jacket and leaned towards the heater on the dash. My skin was always cold, but I hated the feel of the rainwater on my skin. The way it slowly slid down my face and neck reminded me too much of how my own blood had oozed down the thin skin of my throat when James had tried to kill me that night in Phoenix.

Alice sensed my discomfort and took a blue sweater from the backseat. "Here," she said, handing it to me, "change into this. Your jacket is soaked."

I smiled at her gratefully and peeled off my damp jacket. "Thanks, Alice," I said as I pulled the warm cashmere sweater over my head. It was a little tight, but I instantly felt more comfortable. "So, where are your…siblings?"

"Oh, uh… they rode home with Edward, I believe," she said dubiously, fidgeting in her seat a little. "I decided to take a different car today. You know, just for fun," she added quickly.

"Oh," I said simply, not wanting to question her further. I could tell there was more to the story than she was telling me, but it wasn't really any of my business.

"They're all very excited to meet you, though," she said, relaxing back into her seat as the line of cars finally began to move forward. She laughed when I shook my head. "Really! I mean it!"

I almost wanted to tell her they shouldn't be, but I didn't want to make her feel bad. I hardly deserved her family's kindness, let alone friendship. I wished they had seen me the way Edward had seen me, in a fit of the uncontrollable rage, just so they'd know what they were getting themselves into. I shouldn't have let it go this far. But here I was, sitting in Alice Cullen's car, on the way to her house. Go me.

When I didn't reply, Alice stared into my eyes as she sped down the road and I tried to mask my pained expression. I didn't want her to know that this whole thing was entirely against my will; mostly because I wasn't even sure it was anymore.

"Oh, Bella, I _know _you think this is all a really bad idea," Alice said implicitly, as if she had read my mind. "Don't get me wrong, I understand that you didn't ask for this. But I promise you, we'll all keep out of it," she pleaded. "Even Edward." She pressed her lips together and looked a little regretful of even mentioning him when she saw my expression change.

"He'll come around, Bella," she said quietly, "I _know _it." She sounded completely convinced. I couldn't say the same for me.

Now was a good time to change the subject, so I half-heartedly asked about her life, family, etc. and she eagerly chattered without pause until we turned onto a street I assumed was hers when she slowed down. I completely froze as she pulled into her driveway when I saw the house. I got out of the car slowly as I gazed reverently at the sight of it.

It was the big white house from my half-dreams again. It seemed smaller, and less intimidating in the light of day, but it was unmistakably _the_ house I had envisioned and accidentally ran into that night that I fled La Push. My eyes immediately went to the balcony on its side that I had envisioned climbing onto just last week. If it had been possible, I would've fainted at the sight of it all. This was surreal. And could only mean one thing.

The theory about my half-dreams was true after all. Somehow I had subconsciously wanted this, and now here I was. I landed myself right at the Cullens' doorstep.

"You like it?" Alice smiled when she noticed my incredulous stare. "It's even better on the inside. Let's go!" she grabbed my hand and dragged me inside.

I dazedly walked into the entryway, my eyes roving over the beautifully furnished, bright interior. Nothing about it screamed 'vampire'. It said something more along the lines of 'my mom is an interior designer'. I was so taken aback by the whole scene that I didn't even blink until I heard Alice say my name.

"Emmett, Rosalie, this is Bella," she said, putting her hand on my shoulder.

Standing at the foot of the staircase near the front door was the other couple from the Cullen table: the muscular jock that I assumed to be Emmett, and the beautiful, tall blonde that always sat next to him, Rosalie. They looked to be a couple from how close they were standing together, and the possessive arm Rosalie had wrapped around Emmett's bicep.

"So you finally decided to come hang with us!" Emmett exclaimed with a big, goofy grin, and pulled me into a bear hug that practically knocked the wind out of me. "Welcome to the family, kid!"

I managed to wiggle out of his grip and smiled at his friendly gesture. "It's nice to meet you, Emmett."

I turned to look at Rosalie, who gazed at me with disapproval. "Hello, Bella," she said with a tight smile, offering her slender hand tentatively. "It's lovely to make your acquaintance." She shot Emmett a condescending look as she shook my hand quickly and then slid her hand into Emmett's.

"Where's Edward?" Emmett asked Alice, turning to look up the stairs.

"I'm here," a voice behind us said.

My head whipped around to meet the kindly gaze of a slightly older-looking brunette with a pleasant, lovely face and the less-than-kind gaze of a rather annoyed Edward. Alice skipped over to the woman and hugged her around the waist. "Hello, Alice darling," the woman said lovingly, petting Alice's short, spiky hair. "You must be Bella," she said with a smile as she turned her gaze on me, her eyes twinkling. "I've heard so much about you. My name is Esme. It's so nice to finally meet you, dear."

"Nice to meet you too, Esme," I said, unable to return her amiable gaze. These people were far too kind for their own good. I felt like an intruder here.

"Edward," Esme scolded, "why don't you say hello to Bella?" She cast me an apologetic glance. "Excuse his behavior, Bella. He's been in quite the mood for the past few days."

Edward gritted his teeth and glared daggers at me. I withered a little under his gaze. "We've actually already met, Esme," I mumbled.

"Oh," Esme exclaimed, exchanging glances with Alice before the light of recognition passed over her soft features. "I see."

"Bella!" a deep voice called out to me from a room farther down the hall. Carlisle walked into the entryway with a pleased expression. "I see you've met the family," he said, placing a hand on Esme's shoulder.

"Yes," I said quietly, tugging at the sleeves of my borrowed blue sweater, "They've all been very kind." I glanced up at Edward through my eyelashes sadly and he looked away, a hard expression frozen on his features.

"Well, Bella, shall we?" Carlisle asked, motioning to a door I presumed to be his study. I nodded once and smiled at Esme and Alice before following him in.

I sat down in a leather chair set in front of his wide mahogany desk and nervously picked at my sleeves. Carlisle took a seat across from me and pushed a few papers to the side before folding his hands on the desk. "So, Bella. There are a couple things I want to address today, but first I'd like to take a look at your issue with your…temper." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "The first step to dealing with this problem would be to diagnose what stimulates your anger. Can you describe to me a specific instance, other than the time Charlie and I observed, that you lost your temper?"

I bit my lip and continued to play with my sleeves. "Well," I began uncertainly, "There was one time… last Saturday, I believe… in the morning. Charlie and I were talking in the kitchen and then Charlie mentioned that my mother, Renee, had called." I ground my teeth in frustration at the memory. "He told me that the man that had been watching over her to make sure she was safe had to leave. He went home early," I spat with anger. "Even though he promised to stay the rest of the month. And I got really upset because I was afraid she wouldn't be safe. So I broke a chair and I ran out." I took a deep breath to calm myself and leaned back in my chair, brooding.

"I see," Carlisle said after a minute, studying me carefully. "Can you tell me what upset you yesterday? When Charlie and I were there?"

"Um," I looked down at my hands with embarrassment and shame. "Well, Edward showed up when I was hunting with Charlie. I got upset because I had told him," I hesitated to continue. This was not something I had meant to share. It would sound absurd, although it didn't feel that way at the time. "I told him before to stay away from me, because I was afraid I wasn't able to control myself when I was around him. That I couldn't control this," I said, holding up my shaking hands. "I'm not safe, Carlisle," I said sadly, lowering my gaze to my lap again. "That's why I didn't want your family involved. They're all too kind and I'm afraid…" I choked back a dry sob. "I'm afraid I'll hurt them like I hurt Edward."

Carlisle looked at me empathetically. "It's okay, Bella," he said soothingly, his voice full of understanding, "You don't need to be afraid. We can take care of ourselves; you don't need to worry about hurting us. Besides, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for," he cocked his head to one side, towards the entryway outside of the study. "Newborns are especially powerful and often do not know how to exercise any self-control. You, however, have proven to be remarkably different from most newborns. You seem to pose no threat to humans, and although you have these bouts of temper, appear to be able to calm yourself down before your attacks can become even near lethal."

I shrugged, not completely sure I believed that. My temper only seemed to get worse as time progressed. But Carlisle believed in me, so I would at least try not to disappoint him. "So, what's your diagnosis of my… situation?"

Carlisle kept his hands folded in front of him and looked me in the eye. "What I believe," he began. "Is that you only have these irrational responses when you fear you cannot control something. For instance, your mother. When Charlie told you she was no longer being kept under supervision, you were afraid you couldn't control her safety and you became angry. Another example of this was when Edward refused to let you alone. You feared you would not be able to control your temper around him, and ironically enough, you became upset because of that and lost your temper. So you see, Bella, its all a matter of control. If you can learn to control the anger itself, you will become less prone to losing your temper."

I did not immediately reply, there were a lot of things to think about. I guess that made sense, with the whole thing about fear and all. "How do I fix it?" I finally replied in a small voice.

"Well, I'm no psychologist," Carlisle said with a smile. "But I believe there's a type of behavioral therapy that can help with this. It's normally used with anxiety disorders and extreme phobias, but your case would probably benefit the most from this. It's called systematic desensitization."

I pursed my lips, looking at him with confusion. He smiled at my expression and continued.

"With most cases of phobias and anxiety problems, the people who possess them tend to avoid the trigger or phobic object that causes them fear or anxiety. In your case, the phobic object happens to be our family, and to be more specific, Edward."

I cringed at the idea. "I am _not_ afraid of Edward." I said firmly, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

Carlisle laughed. "Yes, but as you've previously stated, you're afraid of hurting him. Or any of us, for that matter."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. Okay, so maybe I am a little scared of them. But only because I was scared of _me_ even more.

"Normally, the first step in the desensitization process would be to teach the patient relaxing skills to stifle their fear or anxiety. The second step is to gradually expose the patient to the phobic object until they can tolerate it. So, here is where the exception part of your case comes in."

Carlisle paused to pull a book out of the drawer beside him. I stared at it in shock – it was the same book I had, _The Interpretation of Dreams._ I opened my mouth to speak, but he held a hand up and placed the book on his desk.

"Yes, Bella, I know you have the same one," he laughed, opening it to the table of contents. "One thing you probably don't know about my family is that some of us have special gifts like your own. Alice, for instance, can see into the future."

I stared at him incredulously as he continued to speak. "She had a vision of you getting in that car accident on the way back from Port Angeles. I wasn't planning on going to work that day, but I knew that Charlie would be at the hospital if you were there. When I spoke to him, I noticed he was holding that book for you. That was when he explained to me about your dreams, as well as your temper. So, I'm assuming you've read Chapter Three."

I nodded slowly, still shocked that he knew all of this.

"Your power is not unlike Alice's," Carlisle said, "There are, of course, a few important differences. Because vampires cannot technically dream, your visions are actually triggered by your subconscious."

I nodded more fervently now. "Yeah, I read that. I only get them when I want something subconsciously, and the half-dream is supposed to show me get it. But they don't make any sense. I know they're supposed to be precognitive and all, but they're no use to me because I don't actually realize what they meant until they've happened. Like today was the first time one of them actually sort of came true," I said, annoyed.

Carlisle looked at me with interest. "How do you mean?"

I sighed. "I've seen your house before. A few times, actually. Twice in my half-dreams, and once by accident when I was in the woods. But I didn't realize it was _yours._"

He leaned back in his chair and fingered the book thoughtfully. "Then, according to the theories in this book, you being here was something you wanted after all." He grinned at me. "You've got an incredible ability, Bella. You can actually make things happen with these dreams. This was the point I was going to make earlier when I got out this book. Your anger and half-dreams are connected in an interesting way: both of them have a lot to do with your extraordinary willpower. One is triggered by not being able to control something, and the other is triggered by the _want_ to control something – in this case, your own fate."

I gaped at him. "So… what exactly do you want me to do now?"

"I believe we can use one to help the other. If you can make these dreams happen on your own, then they can be used to calm you down and make you feel in control again, thus preventing any more bouts of temper."

"How?"

"Well, you've already somewhat been able to apply your gift of intense willpower to your life. For example, your self-control around humans. So all we need to do is find a way to help you will yourself into your dreams. After a while, you feel begin to feel your life is under control again and the temper will fade away."

"But I thought the dreams were just precognitive to getting things that I subconsciously want? How can I have them if I don't know what I want?" I asked, confused.

Carlisle grinned. "Bella, you know exactly what you want. You want your temper to go away. Concentrate on that and the dreams will come. After you get your temper under control, you'll be so good at self-inducing your dreams that you could will yourself into any situation. Of course, there'd be limitations. Obviously, you couldn't wish for the impossible, or for trivial things. But, essentially, you could use your willpower to have things go your way."

A slow smile spread across my face. "This could all really happen, couldn't it? I can actually change things for the better, just by dreaming it that way?"

"Exactly."

"How do you plan on making that happen?"

"Well," Carlisle sighed, running his hand through his glossy blonde hair. "Unfortunately, the process of systematic desensitization requires that we expose you to the stimuli of your anger in order to learn to overcome it. So, in a sense, what we'd be doing here is getting you angry until you learn to tolerate it and eventually get rid of it completely with your dreams." He pressed his lips together and looked at me uncertainly. "I know you didn't want anyone else involved, Bella, but I don't really see another way around this. I promise you, you won't be able to hurt us."

I looked at him with anger and confusion. "I thought you said…"

"He can only help you, I promise, Bella. Jasper?" Carlisle called. "You may come in now."

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**A/N:**__Okay, so this was originally part of one ridiculously long chapter, but then it ended up being 20+ pages so I decided to split it in half. I will post the other half later tonight.

Reviews make me spontaneously combust with joy.

( :


	9. The Uncertain Divide

Disclaimer: not mine…

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I turned to look as the door opened behind me, and a tall, lanky figure stepped in. Jasper Cullen's face was expressionless and pale, his eyes betraying no emotion. "Hello, Carlisle," he said in a quiet, deep voice. "Hello, Bella."

I stared at Jasper and then back at Carlisle with a mortified expression. "Carlisle, what's going on here?" I said, sounding more afraid than angry.

"As I said before, Bella, some people in my family have gifts of their own," Carlisle said, leaning his elbows on his desk and folding his hands under his chin. "Jasper has the unique ability to tamper with people's emotions."

Jasper came to sit in the chair adjacent to mine and turned his full attention to me. I recoiled a little under his intense gaze and glanced at Carlisle with unease. "Now, Bella, I will be giving you instructions as Jasper works with you. If, at any given time, you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, say 'stop' and we will do so."

I did not have time to protest before Jasper took my hands and made me look at him in the eye. His face contorted with concentration and I instantly felt something change inside me.

The anger began at just a slight simmer in my gut, and I struggled to fight it off as my hands began to shake in Jasper's grip. _What does he think he's doing? This is ridiculous. I shouldn't even be here. He's putting himself and everyone around him in danger._

"Concentrate, Bella," Carlisle ordered.

The rage boiled up to my throat as my vision clouded bright red. I gritted my teeth and let out a low hiss. _The idiot! Doesn't he know I could kill him any second now? Oh, god, what am I doing?_

"Bella," Carlisle said, more urgently now. "You can control this. You _want _the anger to go away, remember? _Will_ it away, Bella! Concentrate!"

I growled furiously and writhed a little in Jasper's iron grip. _Calm down. Find a happy place. Breathe. Happy place. I want this away. I can do this. _

"Bella, _concentrate!_" Carlisle commanded as I hissed louder and snapped my teeth. The anger felt as though it was eating me from the inside, consuming everything in flames. Everything was a blinding haze of red.

_Please, go away. Calm down, Bella. I want this to stop. I want this to…_

"STOP!" I screeched suddenly. I felt Jasper's hands release me, but my vision did not clear. My eyes were wide open, but I was no longer in Carlisle's study.

_I was back under the big oak tree, its branches wrapped around me as I hid from the flames. I desperately swatted them away as they got dangerously close, blindly swinging my arms from left to right to protect myself and the tree. They gradually subsided and I grabbed hold of the trunk for stability. I looked up into its branches, and my white owl was perched high above me, watching as I reached out towards it with a deep, penetrating golden gaze…_

I gasped and shuddered out of the half dream, my vision devoid of red when I looked around frantically. My eyes landed on Carlisle immediately, who was beaming proudly.

"You did it, Bella!" he congratulated, coming around his desk to give me a hearty pat on the back. "I knew you could!"

I broke into a huge grin as I brushed my hair out of my face. "I did?" I said, my voice coming out raspy from all of the hissing and growling.

Jasper's expressionless mask faded as he smiled at me. "You did, Bella," he said, patting my hand. "You didn't hurt a fly."

I jumped up to hug both of them, and fell back instantly when I looked around the study. The papers Carlisle had neatly stacked on his desk were strewn about the room, a flowerpot was broken on the floor with dirt scattered everywhere, and a bookshelf that had been in the corner lay in splintered shambles.

I turned my horrified gaze back to Carlisle and Jasper, all traces of my grin vanished. "I…didn't…hurt…a fly?" I repeated Jasper's statement in disbelief.

Jasper shrugged as Carlisle started to pick up his papers. I raised my hands to my head and raked them through my hair, before walking over to the closest wall and slamming my forehead into it.

"Hey!" Carlisle cried, pulling me away from the wall with a worried expression. "What's that all about?"

"Did I hit you?" I asked simply, my voice dripping with self-loathing.

"No," Carlisle frowned. "And you didn't try to. You looked very afraid and you were swatting at random parts of the room, but you wouldn't touch Jasper or I."

Some of the tension in my muscles faded and I sat back down, burying my head in my hands. "I'm sorry about your office, Carlisle." I mumbled into my palms.

"It's all part of the process, Bella," Carlisle said sympathetically, patting me on the back. "Don't worry about it. Besides, you did great."

I slowly got up to leave. "Well, thank you guys for this. I guess I'll see you Wednesday, then." I said reluctantly.

Carlisle's face brightened. "I guess you will."

I departed the study quickly, still mentally punching myself for ruining Carlisle's study. I was halfway to the front door when I heard a familiar tune coming from the living room nearby. I peeked around into the entrance and clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle a gasp.

Edward sat at a beautiful, black piano, his eyes closed as he poured his emotions into the keys, playing so wonderfully the sight would've brought tears to a human's eyes. His face was serene, with a little crease between his eyebrows as he caressed the keys with perfect concentration. I listened to the powerful melody that reverberated off the walls and it filled me with a strange kind of peace and sadness simultaneously. Debussy's Rêverie. I smiled bitterly to myself and looked away, leaning against the dividing wall between us. How fitting.

I wished I could've gone over there and just sat next to him as he played. I could've watched him forever. But there was more than just a wall dividing us now – we were miles apart. I looked back longingly in the direction of the beautiful music and even more beautiful man, and silently opened the front door and ran outside. The rain had ceased and the traffic was sparse, so took a back road and ran home, desperately trying to push the thought of Edward and his perfect melodies out of my head the whole way there.

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The rain continued through the next two weeks, and on days where I didn't have to go to the Cullens', I opted to spend long hours after school in the library until Charlie could come pick me up. On those days, while doing my homework or reading a textbook, I often found myself drifting from reality and let myself think of the torturously beautiful music Edward had played and his perfectly calm expression. I hopelessly hung onto that image, and would often conjure it from my memory when I received a cold look from Edward in the cafeteria or in the hallways.

There were precious moments when his expressions would not be so cruel, however, and there would be a certain element of longing or hurt present in his deep topaz eyes. I would inventory those looks into my memory, too, with the ridiculous hope that someday the thousand mile-wide space between us would disappear and we could maybe start over or something. Then I would remember myself and nearly snort out loud at the very idea. One can _only_ hope.

Then there were the days that I would catch a ride with Alice back to her house and spend my time with Carlisle and Jasper, often breaking at least one or two things in the study per visit. Had I been able to bruise, my forehead would be black and blue from all the times I slammed my head against the wall in frustration. We never seemed to make any progress after the first time. I'd always get incredibly angry, lose my mind completely and scream "STOP!" right before I'd have the exact same half-dream every single time. The only slight difference was, the owl in the tree seemed to get farther and farther out of reach each time, and the flames only seemed to get closer. It was both infuriating and disappointing. I wanted so badly to change, to get rid of my anger, but it almost seemed like a lost cause. We weren't getting anywhere.

The only motivation I really had to go was to listen to Edward play after my session with Carlisle and Jasper. I would just lean against the wall and listen to him play Chopin or some perfect rendition of Moonlight Sonata and I would just sort of melt for a while. It was altogether the most pathetic thing I could possibly do, but I just couldn't bring myself to go over there and close that stupid divide so I could sit there and watch him play. Because I still wasn't all that safe, and he still hated me. The thing that killed me the most was that all I had to do was move away from that wall, walk up to him, and say how ridiculously sorry I still was and that I didn't need him to stay away from me anymore. But I just wasn't ready to make that sacrifice yet. Because god only knows what would happen if I lost it again around him. That would _really_ kill me.

The days dragged on monotonously, and by the time another Wednesday rolled around I was considering just finding another vengeful old vampire to tear me to pieces in some dark alleyway, and save the Cullens any more trouble. I was still plotting my demise when Alice's car pulled up after school and she motioned for me to get in.

"Jeez, Bella, you're soaked," she chided as I slid into the passenger seat. "Why didn't you stand under that tree you always stand under?"

"It's probably tired of me by now," I mumbled as I gazed out the window into the pouring rain.

She snorted and cranked up the heater. "You're crazy."

When I didn't respond, her gaze became apologetic and she tugged on a strand of my soaked hair gently. "Hey," she said with concern, "What's going on with you, Bells?"

I leaned back against the headrest and turned my face to look at her. She was frowning slightly and her eyes looked worried. I let out a long sigh and finally gave in. I guess even _I _needed girl talk sometimes.

"Edward hasn't spoken to me for weeks," I said in a small, sad voice. "I think he really hates me now."

Alice glared at the road up ahead and gripped the steering wheel with unnecessary force. "I knew it," she growled. "It figures, with you two both acting so strangely lately. You totally love him."

I blanched and stared at her disbelievingly. "I… what – I barely even _know _him!" I sputtered incredulously.

"Doesn't matter," Alice shrugged nonchalantly. "When I met Jasper I knew in the first ten minutes."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward glared at me for the 'first ten minutes'," I said skeptically, making air quotes with my fingers.

She shrugged again. "So you hate him."

"Of course not!" I exclaimed defiantly.

"Then you love him."

"It's not black and white like that, Alice," I sighed. "He's really angry with me. He thinks I don't want him around. Which I don't. I'm unsafe. But I don't want him… not around either."

"Oh, cut the crap, Bella," Alice suddenly snapped. "All that 'I'm not safe' bullshit gets old after a while."

I stared at her silently, feeling a little hurt by her sudden outburst. But I probably deserved it, so I wouldn't complain.

"I'm sorry," Alice apologized quickly, "That wasn't fair. All I really want to say, Bella, is that, well… Edward cares about you more than you know. And I think you do, too. And you guys would make the cutest couple," she sighed longingly.

I chuckled bitterly. "Yeah, right."

"Really! You would!" she laughed. "I think you should tell him. Today."

"Tell him what?" I asked, confused.

She smiled deviously. "That you totally freaking _love_ him, that's what."

She looked so sure of herself that I scoffed and looked down at my lap, feeling a little embarrassed. "I won't do that," I said quietly.

She frowned and gazed at me curiously for a moment. "Well, you should at least try," she said simply and returned her attention to the road in front of us.

The car ride ended finally in a contemplative silence. I didn't want to believe what Alice had said to me, but with every step I took towards the Cullen house, I began to regret my decision to push Edward out of my life more and more. Because even if I did… care for him more than I was allowing myself to think, it wouldn't matter now. I was completely positive that Edward Cullen hated me and that was that. I think.

I exchanged my normal friendly greetings with Esme, Rosalie and Emmett and went to meet Carlisle and Jasper in the study. As I had expected, the session went exactly as it normally did, and ended with my slamming my head against the wall with frustration. Like always, Carlisle pulled me away and sat me back down in my chair.

"Bella," he said gently, kneeling beside my chair instead of taking his usual seat behind his desk. "What is troubling you?"

I looked at his concerned, kindly face with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I think the reason we haven't exactly…" he paused to clear his throat, "…progressed is because something is bothering you. You've seemed rather unmotivated recently. And you've been getting quite angry," he said hesitantly, motioning to a new replacement bookshelf lying broken on the floor.

I massaged my pounding forehead and closed my eyes. "Sorry, Carlisle." I said quietly, refusing to pursue the subject.

He sighed and got up to open the door for me. "That's alright, Bella. Next time."

I felt the guilt wash over me as soon as the door shut behind me and I began walking towards the front door, trying to avoid the piano music filling the air as I passed by the living room. I knew exactly what my unmotivated attitude and excessive anger had to do with, but what could be done anyways? Its not like I could just waltz right up to him and invite him right back into my life…

Wait.

Maybe…

Okay, so, I realized my logic wasn't really perfect at the time. I mean, there were a lot of things that could've gone wrong. It could've made things worse. Impossibly worse. But I was just so desperate to end this whole thing between him and I. And, come to think of it, Alice had sort of swayed me with her ideas in the car. The point was, I didn't really think twice before I stepped into the living room and plopped right down next to Edward on the piano bench, who was immersed in his flawless playing of Lizst's Liebesträume. I smiled at the name on the sheet music before turning to gaze at Edward.

He just sat there, continuing to play with that same calm expression on his face. Except now the little crease between his eyebrows was deeper and his eyes were open, never leaving the keys. I inhaled deeply, taking in his endearing scent and smiled a little to myself, enjoying it as though I didn't get to smell it every day in Biology.

"Edward?"

His smoldering topaz eyes snapped up to meet mine and his playing slowed. He stared at me searchingly for a moment and returned his attention to the keys. When he looked back up at me, all traces of the coldness and resent in his normal expression were gone. His face was now merely riddled with a defeated hopelessness. My heart just about dropped to the pit of my stomach. As if I could've possibly felt worse already.

"What is it, Bella?" he finally said softly, eyes boring into mine without a hint of happiness to see me.

I took a deep breath and tugged at a strand of my hair. "Um," I said pathetically. "So I think I give up."

He gritted his teeth and his brow furrowed deeper. "What do you mean?"

"I mean with the whole thing about making you stay away from me and all," I sighed with the exasperation I had been holding in for weeks. "I don't like it. I… um, I just don't think you need to anymore."

"Who's making me?" he snapped, getting up from the bench and starting towards the staircase. "Watch – I can stay away all by myself now."

"Edward, wait," I pleaded, getting up and grabbing his arm desperately. "Please don't go."

"Why?" he spat, hurt and resent lighting up in his golden eyes once again. "You told me to stay away. I'm merely respecting your wishes."

I dropped his arm, fighting back the urge to smack my head against a wall and cry at the same time. I bit my lip so hard it would've drawn blood had I been human, and took a step back.

"I don't want you to," I said, my voice shaking.

He took a step towards me uncertainly, the resent leaving his features as his eyes searched mine.

"Why?"

"Because," I said, taking a calming breath to steady myself. "Because I don't have… I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

Something like hope crossed over his features as he ran a hand through his tousled, bronze hair. I bit my lip, wondering if what I had said was too much. I mean, we hardly knew each other.

"We hardly know each other," he said softly, echoing the thought.

"Alice said she knew with Jasper in the first ten minutes," I mumbled obstinately.

"You didn't want me near you."

"Yes I did!" I nearly cried out in frustration. "I still do. And that's just the trouble, isn't it? Because you _hate_ me, don't you, Edward? You've hated me ever since I told you I was a threat and to stay away!" My hands started to shake and I struggled to compose myself. I would not, under any circumstances, lose my temper this time. Even if he threw me out of the house right now.

He closed the gap between us and grabbed my upper arms, eyes blazing. "I have never hated you, Bella Swan. Never," he said firmly.

I pressed my lips together and swallowed a dry sob. "I'm dangerous," I whispered pathetically. "I hurt you. This is unsafe."

He grabbed my chin and pulled me so close I could feel his breath fanning my face. "Does this feel unsafe?" he breathed, brushing the back of his hand across my cheekbone.

I gulped loudly and shook my head, unable to create any coherent sentences.

"How about this?" he said softly, tipping my head back and lightly grazing his lips along my jawline. I shuddered and shook my head again slowly.

"Didn't think so," he said, pressing his forehead against mine and smiling crookedly. I could faint.

"Listen to me, Bella," he murmured, gently placing his hand on the side of my face, thumb stroking my cheek. I placed my hand on his shoulder and gazed into his eyes solemnly. "I know you think I'm taking a risk by involving myself with you. But honestly, I'm willing to take it. I want to be a friend to you, no matter the danger." He smiled again and lifted his forehead from mine. "Okay?"

I nodded, forcing a smile. He wanted to be a_ friend_ to me. I forced out all the feelings that had been burning in my chest in a sharp exhale and stepped away from him. "Okay, well, um…" I said in a small voice, feeling the divide between us grow with every step I took towards the door. "I guess I'll be seeing you…" At a loss for words, I turned and bolted out into the rain towards the back road I always took home.

"Bella, wait!" Edward called after me. I whipped my head around, squinting through the merciless sheets of rain. "Do you want me to drive you?"

My frown deepened as I gazed through the rain, and although I couldn't see it clearly, I could imagine his face looked only mildly concerned. "No!" I called back, a little more sharply than I had intended and turned sprint down the back road home.

I disregarded my dripping wet hair and clothes as I bolted up the stairs and into my room, throwing myself face-first onto my bed. I blindly grabbed at a pillow and covered my head with it, trying to mute the loud recording of my conversation with Edward playing on repeat in my head._ Stupid, stupid, stupid, How could I have been so stupid?_

I couldn't believe I had actually listened to Alice. Of course it wouldn't have been the same with Edward and I than it had been with Alice and Jasper. They had been mutually in love from the moment they saw each other. Edward only saw me as a friend. I bet Alice had told him to be nice and forgive me. In fact, he probably didn't even care that much. I mean, why would he? He had seen the monster in me on several occasions. He must know better than to actually like me by now.

I flipped over and rubbed my face furiously, trying to wipe all traces of Edward off my cheeks and forehead. What did he want from me anyways?

I jumped up when I heard a knock on my door. Charlie walked in and frowned at the sight of me sprawled on my bed, dripping all over the place.

"You okay, Bells?"

I glared up at my ceiling. "Yeah, Dad, I'm fine," I muttered in reply.

"Well, I got your car back today from the mechanic."

I rolled over onto my stomach and looked at Charlie. "Really?" I said, perking up a little.

"Really," he said with a satisfied smile, chucking my keys to me. "So you can stop running home through the rain like a crazy person now."

I grinned and flopped back into my back, tossing the keys a few times in the air. "Thanks, Charlie. I mean it."

"Anything for you, kid," he said genuinely, patting the frame of my door. "Love you," he added tentatively before starting down the stairs. I smiled to myself. At least someone did.

When I heard him turn on the television downstairs, I got up and opened my window as quietly as I could, and in one lithe movement, I was on the ground. I ran silently into the woods, letting my feet guide me to wherever.

I jolted to a stop when I realized I had run back to the Cullens' house. I stood there, hidden in the shadow of the trees, gazing up at that balcony again. I wanted nothing more than to climb up onto it and look into its lit interior, and discover who it was that had been the golden-eyed shadow in my first real half-dream – but, somehow, I didn't need to look to have my answer. I'd known all along whom it was.

And now it didn't really even matter. I'd never have a reason to scale that wall and meet Edward on his balcony. Because now, standing outside his house like the idiot I was, so close to him, the divide between us never felt greater.

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**A/N: **Okay, so I just wanted to clarify on something real quick. When I had Edward say something like, "we hardly know each other" and I wrote it was "echoing my thoughts", I did not mean he could read Bella's mind. It's just a figure of speech really.

Anyways, reviews are total freaking _love_.


	10. Starry Configurations

Disclaimer: Not mine.

I know, it's been a really, really long time since I've updated. Well, about two weeks. But fear not! I am not dead! Here is a longish chapter for y'all. Thanks for the reviews and all, everyone.

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The blue cashmere sweater felt especially itchy in my hands today as I pulled it out of my locker. I had been meaning to return it to Alice for a few weeks, but often times she would re-lend it to me due to her aversion of my sporadically soaked clothes after a rainy day at school. Bunching it up and tucking it under my jacket, I slammed my locker shut and strode out into the rain, letting it soak my face and hair as I approached the cafeteria.

The last thing I really wanted to do was approach the Cullen table to return the sweater to Alice, so I had just originally intended on motioning her over to my spot near Angela and company to give it back to her, without sparing a glance in her family's direction. To be honest, I was still sort of too aggravated with the whole Edward situation to get within twenty feet of him, other than the obligatory two-foot radius in Biology.

I couldn't possibly be angry with him, I knew that. I had been sending him mixed messages since the beginning, and practically acted like he needed _permission _to be part of my life. But the whole "friend" thing had caught me kind of off-guard. I mean, it seemed he went through an awful lot of trouble just to get me help from his family. If it wasn't something…more than friendship he was looking for, I couldn't imagine he wanted a purple heart or some freaking medal of honor.

All I knew was, if he was just playing with my emotions for his own stupid amusement or something, I would be a whole lot less inclined to control my temper around him. If he wanted something from me that wasn't, well, me, then I'd make the boy _grovel_ for it. Because god knows I don't take well to rejection.

By the time I had shoved past the mobs of people waiting in line for that disgusting cafeteria food, I was well aware Alice would make no attempt at coming over to my table to retrieve her sweater. She was currently nestled in the farthest corner of her table from me, chin resting on Jasper's shoulder with his arm around her while she likely whispered sweet nothings into his ear. On any other day it would have been somewhat charming to watch, but at the moment it happened to be excruciatingly nauseating. Considering that Edward was the only other one at the table, staring aimlessly off into space while Emmett and Rosalie were probably rounding third in some janitor's closet nearby. Also considering I would have to go over there and return the dumb sweater personally, and stand there like my lame self while I half-heartedly tried to get Alice's attention, Edward smirking at me the whole time as though he didn't find the whole scene excessively unsettling. Just my luck.

I reluctantly approached their table with that dumb sweater tucked under my arm along with my copy of _Wuthering Heights _and a few textbooks that didn't quite fit in my backpack, making me look something to the effect of a lumberjack. Count on me to always make an awkward situation look impossibly more awkward. When I got to their table, I sort of carelessly tossed my books on the table, trying to look nonchalant as I pushed that rotten sweater across the table. Okay, maybe I'm being a little unfair about that sweater. But it was it's own dumb fault I had to come over to the Cullen table in the first place.

So I stood there for a few minutes, listening to Alice's nauseating whispering as Edward just sat there with a big smirk on his face. I tried to ignore it and just kept glaring at Alice, hoping the intensity of my gaze would cause me to instantaneously develop the power of shooting laser beams out of my eyes so I could get her attention. Edward watched the whole thing, even when I tried to bug my eyes out and produce some kind of laser, and his smirk turned into full-on laughter. That was infuriating enough to really get me going.

"Yeah, it's real funny, isn't it, Edward? You're having a real great time, aren't you?" I snapped at him. He just kept right on laughing, the jerk.

Alice seemed pretty surprised when she finally looked away from Jasper and noticed me hovering above her table. She glanced at Edward, doubled over with laughter, and then at me, who probably looked like an angry bull with the way I was flaring my nostrils and huffing and all. Then she glanced at the table and saw her dumb sweater, and caught on. But not exactly, because she kind of got the entirely wrong idea.

"Oh, thanks, Bella," she said with a suggestive grin, eyes darting from Edward to me again. "You know, you didn't have to come all the way over here just to give me back this silly little sweater, sweetie. Or… was there someone else you wanted to see?" she asked innocently.

"Not at all," I said swiftly, trying to keep my face indifferent as I glared daggers at her. _Don't you start, Alice._

"Well that's all right. Why don't you take a seat next to Edward here? You never do come to visit us during school hours," she said, pushing out her bottom lip as her eyes twinkled with a sinister glint. Edward had stopped laughing by now, and watched us with mild amusement and confusion.

"Um," I stammered. "I don't think so." _Alice. You. Jerk._

"Come on, sweetie," she pleaded with faux-desperation, "Come and sit down. Please? Pretty please with Edw… I mean, sugar on top?"

Jasper burst into hysterics as I stared at her with utter mortification. I wasn't sure what was more disturbing – the sexual reference, or the fact that Jasper was actually _laughing_. Edward looked to be completely mystified by the entire exchange.

"Go on, Bella," Jasper gasped, still shaking with laughter, "He won't bite," That sent both him and Alice into another fit of hysterics that had the whole cafeteria staring.

I was trying to figure out the best way to disappear for good and kill those two simultaneously when Edward finally cut in. "Alice," he said slowly, as though he was preoccupied with his own train of thought, "May I have a word?"

Alice stopped laughing at once and looked at Edward quizzically. He gave her a hard look and her grin vanished. She nodded as he stood up and followed him out of the cafeteria.

I watched as they stopped a little ways away from the exit and strained my ears to listen. Edward looked angry; he repeatedly clenched his fists and shook his head as Alice hissed quietly at him, speaking so quickly a human wouldn't be able to understand a word she said. I was only able to pick out parts of the argument.

"… you agreed to keep that to a minimum, you understand the risk…"

"… didn't mean it like that, it was just fun…"

"… you won't be laughing if it actually happens, Alice…"

"… not my fault you two are so in l-"

I turned my back to them, not sure I wanted to hear more. As much as I enjoyed my ability to listen in on certain private conversations, around the Cullens it felt too intrusive; too out of line. I shot once last angry glance at a bewildered-looking Jasper before gathering up my textbooks and stomping back to my table.

I sat down and glared at my lap with unnecessary vigor, and after I had calmed down some, allowed myself to look up and listen to the table's conversation of the day. Angela and Ben were discussing Physics or something, and Mike was sitting diagonally to me, chattering incessantly to Lauren and Jessica about something having to do with a date for some stupid social event or other. I watched them, my eyes hollow with disinterest as I counted the seconds in my head until the bell rung.

I knew I was being a little oversensitive about the whole thing, believe me, I did. Although her approach wasn't exactly the best, I was aware Alice's intentions were good and that she was just trying to lighten things up between Edward and I. She must have known by now I had taken her dumb advice and gotten myself in this mess, with the whole unrequited affection and all. I didn't blame her for how it had turned out, clearly Edward just wasn't interested – but nevertheless, I was disappointed as hell and I almost wished I hadn't said anything at all.

Maybe he just liked someone else, or maybe I had just skipped out on that innate vampire beauty gene. Yeah, that was probably it. As much as I hated to admit it, Edward was way too good for me anyways. I honestly don't know why I even bothered.

Lunch couldn't be over quick enough, and when the bell finally rung I was already halfway out of the cafeteria, taking the other exit to avoid confrontation with Alice or, god forbid, Edward.

The rain was still pounding on the cement and flowing from the roofs of the classrooms as I walked briskly to Biology, eyes never leaving the glinting wet of the pavement. I wasn't exactly anxious to get to class, knowing a whole period next to Edward will probably be like lying on a bed of nails for an hour. But at the same time, those nails held some sort of masochistic appeal. I wanted them. I _needed_ them.

Too bad they didn't need me.

Edward was already in his seat when I entered the classroom, and I at once began to fidget with my clothes and shook some of the rain from my hair before gingerly taking my seat. I barely even touched the stool, and managed to balance myself on the farthest edge of it, away from him in all his equally soaked, dripping glory.

_Stop looking at him, Bella._

I quickly averted my gaze and concentrated on the whiteboard in front of me, my lips pursed tightly together as I choked down the feelings his very presence evoked in me. They swirled together in a nauseating, yet endearing mass in the pit of my stomach.

It was nearly inconceivable that anything resembling emotion other than rage could resonate inside of me like this – it was both relieving and frightening. Sure, I didn't want to go through my existence empty, with a gaping void where my heart should have been, but the sudden presence of so much feeling – for one person, no less – scared me. Especially since the things I felt could never possibly be returned.

The magnetic pull I felt towards him only grew stronger as the minutes passed by achingly slow, and it was almost exhausting to try to focus my attention elsewhere. The connection gripped at my jaw with an infallible strength and pulled me to face him, to gaze at his wretched beauty for the millionth time, to revel in his unattainable existence.

I hated him to the core for being so close, yet so painfully unavailable. He was within an arm's length, but impossibly out of my reach. I hated him. But the hate was merely an ornament in the vast exhibition of emotions I felt for him. It was altogether confounding to me, but I could see the truth to my feelings for Edward almost clearly now. There was so much more to it than just a little bit of loathing.

I stared at him for a beat too long and he turned his head, his messy bronze locks swept away from his face and eyes shining with unmasked topaz brilliance. I looked away instantly, biting my lip with apprehension and chagrin as I caught his smile out of the corner of my eye. He nudged my arm with his elbow and I flinched, not daring to look at him again.

"Hey," he said quietly, resting his hand lightly on the back of my arm, causing me to flinch away from his touch again.

I glanced up at him, still chewing my lip anxiously as the emotions in my gut swelled and filled my body with a strange kind of fear and elation. I fought them down with the overriding resent and uncertainty and looked away again, barely mumbling out a "Hey, what?"

"Are you… I know you're prob – well… um," he stuttered out, casting me a disdainful look as he struggled for words. He was kind of cute when he was incoherent. _Shut up, Bella. _

"I'm sorry for my sister being so… um, rude at lunch today. She's not usually so st… um, well, bold." He offered me a sheepish smile, looking rather embarrassed to have even spoken in the first place.

I gave him a tight smile in return and nodded sharply, returning my attention to the front of the classroom. Of course he'd be sorry. Wouldn't want Alice to give me the wrong idea or anything. I mean, after all, we are just "_friends"._

"Bella…" he sighed, running a pale hand through his already tousled hair. "Are we… okay?" His eyes bored into mine in a rich golden question. I faltered at the intensity for a moment, and then collected myself. I masked all emotion in my face and tensed my jaw, returning his gaze with fabricated certitude.

"We're fine," I said a little too sharply, and looked away.

"Yeah," he muttered, disconcerted, "Okay."

I hid my face behind a curtain of chestnut hair and I bent over my notebook, pretending to take notes as I scrawled down a single word in a column down the page. I meticulously outlined and darkened each letter with such force that I cut through several pages of the notebook with my pencil. I only vaguely noticed when the teacher motioned for everyone to get up and the students began to shuffle about the classroom.

Someone in front of me chuckled as I scraped the words into my notebook. "No to what, Bella?" Mike said with an easy smile, rounding the corner of my desk and standing beside me.

I looked down at the messily written succession of _No_'s down the page of my notebook. "I don't know," I said disinterestedly, not bothering to return his grin. I looked around the classroom to see everyone clustered in groups at the lab tables, chatting amongst themselves and flipping through textbooks.

"What are we supposed to be doing?" I asked with a bored tone, still glaring down at my notebook.

"Just reviewing or something," Mike shrugged. "Nothing special."

"Oh," I said, resting my head in my hands and pushing my long hair out of my face. "'Kay."

"So, Bella," Mike said, leaning on my desk and getting a devious glint in his eyes. I frowned at his expression and thought about just jumping up now and running to hide in the restroom, but I didn't get the chance to think my escape method over before he spoke again.

"You got a date for prom yet?"

My frown deepened as I stared at his hopeful, goofy grin. "No," I said warily. "Isn't that kind of a while from now?"

"Well, yeah. But I was just wondering… you know, before anyone else asked… you'd want to go with me?" He said it like more of a statement than a question, the stupid grin on his face never subsiding.

"Actually, Mike," I said slowly, racking my brain for a good excuse, "I think… I think Jessica wanted to go with you. And, well, you know, I'd feel bad stealing her potential date."

He shifted uncomfortably and scratched the back of his head. "Jessica, huh? Well, I mean, I'm sure she wouldn't mind all that…"

Mike suddenly straightened up and glared haughtily past me. I glanced around my shoulder and nearly fell out of my chair with surprise when I saw Edward was glaring right back, his golden eyes blazing in a silent threat.

Their mute exchange lasted all of three seconds before Mike broke his gaze and turned to me with an annoyed and disappointed frown.

"Um," he said with a slight stammer, "Okay, forget it. Later, Bella."

I looked on incredulously as he nearly tripped over himself in his rush to find a new table. I turned to Edward, my mouth hanging open in confusion. His fiery glare never left Mike's back.

"What was _that_ about, Edward?"

His murderous concentration on Mike's back broke suddenly and he turned to me with a small smile playing on his lips.

"What? That?"

I nodded, a crease forming between my eyebrows when his subtle smile turned to a full-on grin.

"_That_ was nothing." He stated simply, and turned back to his work.

My mouth shut with a resounding _click_ and I buried my head in my hands. Glaring furiously at my notebook between the fingers covering my face, I absentmindedly scribbled a few more _No_'s onto the already shredded and vandalized page of my notebook.

Oh, I'll show him "nothing".

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Friday passed excruciatingly slow, but I managed to steel myself from even sparing a glance in Edward's direction. After yesterday's Mike vs. Edward encounter, I knew that there was a possibility that the "friends" thing wasn't entirely working out for him either. Yes, that possibility was miniscule. I realized that. But hell, it existed.

I had gotten up this morning strangely and newly determined. For the past few weeks I had been considerably hopeless in my sessions with Carlisle. The half-dreams were always of the same thing: the raging fire, the big oak tree I tried so desperately to protect, and the fervently watching owl. I wanted to badly to progress; to beat the anger earlier and save the study from further damage, but my lack of motivation had deterred me.

Now that I had a clearer idea of what I wanted – or, more specifically, _whom_ I wanted, maybe the dreams would change. They'd kill the anger before it even reached a boil. They'd arrive quicker. When I wanted them. With what I knew I wanted.

Conflicting interests? Maybe. I couldn't defeat my anger and will the one person who makes me angrier than ever my way. But really, I don't care what it takes. It had to happen. I _had_ to get him.

I knew I couldn't rely solely on the half-dreams to bring Edward to me. Somewhere deep down, I knew for some reason I did possess that kind of willpower, but I honestly didn't have the strength or patience to put all my efforts into just that.

I guess I just had to be a little more creative. But, you know what they say: where there's a will, there's a way.

So I had tried out the oldest trick in the book today. I knew it was kind of a long shot for me, but playing a little hard-to-get couldn't hurt, right? Even if I was the one trying to, uh, get.

Of course, it didn't make a difference in the slightest. Alice had somehow managed to sidle up to my table during the lunch hour and ask me about five hundred questions regarding what happened with Edward and I on Wednesday, not bothering to mention the argument that had occurred between him and her just yesterday.

As far as I could tell, Edward did not glance once in our direction in that timeframe. That only determined me further, and I made a point of flipping my hair at least thirty times during Biology and furtively glancing mock-indifferently at him each time I did so.

All that really did was get me another mortifying interaction with Mike, in which I accidentally flung a pen that I had been holding in my hair-flipping-hand at the back of his head from my seat at the lab table. He must have glowered at me for ages after that, because Edward just kept snickering like the stupid, beautiful jerk he was at random intervals for the rest of class.

Well, he obviously wasn't going to make this easy.

I spent most of Friday night doing what I do best – pacing my room for hours without rest. I hated the fact that I wouldn't be able to see Edward again until Monday. That really killed me. There was only so long I could wait before I would just resolve to pounce on him the next time I get him alone, and lock him up in my closet for the rest of eternity. I could do that. I mean, besides, its not like he'd really know the difference. We did technically live out eternity in darkness anyways. Who's to say it can't be in the comfort of Bella Swan's closet?

I paced up and back the length of my room through the night tirelessly, and I probably would've gone on for hours after that if I hadn't gotten a text from Alice early Saturday afternoon.

_Hey, what r u doing today?_

I looked at the phone hesitantly before slowly punching in a reply. I wasn't exactly a proficient typist on cell phones or anything, so I wasn't surprised when I got another text about two minutes after receiving the first one.

_Actually, I know exactly what u r doing. U are going shopping w/ me! Be ready in 10 min, I'm coming 2 pick u up._

There wasn't much of a point in arguing, I knew Alice well enough to know she wouldn't take no for an answer when it came to matters of the mall. Charlie was already down at the station, and I didn't exactly have anything better to do. Before I could think twice about the whole thing, she appeared on my front doorstep, her sleek blue Mustang still running in the driveway. With a huge grin, she grabbed my hand and launched back towards her car.

Shopping wasn't really my cup of tea, but Alice, being her usual perky and lively self, made the torturous process of examining and trying on clothes almost worthwhile. She insisted on buying me countless pieces of clothing, which only made me feel worse about the whole thing because I would probably never wear any of them out of the store. I usually dressed in an understated, inconspicuous fashion, leaning more towards dark blues and blacks – but of course, Alice wouldn't have it.

"Bel_la,_ you simply _must_ stop picking all these stupid black shirts! Try some color for a change!" she cried, taking a conservative black blouse I had plucked disinterestedly from the racks in some frilly, girly boutique I wouldn't have dared to enter had Alice let me choose the stores.

"But Alice," I begged, "Color makes me look _stupid_. And… and dumb."

She snorted and snatched a few shirts from the tremendous pile in her dressing room.

"Try these on," she commanded, "or I will come to your house and individually burn every piece of black clothing you own. No questions asked." I began to speak but she held up a finger to silence me. "No questions."

My shoulders slumped in defeat and I dragged myself into the adjacent dressing room. I picked up the first piece of clothing Alice had given me – a turquoise, long-sleeved shirt that clung to… well, everything. And the deep V of the neckline didn't leave much to the imagination. _Next._ I peeled off the shirt and tossed it to the side, opting for a pair of dark wash jeans in the pile instead. They fit pretty tight, but they looked okay and I didn't want to upset Alice any further.

A light green sweater caught my eye from the pile, so I pulled it over my head and smoothed my hair before examining myself in the mirror. It suited the jeans all right, even though the neckline was also kind of risqué and it clung mercilessly to my waist.

"Bella! Show me!" Alice cried from her dressing room. We walked out simultaneously and she gasped with pleasure.

"Oh, wonderful! You look great!" She put her hands on my shoulders and steered me towards the full-length mirror at the end of the dressing room. I had to admit, we didn't look that bad. Well, Alice really did look lovely. She wore a white eyelet skirt that fell right above the knee and a beautiful, deep purple cardigan that stood out against her flawless porcelain skin. It was enough to make any guy faint, mortal or immortal. "You look perfect, Alice," I said with a tinge of jealousy in my tone.

"It's nothing special," she said, studying her reflection from all angles. She cocked her head to the side and smiled deviously. "_You_, on the other hand, look _hot._ Now, if Edward saw you in that…"

"Alice!" I exclaimed with embarrassment, crossing my arms over my very exposed chest.

"Just saying," she shrugged. "You do still like him, right?"

I lowered my eyes to the floor and picked at my sleeves. "Unfortunately," I muttered. "Why?"

"Well because he obv – " she suddenly stopped, as if she had just remembered something. Her expression changed to one of indifference and she returned her gaze to the mirror. "Oh, I don't know. Just wondering, I guess."

I frowned at her reflection, not wanting to ask more about the subject. Clearly there was something she wasn't telling me, but I wouldn't pry. I would pace and obsess over it later. Right now – and I can't believe I'm saying this – I'm just going to concentrate on shopping.

--------------------------

As expected, the pacing returned later that day, after Alice had dropped me back home from the ridiculously long shopping trip. To avoid spending the entire evening like that, I called Charlie, who apparently had to work late that night on some new case. I distracted myself with _Sense and Sensibility_ for a few hours, but winded up pacing again when it got dark outside. My blindingly fast thought process proved to be nothing but a headache and a loud nuisance. The only escape I knew was to go run somewhere.

I was out my window and on the ground in a second and I took off running, once again letting my feet guide the way. The wind whipped through my hair and branches snapped at my face and torso as I sped through the thick of the forest, occasionally gazing up at the starry sky while I ran.

I skidded to a stop when I reached the clearing I recognized all too well. I almost expected I'd end up here again. I leaned my back against a tree and gazed up at the illuminated balcony, focusing on the drawn curtain over the door to see if there were shadows inside. I saw none. I sighed with disappointment and turned to go home, and nearly screamed out loud when I bumped right into the very shadow I had been waiting to see.

"Edward! I – I, uh… I was just…" I gasped, at a loss for words as I scrambled for an excuse to why I was hiding in the trees outside his house.

"Spying on me?" he grinned, rocking on his heels with his hands behind his back. His topaz eyes glimmered with laughter, the bright stars sparkling in their warmth. I bit my lip as I silently begged the earth to open up beneath me and swallow me whole.

"No," I mumbled lamely. "I was just… I got lost."

He chuckled and began walking backwards, into the woods. "Need a guide home? Come on, I'll show you the way."

"How do _you_ know where my house is? Spying on me?" I said patronizingly, glaring into his bright, amused golden eyes.

"That's right," he said with a wink and offered me his hand, keeping the other behind his back.

I frowned at his outstretched hand, carefully hiding the girl inside me who was squealing and bouncing up and down. "What's that you've got behind your back?"

"Um," he said, suddenly nervous as he kicked at the dirt under his feet. "Here." He handed me a book, which I instantly recognized to be my copy of _Wuthering Heights_.

"How did you…?"

"You left it at our table during lunch a few days ago." Now it was his turn to look embarrassed.

"You've had it the whole time?"

"It was… I just… I guess I just forgot to give it back sooner. Sorry. I was going to give it back," he muttered.

I smiled a little. He was going to give it back. Tonight. I liked that idea. But I had a better one.

"Well," I said, grabbing his still-outstretched hand, "If you thought you could just waltz into my room, uninvited, just to return some lousy book, then you're dead wrong. But…" I paused for dramatic effect, smile widening sinfully as I gazed back at his illuminated balcony, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

--------------------------

**A/N: **Yeah, I know this isn't the best place to end the chapter. But I have a pretty good outline for the next several chapters, so don't worry! There will be more soon.

Reviews are better than Alice and Jasper's sexual innuendos.

Well, almost. :D


	11. Nocturne

Disclaimer: Not my characters.

--------------------------

The way I moved behind Edward as he led me towards the suspended, lit balcony that night, I think they called it _floating_. I felt something stirring inside me that I hadn't felt in a long time. I think they called that _hope._

Hoisting myself up onto the balcony after him, it was all so surreal. When he turned to grab my arms and guide me over the barrier between the balcony itself and the open air, golden eyes shining brighter than ever, I shivered with the new feeling. I had seen this once before, in my dream. The sudden reality of it all made me weak at the knees.

My reaction to his nothing more than considerate touch was a little dramatic, I won't deny that. I mean, I wasn't completely oblivious to the difference between our feelings for each other. In my book, friendship and obsession were opposite poles. A positive and a negative. Safe and lethal.

Obsession. That's what I was going to call it. More than attraction, stronger than simple desire or need.

I didn't know what love was, but this had to be close.

Maybe it was just a side effect of my quickly-increasing obsession and need for him, but I was starting to feel that the great divide between us was starting to fade, and the magnetic pull was unmistakable. It felt like every fiber of my being was wired to him.

And right now, I was a live freaking wire.

The moment my feet touched the balcony, Edward had grabbed my hand and tugged the screen door open, revealing a very neat, modestly furnished bedroom – well, minus the bed. One wall was adorned with floor to ceiling mahogany shelves, containing endless books, records, CD's, and even a row of audio cassettes. The white paint of the parallel wall was hardly visible under the layers of sheet music and sketches tacked onto its surface, in a wide arc above an antique wooden piano, a bit smaller than the one downstairs. It was the defining piece in the room, and it was every bit as beautiful as the other. A few loose papers and CD's lay on the floor beside the spacious, deep blue couch set against the wall near the closed door facing us. I held my breath as we stepped into the room in unison.

I could practically hear a nonexistent heart pounding away in my chest. Every inch of my cold body felt impossibly warm. I was alight with fiery excitement. His hand felt like a torch in mine. And I was the Statue of Liberty.

I was the Vampire of Liberty, and claimed my freedom with our hands linked in a marble grasp.

Edward shut the door behind us and chuckled lightly at my ecstatic expression before making a wide gesture about the room. "Yeah, this is my room. Nothing to get excited about, really." He smirked at me and kicked a few CD's towards the shelf. "Sorry about the mess."

I smiled and said nothing, simply turning to examine the rows of media on his well-stocked shelves. I ran my fingers reverently over book bindings, silently mouthed the names of familiar albums, my smile only growing with each passing minute. Edward gazed at me with an amused, calm expression.

"Good stuff," I said, patting the shelf and walking across the room to the vintage piano. It reminded me of the archaic, untouched one Renee had kept in the living room. "_Just for show_," she'd always say, and laughed when I tried feebly to play some kind of melody, Chopsticks, Für Elise, anything. "_I guess we must've skipped out on the musical gene, honey. You and I, we're a family of frogs_." I touched my hands to the keys and gazed at them with hesitation.

I was as tone-deaf as they came. But with Edward so close, being in his room with him, _alone_ – I felt I could sing. And cry. And maybe even hide under the piano bench in fear. His presence had me falling all over myself.

"May I?" Edward breathed behind me, and I shuddered at his intoxicating scent before moving aside on the little bench. He sat down next to me, our upper arms brushing against each other as he began to play. I had to resist the urge to lean on his shoulder and revel in the music that filled the room. He was instantly at peace, his concentration devoted to the keys.

Call me crazy, but I was nearly jealous of those keys. I wish I could be the one to give him that kind of peace, to have that fervent devotion directed at me.

"_Practice makes perfect, baby,"_ Renee would tell me when I'd toss my sheet music in frustration from our just-for-show piano. "_You can do anything if you set your mind to it._" She better be right about that.

"Teach me," I said softly as I gazed at his perfect concentration and reached to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. A smile turned his lips at the corners, but he did not look away from the keys. I was going out on a limb here, I really was.

He finished off the last few measures of the Chopin piece and turned his intense gaze to me. My breath caught in my throat momentarily and my train of thought sputtered to a halt.

"Really?" he said in a quiet voice, the corners of his lips still curled up in that delicious smile that kept my imaginary heart rate dangerously high.

What were we talking about again?

I felt the bench shift and uttered a quiet, disdainful hum of protest when I saw that Edward had gotten up and walked over to his bookshelf. He clicked his tongue against his teeth a few times while he ran his fingers along a shelf of librettos and composition books.

With my back to Edward, I glowered at the keys as they beckoned me tauntingly to play. I had always felt drawn to music, but piano wasn't really my forte. I tested out a C apprehensively. It couldn't hurt to try.

I flinched as I stumbled through the opening measures of Moonlight Sonata, my fingers repeatedly catching on the wrong notes. Of course it could hurt to try, my playing hurt my own ears.

Edward chuckled softly from behind me and affectionately – _affectionately_? Boy, was I losing it – tugged on a strand of my dark hair before taking his seat beside me again.

"Here we are," he breathed as he brushed the dust from the cover of a beginner's piano songbook. It could have been a hundred years old, that ratty old thing. Actually, it probably _was._

I scoffed at it and glared at Edward indignantly. "_You_ teach me. No books. Just you." I paired the last word with a sharp jab with a low E on the piano.

He crossed his arms with a frown. "The book is good. If you want me to teach you, we use the book." He stabbed at few high notes to harmonize with his last few words.

"_Patience",_ Renee always told me when I plunked my head down on the keys of our obsolete piano in submission. "_You can only get better from here, remember that."_

The stupid old songbook mocked me silently, a remnant of my many past piano lessons as a young girl. Before he could react, I snatched it out of his hands and hid it behind my back.

"Please, Edward," I said, pushing my lip out and making my best puppy-dog face, "I hate the books. I want to learn from you, and you only. Please, please, _please?_"

He smiled crookedly at my pout and tugged a strand of my hair again, sending shivers down my spine as his hand just barely grazed my face. "All right," he agreed.

Despite my better judgment, I clapped my hands together, a childish grin lighting up my face.

"But I can't teach you all in one night," he warned. "So I guess you're just going to have to come back," his smile widened as he cocked his head to one side, bronze hair falling over one eye, "Every night."

I absent-mindedly lifted a hand to brush his hair from his face, and retracted it quickly, willing myself to moderate my childish behavior. "I'm sure I can manage," I shrugged.

"Good," he said, pushing the hair from his face and returning his attention to the keys. "So I guess we'll start with the basic scales…"

"Ha!" I snorted. "Scales. Right. What am I, a kindergartener?"

He smirked, an amused glint in his topaz eyes. "Are you?"

I glared at him. "I already know those. I want to play _songs_. Maybe something easy first, like Valse de L'adieu. Or the rest of Moonlight Sonata. Or Clair de Lune, or…"

I was abruptly cut off by Edward's soft laughter. He took my hands from the keys into his own, and patted them gently before placing them in my lap. The simple contact made me feel as though my heart had just inflated ten times its size and started beating again, in all its bloodless glory.

"One step at a time now, shall we?" he chuckled. He took my hands again and returned them to the keys, his hands never leaving mine as he directed each finger to a simple, repetitive tune. I smiled to myself and shook him off, playing the tune as best as I could without his guidance.

"Not bad," he said, chewing on his lip as he watched my hands glide over the keys. "Now, try this."

He added higher harmony to the tune I was playing, and it wasn't long before I messed up again. _Patience, patience, patience,_ I chanted to myself silently.

My mantra rendered ineffective. I sighed with frustration and crossed my arms over my chest again, fuming at my musical defectiveness.

"Aw, don't give up now," Edward pleaded, fighting a smile at my childish expression.

I scowled at him. "And why not? I suck," I pouted, my eyebrows knitted together with annoyance.

"You're wonderful," he said softly, imitating me as he reached to smooth out the deep crease between my eyebrows. I leaned closer to him instinctually and he smiled, his hand resting on my face for a beat before he seemed to remember himself, and once again returned his focus to the piano. My scowl returned and I glared at his troubled expression. Sometimes I really wished I knew what he was thinking.

"Come now," he encouraged me as he pulled my hands back onto the keys. "Try again."

I sighed in resignation and resumed my below-par playing, his movements matching mine on a higher scale. His melody sounded fluid, flawless – self-assurance smoothing over every wavering note.

This was us. Who we were. Everything he did would be on the higher scale. Played to perfection. He would always be, to me, larger than life. Too good to be true.

A reassuring touch on my shoulder made me aware I had stopped playing again. Edward studied me, his golden eyes roving over my face in wordless question.

Did I want to do this? I didn't know. That really was the winning question, I guess. I was sick with this strange magnetic obsession I had for him, the mystery surrounding my quickly thawing heart, and all the undertones of doubt and inferiority weren't helping my case.

"Sorry," I muttered in apology. "Guess I got distracted."

"Bella, I…" Edward began, and then shut his mouth as his gaze flickered to the wall behind me. "It's getting late," he mumbled. "Maybe we should pick this up tomorrow night."

I nodded, and before he could say anything else, had bolted up from the bench and was outside on the balcony in a few strides. I hated the whole dramatic feel to these kinds of quick departures, but I had to get out of there. There was always something compelling me to run away when I started to feel this way. Like I wasn't good enough.

And hell, I really wasn't.

"_Therein lies the paradox," _Renee would always laugh when I'd complain about my inability to play the ornamental, just-for-show piano. I don't think she ever knew what that meant.

"Bella! Wait!" Edward called after me, wrenching the screen door open and catching my arm before I could hoist myself back over the edge and fall back into the night. He pulled me towards him, taking my other arm and grasping me firmly with a fiery glint in his eyes. I cringed, unable to return his gaze. It was burning a hole through my skin as we stood there, as I desperately tried to wiggle from his grasp. No such luck.

"What are you running from?" he demanded, anger creeping into his voice and burning eyes.

"You said it was getting late," I shrugged, my eyes never leaving my trapped arms in front of me. "Do you mind? I didn't exactly come here to join a chaingang, you know."

Edward huffed out a breath of frustration and pulled me closer to him, our foreheads practically touching now. Normally, I'd find the position unnerving. But I was oddly calm, even though his eyes were still burning with unsaid words and the fire I knew I'd catalyzed.

The Buddhists always said when you met your soulmate, you'd be at ease. No agitation, no nerves. I never believed them until now.

"Why are you running, Bella?" Edward held my arms tighter when I tried to pull away again. I stared into his eyes, searching behind the fire for the answers I needed – but he was more careful than that. His true motivation to stop my hasty exeunt was just as shrouded in mystery as anything else in his mind.

I didn't bother saying more and this time he sighed with defeat, releasing my arms and stepping back towards his door. "I'm sorry," he said without an ounce of sincerity, the cold of sadness extinguishing the fire in his gaze. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then."

His last sentence came out more like a question and I nodded with a tight smile, just as unable to find sincerity for my gestures as he was. Without another word, I swung myself over the balcony and was on my feet in an instant, willing myself to not look back as I plunged into the dark of the woods back home.

--------------------------

_The fire licked closer and closer to my feet as I braced myself against the oak tree. As the flames neared the branches surrounding me, I prepared to fight them off and protect the tree, but before I could swing my arms out to swat the flames away, a gust of wind blew in my face and I braced myself against the trunk once more. And there it was – my white, golden-eyed owl, flapping its huge wings at the fire as it retreated faster than it came…_

"Excellent, Bella!"

I shuddered out of my half-dream and my eyes opened slowly, my vision refocusing as I gazed about the study.

_No mess,_ I noted as the pride and relief bubbled up in my stomach and filled my chest. I looked back up at Carlisle's beaming face.

"I did it?" I breathed in disbelief, looking from Carlisle to Jasper as a brilliant smile slowly grew on my face.

"You did it." Carlisle said proudly, and ruffled my hair a bit before turning to gesture about the room. "See? Everything's in order. No thrashing, no anger, no nothing. You just snapped right into it and out again. You did great."

I bounced out of my seat and hugged both of them gleefully. I was elated, a thousand bees buzzing in my head as I let the happiness wash over me. I was free, the Vampire of Liberty again who claimed her freedom by one man and one man only.

Well, besides Carlisle and Jasper.

"Does this mean we can start doing new things now? Like teaching me how to manipulate the future and stuff with my dreams?" I asked excitedly, still bouncing up and down.

Carlisle chuckled. "Everything in moderation, Bella. We'll get to that very soon."

I nodded quickly and waved at the two of them before bounding out of the study. "See you guys next Monday!" I called over my shoulder as I practically skipped to the front door.

I paused at the door, my hand poised over the doorknob when I recognized the music coming from the living room. Pathétique I. Edward was playing softly, but I could feel the passion emanating from each note. He sounded angry today.

I had gone to Edward's room nightly for four nights now, tonight being my fifth. I had been terrified that after the first night, he would no longer want me to come, but strangely, he acted as though nothing had ever happened. He welcomed me back on to his piano bench with grace and a big smile. I knew something must've been wrong, but I'd been too afraid to ask.

Distancing myself from him had never helped. I guess you could say I gave up on that on the second night. I wanted so much for things to change, and I wasn't going to let my doubts and fears get in the way.

So things sort of loosened up after that. It had been three days and I was still wired to him. My being was alight with energy and hope. And it showed through during my last two sessions with Carlisle and Jasper. I was nearly healed now. My anger was almost gone.

As it happens, Edward's wasn't. He made an impressive effort to hide it from me, but I could see something was bothering him. He was repressing something every time I was with him, when I sat near him in Biology, when our arms touched as we played piano side by side. I felt the anger in his eyes, on his skin. And now I could hear it, too.

I tiptoed into the living room and leaned against the frame of the entrance, studying Edward's frustrated expression as he let loose his emotions into the piano. He didn't look up.

_Patience, patience, patience._

I walked up to stand behind him as he played, the passion radiating from his body filling the air and soaking into mine. His raw emotion struck an unfamiliar chord in my still heart and I reached out to brush my fingers through his unkempt, glossy bronze hair. He sighed under my touch and leaned back onto me, and with an affectionate smile I continued to gently stroke and smooth his hair.

We didn't speak for a long time, and we didn't need to. A lot of things just went without saying. Even though I wasn't exactly sure what he was saying at all.

Finally, he pulled me down to sit beside him on the bench with my back to the piano, and pushed some stray strands of hair from my face, allowing his hand to rest there for a moment before taking it away again. I opened my mouth to protest, but when I looked up, my breath caught in my throat. A thousand emotions danced in his eyes like stray lights glinting off a topaz lake. His mouth was set in a straight, troubled line. And for the first time since I had met him, I felt afraid. Not for myself – but for us, as a whole. The divide I had tried so hard to push through was rebuilding itself before my eyes.

I chewed my lip thoughtfully and stared down at my hands. But what could be done? We had reached an impasse. He was unhappy and didn't need me to fix that. Didn't need me for anything.

But pathetically enough, I still needed him. And his pain was mine, his troubled expression mirrored my own. What would I do? I had only just begun to heal myself – what _could_ I do?

I reached my hand up again this time to place my hand on his cheek, and his troubled line of a mouth turned down at the corners. Another chord struck in my heart, this one more familiar: hopelessness.

"Bella," Edward whispered weakly. He didn't need to say more. Everything in his posture, his face, his eyes read one thing.

A third chord sung mockingly in my chest: rejection.

"See you later, Edward."

I didn't stop running until I got to my truck, and was well over the speed limit down the road before I allowed the pain clenching in my throat to fully set in. My vision was clouded with an unfamiliar haze – a cloud reminiscent of the tears I once would have cried.

What would I do? What could I do?

I sat in the stalling car off the side of the road, my head resting against the steering wheel. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing in vain for myself to slip into reverie and forget, if only for a short time, about Edward and his troubled eyes.

But my heart was heavy and I was winded with disappointment. My chest clenched again and again, suffocating my insides. The tides had turned, and the thousand bees that had buzzed in my head before were pushing against my skull, threatening to explode, a cerebral hive of passionate disappointment.

I found that I had to question myself again: did I want to do this?

Ever the mystery, ever the winning question in the losing game.

"_Therein lies the paradox,_" Renee would say. She didn't have a clue.

--------------------------

Even under the shadow of the trees, I still felt estranged out in the slowly passing dark hours of the wilderness. I had left Charlie a note on the counter – _Hunting. Going far. Be back soon. _That wasn't a lie. I went hunting shortly after I got home, far from where I normally went, way up in the mountains. But Charlie probably wouldn't even notice I'd been gone. He always worked late nowadays.

I kicked at some loose pebbles at the base of the tree I rested against. Torn shards of bark and branches were scattered around my feet, a splintered halo of my disillusionment. A reenactment of my past frustration, forlorn in the dismal black of night.

I didn't know what I was waiting for, sitting only a few yards away from the clearing I had become accustomed to running to each night for my meeting with Edward. My "piano lesson", as I called it, all true intentions aside. I didn't need to say more – those intentions were clear, unmasked in the deep brown void of my eyes. And again and again, they were rejected, diminished by the object of my obsession. My only need and desire. My life.

But there I was, hiding in the forest, unwilling to cross through to the clearing and up into the room that felt too much like home. Unwilling to brush arms with him as I desperately tried to carry a melody. Unwilling to face the very man I was caving into with every passing second.

He took my life.

No, that wasn't true. I gave it to him. I gave _into_ him, because he was the eulogy to my funeral, the burn to my flame, the drug to my addict.

I wasn't the person – vampire, creature, entity – I was supposed to be, wrapped in the shadows of the night, surrounded by trees as I watched for him through the glass door of his balcony. This side of me should have died with my mortal self the moment venom met blood. I wasn't supposed to need _anyone_.

They say the first step on the road to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I got that part down pat. Next step: put a little faith in a higher power, hope for sanity. I'm almost positive the guy sitting on his high throne in someplace like heaven would tell me to just get out while I could. Sit back, relax. Rehabilitate.

Could I turn my back on all this? Put Edward behind me and out of my life, throw him out like a clock that didn't tick?

I had been staring at his balcony for hours. I wasn't going in, and he wasn't going to look for me. I think he always knew the end wouldn't be a clean break. No point in fighting it, anyhow. No relapse this time.

I was back home in record time, this time using the front door to go in so I could check in with Charlie. It was close to midnight now, but he still wasn't in. My hastily scribbled note sat on the kitchen table – wait, _what? _I could've sworn I'd left that on the counter…

Had Charlie been here? No, that wasn't possible. He was working late. He wouldn't have –

And then I smelled it.

My body tensed into rock, my knuckles going white as I clenched my fists together, desperately trying to fight down the panic rising in my throat. Someone other than Charlie had been here.

I rushed up to the table and snatched up the note, dragging it across my nose as I inhaled deeply. The scent ignited my senses and I flung it away from me at once, staggering back a few steps.

The smell was unmistakable. Vampire.

The panic consumed me now, every bone in my body shook and the hair rose on my arms. I bolted away from the kitchen and did a quick sweep of the house – my suspicions were confirmed. Whoever had come here had seen the note and left.

Someone was looking for me, and there couldn't be any doubt as to whom it was.

James was able to find us after all.

It wasn't safe here. Or anywhere. I had to tell Charlie. But could I make it all the way to the station? He had seen the note and probably followed the wrong trail, my trail up the mountains where I'd hunted. He probably figured out by now I wasn't there. He had to be headed back now.

There was no way I'd make it to the station. There was only one place close enough I could go.

I took off in a sprint towards the Cullens' home, my head periodically whipping around to make sure I wasn't being followed. I ran as quietly as I could, avoiding breaking branches or touching anything that would let James know I'd been here.

In three strides I had crossed the clearing and scaled the balcony. I shrieked and stumbled backwards, nearly falling off when I collided with Edward.

"Bella, what – "

"He's looking for me. James. He came to my house while I was gone and saw that I had left and now he's coming to kill me. He's out there somewhere, Edward, you've got to h – "

"Bella, Bella," Edward said, grabbing my arms and rubbing them reassuringly. "Slow down. What are you saying? Who is James?"

I gritted my teeth with frustration as I shook Edward's hands away. "James is the vampire that changed me, Edward. He meant to kill me but Charlie saved me when I was about to die. Now he's found us, and he's coming to finish me off. Edward, please, I don't know what to do!"

A shadow had passed over Edward's face and there was anger in his voice when he spoke. "Come inside," he commanded, taking my arm less gently this time and pulling me into his room. He sat me down on the couch and began pacing in front of me. His eyebrows were knitted with worry as he sporadically glanced at me, walking to and fro across his room.

"Edward," I said urgently, suddenly realizing what I had gotten him into, "Edward, I don't want you getting anywhere near James when he finds me. I want you far, far away where he can't hurt you. I'm strong, I can do this on my – "

"No! Don't you _dare_ tell me that, Bella!" he hissed. "I won't let that vile creature _touch_ you. Ever again. I will protect you," he said, kneeling beside me in front of the couch and taking my hands in his, "From anything. I couldn't bear to see you hurt."

I bit my lip to prevent it from trembling. "How can you say that? How can you look me in the eye and tell me that, after everything?"

He looked at me with confusion. "Bella, you don't – "

"You never wanted me, Edward!" I cried with frustration, standing up and wrenching away from him to walk across the room. I spun around and let all the hurt and disappointment in my eyes shine through. "I practically _gave _myself to you. And I know, I know I'm not good enough. I never will be. But don't you tell me you wouldn't see me hurt, Edward Cullen. You see it every _day._ Every time I walk out that door," I gestured angrily to the glass blocking my exit, "And you don't glance twice in my direction. You just don't care."

He stared at me, eyes wide as he approached me and grabbed my arms again, pulling me close. "You think you're not good enough? That I don't care?" he said incredulously.

I pressed my shaking lips together and nodded once, my heart failing as his golden eyes burned into mine.

All the sadness in the world crept into his carefully guarded expression then. "Bella, Bella," he whispered agonizingly. "You don't understand."

"I understand perfectly," I said icily.

"No, you don't," he brushed his hand along my cheekbone with that painfully sad look as he gazed into my eyes, "I might as well tell you the truth now, Bella. I haven't been completely honest with you."

I gazed up at him unsteadily, as if at any moment he might break. He just looked so sad.

"Alice had a vision a week or so after you began seeing Carlisle and Jasper. She saw you getting killed," he took a shaky breath in, "trying to save me. You were protecting me from a very fair, blonde man, a vampire – "

"James," I whispered weakly.

He nodded miserably. "And he killed you. Right in front of my eyes. I though that if I pretended not to feel the way I do, not to care so much, you'd be safe from that future. That you'd be… less inclined to protect me, and you'd allow me to fight him, if this James found you. And that's the way it should've been. But I see there's no use pretending now. So I will just ask you, please, I need you to stay here. With Alice and Esme, until I get back. I'll make you safe again, Bella, I promise you."

"No!" I protested, taking hold of his wrists. "You won't leave me now! I don't _want_ you to fight for me! I can't let you get hurt, either," I whimpered pathetically.

"Bella, please," he begged, stroking my cheek with his thumb, the sadness never leaving his eyes. "Please stay here. I'll be back, I promise."

I suddenly became angry. "No. I won't put your family in danger."

"Don't be so foolish, Bella!"

"_You_," I said furiously, jabbing a finger into his chest, "played _me_ for a fool. You led me to believe you didn't care. For a long time. Do you have the _slightest _idea how that felt?"

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, never letting go of me. I didn't buy it for a second.

"No, you aren't."

"You want to bet?" he challenged.

I shoved him roughly against a wall, my hands pressing hard against his chest. He didn't struggle. "Don't you want me?" I breathed.

He suddenly looked flustered, and glanced at the glass door beside us nervously. "I should go. The longer we're together the more likely it is James will find you before I can find him, and Alice's vision will come true. I can't let that happen."

I pushed harder against him with my palms. "You didn't answer my question. I said," I whispered huskily, and stepped forward to lean against him with my hands still on his chest, "_Don't you want me?_"

His golden eyes penetrated me with a new, raw ferocity I had never seen before. Okay, maybe I overstepped my boundaries a little. This wasn't like me, it really wasn't.

He didn't seem to notice. Before I could think twice, his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer and he crushed my lips to his. I gasped with surprise into his mouth as I fought for control, my fists bunched up desperately in his shirt. He groaned a little as he ran a hand roughly through my hair, his other hand still tightly around my waist and caressing the small of my back. I felt the need and desire grow impossibly stronger, building up painfully fast in my chest.

The couch nearly gave way as I pulled him away from the wall and backed up onto it, bringing him down on top of me. My lips became more urgent against his, kissing him harder as I struggled to satisfy my undying need.

Edward moaned softly as I removed my lips from his and began trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down his neck. I bit his collarbone and he gasped, reaching a hand up my shirt and stroking the soft skin underneath. I opened my eyes and smiled deviously as I flipped us over to straddle him, nipping at his chin before returning my red, swollen lips to his.

"Bella," he sighed into my mouth. "Bella, I have to – "

I whimpered in protest as I brushed my hands through his bronze hair and tugged it in desperation. "Don't stop," I said breathily as I kissed his chiseled jaw with fervor and then back to his mouth.

"Bella," he begged, his voice barely audible against my mouth. His lips didn't seem to falter against mine – he was just as conflicted as I was. The need was too strong.

_Patience, patience, patience._

"No," I said frustratedly as I pulled his hair more, causing him to groan into my mouth in quiet opposition.

"_Bella,_" he said more firmly, and grabbed me by the waist to push me off of him. I gripped his shirt in response, unwilling to quit. Not now.

"Not now," he said shakily, echoing my thoughts. "Let me go."

He jumped up from the couch and walked over to his closet, running a trembling hand through his shining messy hair as he retrieved a leather jacket. He hastily swung it over his shoulders and I bolted up to stand in front of the glass door, blocking his path.

"There isn't any time, Bella," he insisted, gently pushing me out of his way. "I need to track him."

"I need you. Now. Stay with me," I pleaded, taking hold of his shirt once more as I stared up into his topaz eyes. They were warm with desire, urgency, and something else I couldn't place. He brushed a hand across my cheek before wrenching out of my grip and turning to open to door.

"Wait," I begged, grabbing his sleeve. The bees were back again, buzzing and bouncing off the walls of my skull with fear and anguish. Their song of anxiety was deafening, and I reached up to grip my pounding head. A look of intense concern mingled with the golden pool of emotions in Edward's eyes and he reached out to steady me wordlessly.

"Please," I whispered as my head threatened to explode into my palm. "Don't. Or at least don't go alone."

He sighed with exasperation and gave way to my desperate pleas. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I leaned into his, weakly trying to mute the beehive of my mind as I stumbled through Edward's room and downstairs into the hallway.

I was sick, sick with fear, worry and guilt. I couldn't believe I was actually allowing Edward to get involved, let alone his family. I was awful. No, worse than awful. I was every bit as much of a monster as I used to be, with my anger and all. But he was right – I couldn't do this alone. Neither could he.

"Carlisle," Edward called urgently as he knocked on the door of the study. "Carlisle, can we come in? It's important."

Carlisle appeared at the door a second later and his eyes widened with shock when he saw me there, barely standing as I leaned against Edward and held a hand to my buzzing, swimming head. "Bella, what's happened to you? Are you alright?"

"Carlisle, someone hunting Bella. His name is James, and he is the same vampire who turned her into one of our kind. He's tracking Bella as we speak, and he's out to kill. We have to stop him before he finds her."

He shut the door quickly behind him, calling for Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie as he walked us briskly into the living room. He supported my arm as he and Edward set me on a couch. Neither of them sat down, just stared expectantly up at the staircase as the rest of the family filed quickly down the stairs, worry and surprise painted on their faces as they became aware of what was going on.

"Alice's vision is starting to take effect," Carlisle said in a short, clipped tone. "As you know, it is vital that Bella remains here, protected. Esme, Alice, I want you two to stay here and keep watch over her."

He held up a hand when I started to argue. "Emmett, Edward, Rosalie, Jasper and I will go out and track James. Under no circumstances will he ever find you, Bella. We will make sure of that."

I shot up from my seat on the couch, but the buzzing only grew stronger and I instantly felt faint, my knees wobbling as I struggled to find balance. Edward took hold of me then and pulled me back onto the couch, wrapping his arms around me reassuringly and running his hand through my hair. I pushed him away weakly and glared up at Carlisle, his face lined with worry.

"There is no way you are keeping me here, Carlisle. I am every bit as strong as you. Any of you. I may not be a fighter, but if any one of you got hurt I would feel completely responsible. Please, take me with you."

"Absolutely not – "

"Bella, honey – "

"Carlisle, I think it'd be okay – "

"Emmett's right, she'll be fine if – "

Everyone was abruptly cut off by Carlisle's silencing hand. "Enough," he commanded. "Bella," he said, turning to me, "I think it is in all of our best interests – " he shot a glare at Jasper and Emmett, "if you stayed here with Alice and Esme. Please, it's for your own good. You may be strong, but you don't know how to fight. And if _you_ were to be hurt, well," he cast a knowing glance at Edward, "we'd all be devastated."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine," I mumbled.

Carlisle, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper got up and headed for the door. "But don't get hurt, or I'll kill all four of you!" I cried after them.

Edward stopped and lingered at the door for a moment, staring at me longingly. I pushed the furious buzzing to the back of my mind and shot up from the couch, launching myself into his waiting arms.

I buried my face in his shirt and breathed in shakily. "Please come back to me," a sob escaped my throat. "Come back."

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and stroked my hair. "Soon, love, soon."

I gazed up at him, and was filled with a strange, nameless emotion. The bees were silenced at once when I found myself lost in the deep topaz fathoms of his eyes. They shone with the emotion that mirrored my own. I smiled sadly at that, and put my hand to his cheek. "I'll miss you. Please be safe."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be back before you know it."

"Promise?"

He took my hand and pressed it to his still heart. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

I growled. "You better not."

"So long, kid," he smiled and squeezed my hand once before disappearing out the front door.

I was suddenly filled with immeasurable grief and crumpled to the floor, choking out another dry sob. Alice rushed to my side and knelt beside me, hugging me tightly as I cried tearlessly onto her narrow shoulder.

We stayed like that for a while, and as the minutes passed my worry and grief swarmed my thoughts in an all-consuming, buzzing fury. I couldn't cry anymore; I simply rested against the wall, Alice at my side as I held my knees to my chest and trembled with fear.

_Please come back to me. Come back. Come back, come back, come back._

Alice suddenly gasped and my head whipped around to see if my prayers had been answered – no. The hall was as vacant as ever. I turned to look at Alice and saw that a dark, frightened shadow had passed over her closed eyes. They snapped open suddenly, blank with shock as she turned to me.

"I didn't see them before," she said slowly, fear lacing her tone. "There are three."

"What?" I asked with sick disbelief. _No. No. _No.

Esme was at Alice's side then, intense worry marking her every word. "What did you see, Alice?"

She looked up at Esme miserably.

"James brought a couple friends."

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**A/N:** Aha, a cliffhanger! Okay, don't hate me for all this new James nonsense. Hopefully you *sort of* saw that coming. I have a lot planned out for the next several chapters, so stay tuned.

Reviews are loved ( :


	12. A Martyr For My Love For You

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

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Running.

As the haze of cold fear clouded my vision and I forgot how to breathe, I felt like I was on the very brink of losing consciousness. I didn't know if vampires could faint. I didn't have the time or capacity to question it.

My thoughts faded into panic and I was dizzy with the black emotions that pounded in my skull, cracking the beehive of my quickly failing mind. But I couldn't stop running now. Esme and Alice were close behind.

One of the few perks of being a newborn is you're about _that_ much better at everything than any other of your kind. The way I was going, I could've outrun a fighter jet. But then again, I was, in a sense, running for my life.

There was a word for this kind of event, the kind that plagues and diseases your life in one fell swoop, tearing you apart limb from limb and burning the pieces.

Right. I think it's called a catastrophe. Side effects include panic, nausea, fainting, cranial implosion, and death of loved ones. And why stop there? Don't forget the obligatory postlude death of oneself. You can't miss out on that.

So why, you ask, did this happen to me?

Some might say it was fate. Inevitable. The infallible, set-in-stone prose of destiny. Others might say I was just paying the karmic bill. Getting what I deserved for involving a wonderful, innocent family in my entirely destructive present.

If I could decide, I'd choose the latter. At least tonight, I was going to die for something. Or, rather, someone.

Really, I'd be killing two birds with one stone: the complication and the catalyst. I nearly ruined the Cullens' life by involving them. As far as I was concerned, James and I, we deserved exactly what we got. He was just going to get it first, that was all.

_I'm coming, Edward,_ I thought to myself as I flew through the dark of the forest. Light was already peeking out from behind the mountains in the distance. It'd be dawn soon. I'd better make this quick.

I wasn't precisely sure what I planned on doing once I'd found James and his followers. I knew one thing – I had to protect Edward and his family. I didn't know how, but I would do it. Something in the back of my mind screamed for me to.

James and I had more than just bad karma in common. We also had similar goals: to kill one another. The only exception was, I didn't expect to make it out alive. If James got the upper hand, that was it. Lights out. Show's over. Cue the curtains.

I could vaguely hear Alice and Esme's frantic cries behind me as I stumbled blindly through the woods, following the scent I recognized as Edward's, and a few fainter ones I assumed to belong to James and his group. My chest clenched with fear as I carried on through the night.

I skidded to a stop in a small clearing a little ways up the mountain. My trail smelled to have split in two directions. _Damn it. _Edward must've lost them.

"Well, well, well, look who decided to join the party."

I froze, a shiver running up my spine as I bit down hard on my lip to stifle my cry. "James," I said weakly and turned to face my fate.

Every bit of his vicious grin had been ingrained in my memory the night I was changed, so the glint of his bared teeth and the murderous fire in his blood red eyes did not catch me off guard. His lithe movements, the sinewy muscles in his arms, the eerie perfection of his pale white face that was only intensified when spattered with new blood… nothing had changed. He looked as much like death as he ever would. I expected nothing less.

"I've been looking for you everywhere, darlin'. Didya miss me?"

I didn't reply, just stood there stock-still, counting the seconds until I could work up the courage to spring.

He giggled, a sharp, mocking sound that pierced the still quiet of the sunless early morning. "Well, honey, I missed you too. Are you surprised to see me? I should have called."

My muscles twitched with anticipation. All I needed was something to divert his attention for one second. Then I'd go for the neck.

"Oh, that's right," he said, snapping his fingers with a toothy grin that stopped my breath in my throat, cold with fear. "Have you met my friends? Heya, Victoria! Come on out, baby!"

A somewhat dazed looking redhead skipped out of the clearing, tugging along a younger-looking, dark haired male with dried blood on the front of his scruffy white shirt. The woman was at James' side in a matter of seconds, gazing at me coldly. "James, you know I don't like to be kept waitin'. Now, are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on? I thought you said it was safe to hunt here, and now we're being chased down like a bunch'a fugitives!"

James smiled wickedly at me before turning to her and petting the top of her head. "I have a little business to attend to first. Victoria, old girl, have you met my good friend Bella? That's all right. She won't be with us long."

Victoria's confused expression turned to one of anger as the truth behind James' words hit her. "Is that what this is all about? All this time, we've been huntin' this _girl_? James, we can't just kill one of our own – "

"It ain't like that, Vicky baby," James crooned. "Her daddy done me wrong back in the day, and all I want is a little rev – "

"James!" Victoria screeched furiously. "This is ridiculous! You're acting _crazy!_"

James growled menacingly at Victoria and before I could react, jumped to hold my arms captive behind my back with one hand wrapped firmly around my throat. I thrashed in his grip, but he was still stronger than me. I was rendered helpless in the arms of my own demise. I had expected no less. He'd kill me right here, with so few witnesses, and the Cullens would be safe. A humble death for a noble cause.

But hell, how I wished I could have seen Edward one last time before I was thrown piece by piece into the bonfire of my bitter end.

Emitting another low growl, James pulled my head roughly by the hair, tipping my head back to expose my throat. "Just like old times, right, little girl? Your daddy would be so proud of you, risking your life for that pitiful group that insisted on chasin' us through every corner of this damn forest. That kid with the coppery hair seemed very enthusiastic about finding us. Honey, I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds what's left of you…"

I snarled and whipped out of his grip, and in one swift movement had struck him hard on the face, sending him flying back to hit the ground. With a roar of rage I pounced on top of him and pinned him to the ground. "You leave Edward out of this," I hissed.

A pair of hands wrenched me off of James' frame, who shook with maniacal laughter as I was shoved to the ground by a furious-looking Victoria. "Enough," she sputtered through clenched teeth. "James, let's go. You too," she motioned to the dark-haired, young vampire who was glaring at James with contempt. "I didn't sign up for this, James," Victoria snapped. "I don't want to kill nobody, nobody like us at least."

"Too bad," James said in a dangerously low voice as he licked his lips apprehensively, his eyes flickering from Victoria to me as he coiled to attack.

He sprung and I braced to defend myself, but the dark-haired vampire beat me to it. He caught James mid-spring and pushed him away from me, his palm on James' chest. "Stop," he warned. "You lied to us, Victoria and I. You never said nothin' about revenge. You said we was hunting. This ain't hunting, James. This is murder."

James roared with pent-up anger and frustration, and successfully lunged at me this time – landing us hard on the ground. I heard a definite _crack_ as my skull came in contact with the hard ground, and his looming figure swam before my eyes. He snarled and grabbed me by the hair, hauling me up and tossing me carelessly like a rag doll against a tree trunk. I slid down to its base, my back against its splintery bark as the dazed defeat washed over me like a kerosene wave prepping me for fire after death.

The dark-haired vampire jumped between us again, just in the niche of time before James hit me again. My vision was swimming famously, a chiaroscuro of reds and blacks and candid flashes of white. My fate was a sordid work of art painted in the best of colored, acrylic venom. A masterpiece of light and death rattles. I chuckled to myself deliriously, my head lolling against the tree trunk.

I heard a grunt as my young savior with hair black as jet punched James hard in the stomach. Victoria shrieked and ran to protect James' fallen figure. I grinned at him sheepishly when he turned to kneel by my side. His hair shone in the white-red fireworks of my peripherals. Jet, shining jet. Man, was he shiny, a real ray of sun in my finest hour. I still didn't know his name. "Hey, Sunny," I giggled and allowed myself to collapse under the tree, resting my face in the cool dirt. "It's all right now. Let James have at it. I can't win, and he'll sooner kill Edward or Charlie if he can't kill me…"

A rush of shivers went down my spine, a cold front in the heat of my passionate murder. I gritted my teeth and swallowed the growing pain coming from the back of my head. The bees had returned full-force, threatening me with a cerebral A-bomb as they pounded on the walls of my skull. _Get out, get out!_

Were they talking to me?

A thousand clicks took place in my brain at once and I suddenly remembered myself. The daze from my semi-concussion lifted like fog and I gasped for breath against the dirty terrain. The dark-haired vampire took me by the elbow and helped me to my feet.

I started as roar came from the trees behind us. "Get your filthy hands off her!"

The young vampire's hand was gone in an instant, caught unaware as Edward sprang into the clearing. I heard a sickening tear and crunch of bone, and I knew at once my poor savior was dead.

The bees returned. _Buzz, buzz. Dead, dead, dead. _

My fault.

Before I could blink I felt another hand on my arm. "Charlie!" I gasped with surprise. I could read his face like a book by now – every line around his eyes, every crease in his frown, an Etch-A-Sketch of concern and apologies. It didn't take a genius to read between the lines; he blamed himself for James' return. _It's okay; I forgive you,_ I wanted to say.

I didn't speak. It was too early to be certain. Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper stood in the clearing, facing a seething, injured James and a horrified Victoria. Their skin had just begun to sparkle in the light of an approaching dawn, unmoving in marble restraint. What were they waiting for?

_Edward._ Where did he go? The bees hummed with renewed ferocity.

"Charlie," I said urgently, panic rising like bile in my throat. "Where is Edward?"

"He went to get Alice and Esme," he mumbled, his eyes focused on the hissing, infuriated face of James. "I went looking for you as soon as I saw your note and caught James' scent. I was afraid I'd be too late," He paused, and glanced at me with a mixture of relief and dismay. "But then I ran into Alice and Esme, who told me they were running after _you._ We found Carlisle's group a few minutes later and all hell broke loose – none of us knew where you were. Edward… he just lost it completely. He ran ahead to track you on his own, and we tried to follow. Alice and Esme stayed behind to keep watch for you, to see if you'd return. But here you are," he gestured about the clearing, his voice growing angry, "You nearly got killed, Bella. Thank god Edward found you in time."

I opened my mouth to protest but whipped around when I heard a shout from the middle of the clearing. James and Victoria were being restrained by Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie, hissing and snapping as they were held fast. Carlisle ran to the edge of the clearing to meet Edward, Alice, and Esme as they emerged from the woods. Alice bolted immediately to assist Rosalie in holding back a wildly thrashing Victoria, screeching incoherently as she fought to break free.

I moved to run to Edward's side, but Charlie held me back. "No, Bella. Let them handle this."

Edward approached the hissing, spitting James slowly, taking time to survey his potential kill. His shaking fists were clenched white and his chiseled jaw was set in a hard line. He leaned in towards James, slowly at first, relishing every hiss of fury and warning growl. Then without warning, his hand snapped forward and he took James roughly by the collar and flung him back, pinning him to the ground. I looked away as Edward tore off an ear. James screamed with rage and agony as Emmett dragged him out of Edward's murderous grip. Jasper put a hand to Edward's chest, signaling for him to stop.

Victoria's loud cry of despair echoed off the mountains and reverberated through the trees as James was torn limb from limb. "Start a fire! Get a fire going!" I heard Carlisle cry. I buried my head in Charlie's shoulder and heaved a dry sob.

Another booming yell echoed in the clearing, this time from Emmett. "Now her!" He waved towards Victoria like she was some kind of filth.

"_NO!_" I screeched suddenly and tore from Charlie's grip. I ran to Emmett's side and tugged at his arm weakly, still faint from the blow to my head. "Don't, Emmett, don't! She didn't know! James lied to her, he lied! She never wanted to kill me! Emmett, please – "

"Bella, calm down," Carlisle said, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder as he gestured to Victoria, who lay sobbing in a trembling heap on the ground. "We know she isn't at fault here. We aren't going to kill her." I relaxed under his hand at once. _No more death. Please, no more._

"But we aren't going to just let her go free," he said seriously. "That would be dangerous to all of us, you especially."

Edward spun around from where he had stood with Jasper. "_What?"_ he exclaimed incredulously. "Of course we are going to kill her, Carlisle." Victoria let out another bellowing cry.

"No, Edward," Carlisle said firmly. "We will do no such thing."

"But she's completely guilty! After all, she went around with that vile James and his disgusting little minion, that dark-haired boy…"

"Disgusting?" I cried in disbelief. "He was protecting me, Edward! He saved me from James when he was trying to kill me! James lied to Victoria and that boy, Edward, they didn't realize his intentions. And you killed him! You killed that poor boy! And now you want to kill Victoria, too? How could you, Edward?"

Edward stared at me with shock and anger. "How can you be defending these… these monsters, Bella? They were after _you!_ And now that this Victoria is pleading innocent just to avoid the consequences, you're siding with _her?_"

"Are you kidding me? That's your argument? That just because they happened to be in the wrong place with the wrong guy, they should pay with their lives? How can you… I can't believe you…" The furious, discombobulated buzzing in my head amplified and boiled over, and I crumpled to the ground with a frustrated sob. "Edward," I whimpered. "Please don't. No more, okay? I can't… please just don't hurt anyone else… please, no more." I shook as the tearless sobs turned to hysterics. "No more, no more, no more…"

"Shh," Edward whispered as he knelt in front of me and took me into his arms. "Shh, Bella, love, don't cry. Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." He rocked me and stroked my hair as I cried desperately into his shirt. My head threatened to explode and Victoria's mournful wails felt like repeated blows to my chest. How to fix this? Where do we go from here?

"This isn't right," I sobbed. "I was supposed to die for you, remember? There weren't supposed to be any others. Just James and I. It's not supposed to be this way." I let out a soft cry of surprise and hurt when he suddenly pulled away and got up.

"Edward – "

He ignored me and went to speak with Carlisle. I stared at him as the pain in my chest built up quickly to match the pain in my head.

I had gotten him involved, his whole family. They had two deaths on their hands and one pending execution. They all had every right to hate me. But the very idea of Edward resenting me for making him part of this, for putting him in this uncomfortable position made panic buzz in my head and an unnamed something stir in my heart.

"Bella, sweetie," Alice spoke softly as she kneeled by my side. "Everything's going to be okay, you know that, right? Esme's going to take care of it. Don't worry."

I looked at her with confusion marking my pained face. "Esme?"

Alice gazed at me expectantly, and when I did not respond, she let out a light chuckle and patted my arm. "You mean you don't know what Esme can do? Her gift?"

I shook my head no.

"She can erase memories, Bella. Esme's going to make sure Victoria forgets about us, about Forks, even about James. She'll go to sleep, if you can believe it, and all of her memories will just slip away for good. By the time she wakes up she'll be as confused as ever, but we'll just tell her we found her a few miles up the mountain and she must've hit her head hunting or something. Then when she's stable enough to leave, we'll give her a plane ticket to as far away as possible and you'll never have to see or hear from her again."

"Wow," I breathed, calm resolve floating into my head and distilling the angry clouds of bees. There was nothing more I could say. Was this it? The antidote to the damage I've caused? I'd only breathe easy again when this was over.

I reluctantly allowed Alice to grab my arm and hoist me from the ground. "See? Everything's fine. We've got it all under control. You're safe now, Bells."

I choked on the breath I had been holding in as the glint of love and remorse filled my eyes. "Alice," my voice cracked. "I've ruined everything, haven't I? I mean, any one of you could've been hurt. I put you all in danger, I shouldn't have – "

"Shh, Bella," Alice hushed, petting my hair reassuringly. "Don't be silly. We're all just glad Edward got here in time to help you. You could've been killed, sweetie. This wasn't your fault."

I collapsed into her arms and heaved a sob from my clenched throat. "I'm so sorry this happened, Alice," I whispered shakily. "I only left because I wanted to protect all of you. When you said James brought friends, I got scared. I was afraid I'd lose one of you."

She continued to pet my hair silently as I shook with unshed tears. _Unforgivable, unforgivable, your fault… _The bees reverberated off the walls of my skull, their buzzing bitter and resentful.

I looked over to where Carlisle and Edward stood; no glances were spared in my direction. Not that I deserved any. Another mental slap inside my head. _Your fault, you lose. _The buzzing was deafening.

Carlisle finally looked over to where Alice and I stood and concern washed over his features. "Esme," he said quickly, "It's time."

I turned to watch as Esme approached the defeated Victoria, who lay in quiet mourning of lost love on the ground. She turned her dirt-smeared, hopeless expression up to look at Esme. Her face was expressionless, and her eyes hollow. A silent surrender in the face of fate.

"Victoria," Esme said softly, "Is it true you had no intentions of hurting our Bella?" I cringed at that, _our Bella_; they had not resolved to disown me completely yet. I still had time, maybe a few hours' worth before I would be asked to go quietly.

Victoria nodded weakly and turned her face back onto the ground, a small sob escaping her throat. I felt a twinge of sadness for her – like me, she was truly about to lose everything.

Esme said no more, and walked up to where Victoria lay trembling in the dirt. She reached out to touch Victoria, receiving a hiss and snap of teeth.

"I won't hurt you," Esme promised, but her stance was defensive, her eyes wary and distrusting.

With that, Esme placed her delicate hand on Victoria's wild red hair and, before she could react, shut her eyes and a look of intense focus replaced her uneasy expression. Victoria did not make a sound as her clear emerald eyes rolled back into her head.

I let out a gust of air I had been holding in with a horrified gasp when Esme's eyes suddenly snapped open, revealing no pupils – simply the whites of her eyes, blind and unseeing, twin orbs of nothingness. But Carlisle and everyone else weren't swayed by the shocking image. They stood together in calm resolve as I shook with fear in Alice's arms.

And at once, Esme stumbled back and Victoria collapsed in a heap once again onto the dirt. She was unconscious.

Esme looked down at her with a mixture of sympathy and trepidation and then turned back to Carlisle. "Consider her harmless. As of now, James doesn't exist. And to her, he never did."

Carlisle nodded with approval and smiled as he turned to address the rest of us. "Emmett, Rosalie, take Victoria here and put her in one of the spare rooms as soon as we get home. Alice, keep hold of Bella as we run. She has a slight head injury and I want you to make sure she gets back okay. When we get to the house, Charlie can take it from there. Everyone, let's get out of here."

Alice took me gently by the arm and led me behind the rest of the group. I watched Edward as her walked alongside Carlisle towards the woods, still refusing to turn around. My confidence wilted further and I slumped in Alice's grip. Charlie walked beside us, absorbed in his own thoughts as he occasionally reached out to steady me.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked worriedly as I lowered my eyes to the ground.

"I think Edward hates me," I said quietly, hoping Charlie wasn't paying attention.

Alice scoffed. "Of course he doesn't. He's just…" she paused and flashed me an uncertain smile. "A little upset, is all. He'll get over it."

"What can I do to fix it?" I begged weakly, my head buzzing with renewed ferocity. _You lost, your fault. _

She shrugged and patted my arms, her face smiling still but her eyes concerned and uneasy. "You don't need to do anything. He'll come around, promise."

I slumped further into her shoulder and let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah," I murmured. "I hope so."

I stared at Edward's figure as his muscles tensed and he and the rest of the group sprung forward in a sprint home.

_I was supposed to die for you, remember?_

--------------------------

_Defiance screamed louder than words as I swatted away the owl as it desperately tried to restrain me. I pulled from its iron grip and started to run towards the black sea to follow the retreating shadow into the water, the cold wind of the night whipping my face and ruffling the bird's white feathers as it cawed angrily. I could not go far; I was back in his protective claws in a matter of seconds. I turned my furious eyes on the owl, and my own golden fire was reflected in his huge liquid topaz eyes, burning with determination and love as he pulled me away from the shoreline… _

"Five minutes, Bells, and then we're going home," Charlie stated, walking ahead of me as we stepped into the clearing by the Cullens' home.

I broke from my half-dream with a quiet gasp and turned to nod at him tiredly as I approached the front side of the house. My gait was uncertain and probably looked as reluctant as I felt to follow the Cullens inside.

Failure.

I had tried so hard to will myself into that half-dream as Alice and Charlie dragged me at high speed through the forest, channeling all the sparse energy and every ounce of passion I had into creating the near future I wanted. What I got was nonsensical and unsettling, not at all what I needed now.

What I needed was for Edward to want me again. For him to hold me tightly to his chest and call me "love" again and stroke my hair. For him to silence the furious hive of bees that unceasingly chanted my defeat. My only love. My drug of choice. I couldn't stand being away from him. Being so close and yet so far away, still standing outside his house, this was withdrawal.

There was no hope for rehabilitation now. I had only made it two steps on the road to recovery before tripping over the rock that was the third: relinquish the life choice to pursue the bad habit. Letting go, it seemed, was completely unfathomable. There was no life without Edward.

"Come on, Bella," Charlie chided me as he stood near Esme, their eyes both on me.

Esme stood at the front door, holding it open for us as I stepped onto the porch. Everyone had already gone inside, the unconscious Victoria and the very conscious Edward included. The thought made me shift uneasily on my feet as I strained myself to return Esme's easy smile as I walked silently into the house alongside Charlie.

The buzz in my pounding head went up to an impossibly higher decibel level as we walked with Esme into the living room, to find the rest of the family sitting on chairs and couches, awaiting my arrival. This, of course, must have been the part where they ask me to never come back. Surely what I had put them through had damaged our bond irrevocably.

I was the lowest of the low. Scum. If I had been them, I'd have cast me out long before I stepped through the front door.

Alice got up from her place on the couch next to Jasper and went to stand beside me, her warm smile mirroring Esme's as she took my hand.

She was the first to speak. "Bella," Alice said lightly, a twinge of sadness in her voice as she held my hand so gingerly I was sure she was trying not to break me, "there's something we need to say to you before you and Charlie go back home. Both of you."

I shook my head frantically and backed out of her delicate grip towards the divider wall between the living room and the front entrance. "Please," I begged, holding my buzzing head together with both hands in lieu of its explosion. "You don't have to say it. I know, I know," I pressed my back into the wall as the internal fight between the angry bees and their confining cranial space continued. "I won't come back, ever. Don't have to say it. Won't…" I gritted my teeth at the deafening buzzing in my skull that enhanced the struggle to speak, "Trouble you. Any more. No more… danger."

Alice's eyes widened and she gaped at me. "_What?" _she finally asked incredulously, and several voices behind her echoed the same question.

I must have looked so pathetic, leaning against the wall, shaking and gripping my near-exploding head. I took a ragged breath in and looked to the floor. I couldn't bear to return any of the Cullens' shocked gazes. I didn't deserve their kindness, they didn't need to let me off easy. I would go quietly, just like they must have wanted.

"I'll go now. Don't worry," I steadied myself against the wall before motioning to Charlie that it was time to leave. "You won't hear from me again."

Sensing my disease and mental pain, Charlie was instantly at my side, holding my arm to balance me. "We're very sorry for all the trouble this caused," he said to the Cullens as he led me carefully towards the door. He met eyes with Carlisle, whose eyes were wide and full of sadness as he watched us leave. "Thank you all for your kindness and friendship to Bella. I think I speak for both of us when I say how much we appreciate everything you've done. Bella," Charlie then looked at me, "I'll give you a minute. I'll wait outside."

He let go of my arm and gave it a quick pat before heading out. I turned my miserable eyes back to the people I had come to regard as my family and forced one last wavering smile. "I… um," I stuttered, removing one hand from my head and shoving it in my pocket. "I'm really sorry, you guys. For everything. I just wish…" I pressed my lips together to hold back a sob. "I just want the best for you all. And I, I just…" I then pressed both hands to my face to stifle my grief and pain. Something was tearing inside me, and the bees were at a standstill. This was it, the severance I had anticipated since the moment I told Edward I was being followed.

Edward.

I uncovered my red-rimmed, tired eyes to look one last time on the perfect face of my only will to live. He stood in the corner of the room, his elbows resting on top of the piano as he held his face in his hands. He must have sensed my gaze and turned his beautiful golden eyes to meet mine. They held deep pain that could only reflect my own. We must have looked the same then, our topaz eyes swimming with despair and our expressions broken as we must have felt.

There was no hate in the way he looked at me. I suppose that would come with time.

But then he did something I had not anticipated. He suddenly bolted up from his place at the piano and, before I could blink, had enveloped me in a strong, desperate embrace. He pressed his face into my hair and breathed in shakily, his grip so tight I could not physically do the same. The tearing in my chest focused all of its efforts on one select place now: my heart.

Oh, my heart, my heart.

"Don't you leave me," Edward mumbled into my hair, his arms wrapping around me tighter to still my weak, shaking body. "You will _never_ leave me."

I took his face in my hands and turned his anguished gaze to meet mine. The disbelief drained from my face instantly and the tearing paused as I at last recognized the unnamed emotion behind the pain in his eyes. Could it be? Had my dream come true after all?

His soft words echoed my buzzing thoughts, the bees for once in harmony with my hopes as my whole being and soul prayed they would not be dashed. "Bella," he murmured, the sadness in his eyes lacing the warmth of his breath. "Bella, I – Please, just don't leave us. Don't leave me. We never wanted you to go. We only wanted to tell you how sorry we were, that we hadn't told you from the start about Alice's vision. About how sorry we were that I didn't get there sooner to protect you. We never meant for anything to happen to you, for you to get hurt. We would never, ever ask you to leave. We all… care about you so much, Bella," his eyes shone with meaning as they penetrated mine with raw intensity, "More than you know."

That really killed me. Somehow he – _they – _still wanted me here, even after everything that had happened. It was shocking, although the shock was a welcome sensation in my numb and tired bones.

They still care. I would be naïve to doubt that.

"And I am so sorry," he whispered as he stroked my hair and the pain seeped back into his eyes, "that James hurt you again and I wasn't there to stop him. That _I_ hurt you by walking away when you said that Alice's vision was how it was supposed to be, that you were supposed to… die in my place. That was so selfish of me, and you were being so unselfish. I just couldn't bear the thought that you would've let that happen, that you would've given your life for me. I couldn't live with myself if you did."

What the older, more mature Bella would have said was what was in her heart. Right then, I could have distilled my worn-out teenage naivety and let my truest feelings finally shine through. I knew at that point I was deeply in love with Edward Cullen. I knew I had to tell him.

_I love you. I would never leave you. I would die for you. _

What the immature, still-naïve Bella managed to choke out was something entirely different.

"Edward…" I choked, looking to my feet to hide the emotion on my face. I didn't know what to say. Well, I did, but I didn't know how to say it the right way. So I didn't.

I stood there dumbly and couldn't find any more words. I was pathetic. Beyond pathetic. I simply couldn't bring myself to tell him. I slumped in his strong arms and said no more.

After another minute of silence his arms relaxed and I pulled away. Esme was at my side in an instant and pulled me into a warm embrace. "We're just glad you're safe, honey. And you know you're always welcome here. No matter what."

I smiled a little at her words as she let go and managed a small wave at the rest of the family before backing towards the door. Edward followed suit and my hand rested uncertainly on the doorknob. I finally looked up to meet his gaze and my breath caught in my throat.

They say eyes are the window to the soul. I wasn't sure if vampires still had one, but whatever lay in his smoldering golden gaze was the closest we would probably ever come. My lips parted into a small sigh as he brushed his hand along my cheekbone reverently before covering my hand with his and opening the front door.

It was daybreak now. The sun was positioned above the dark green of the forest, suspended in pale, early-morning glory over the quietly awakening town. A beautiful panorama for a Thursday that couldn't have begun worse.

Charlie stood at the edge of the lawn, awaiting me patiently as I took one last glance at Edward. His eyes glinted and he smiled slightly before letting go of my hand. I could feel his eyes on my back as I met Charlie at the end of the driveway and we departed wordlessly.

_I would die for you._

--------------------------

I went through the school day like a zombie. I was exhausted. Preoccupied. The bees in my brain had waged a war in my head, ripping and buzzing through my cerebellum, rendering me jumpy and impossibly weak. By the time lunch rolled around, I wanted to curl up on a cafeteria bench and knock myself out. I was almost jealous of the way Victoria slept soundly, still as a corpse in a locked upstairs bedroom of the Cullens' home.

"You okay, Bella?" Angela asked with concern as I leaned my head into my hands, elbows resting on the grimy lunch table.

"Yeah," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes furiously and smiling up at Angela's worried face. "Yeah, just tired."

She patted my hand with sympathy before engrossing herself in one of Jessica and Lauren's inane conversations. I sighed heavily and turned my head a little to subtly glance at the Cullens' table in the far corner of the cafeteria. I frowned – Edward was gone.

I hauled myself up from the table and shuffled quickly to where Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie sat, conversing sparingly as they rested on their partner's shoulders. They looked just as tired as I did. I felt a little prick of regret as I sat down on the empty bench where Edward normally sat. Alice grinned brightly despite her weary expression while the others just watched me curiously. It wasn't often that I went to see them during school hours.

"Hey, Bells," Alice chirped. "Haven't seen you in a while."

I chuckled slightly and smiled. "Yeah, it's been ages. So, um, where's...?"

"He's in the library," Alice shrugged, cutting me off. "Said something about peace and quiet. He's such a bore sometimes. Maybe you should go keep him company." She got a devious look in her eye that instantly warded me off. "I bet he'd appreciate it greatly."

I nodded shortly and got up hastily, hoping this time to avoid the Edward-related jokes I knew were bound to come out of her or Jasper's mouth in a matter of seconds. "Okay, see you guys later," I waved and rushed out of the cafeteria as Alice and Jasper began sniggering behind me.

The sparsely lit library was usually near deserted during lunch, and I was grateful for that. I opened the door cautiously and at once saw him – Edward sat in a wooden chair towards the back, reading a thick, leather-bound book, his mouth turned down at the corners.

I stepped gingerly through the aisles of books, fingers playing nervously with the hem of my shirt as I stopped to stand in front of him. He glanced up from his book and the contemplative look on his face dissipated. He smiled at me in greeting and laced his fingers in mine. My heart fluttered in response.

Why was I here? I had nothing noteworthy to say, no points to make. I wasn't about to get down on one knee in this dimly lit, stuffy old library and profess my love to him. What did I think I was even _doing_ here?

I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sudden blaring of the bell. Time for class. I groaned with annoyance and cast Edward an apologetic glance. His smile simply widened as he stood up. He took a step forward so his side was aligned with mine, and looped one arm around my waist. He turned his head and leaned his face toward my ear, his mouth lightly grazing the top of my cheekbone. "Tonight," he breathed into my ear and squeezed my waist once before jetting out of that dim, dusty library without another word. I clutched a shaking hand to my chest and took in an unsteady breath.

_Tonight._

--------------------------

Dragging a still-trembling hand through my hair one last time, I hauled myself out of my window and bolted into the dark forest towards the Cullens' house. Everything looked different than usual – illuminated, vibrant, defined. The dead of night wasn't usually this bright. It was staggering. And I hadn't stopped shaking since Edward last spoke to me.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have to. He'd be there. That's all that mattered. Whatever he wanted me for, that didn't matter. I had to tell him. Tonight.

The three words pulsed in my head, a steady buzz that mingled with the quiet storm of bees in my mind. He needed to know.

I had spent a shocking amount of time getting ready to leave; meticulously brushing my long chestnut hair, choosing the right shirt to go with my black jeans, even struggling with the mascara wand for a while. I had to look okay. Or at least presentable. I nearly felt pleased when I glanced in the mirror once more before leaving.

Nothing too out of the ordinary. Pale, near translucent skin. Somewhat modest getup. The morbidly inviting face of a predator.

I didn't know what beautiful looked like to a vampire. To me, I just looked okay.

By the time I'd reached the ground under Edward's balcony I began to doubt myself again. Maybe now wasn't the time. It could be too early to tell him. The timing could be terribly wrong.

I shook my head quickly and rubbed my temples. No time like the present.

I scaled the wall effortlessly and swung over onto the balcony. The curtain on the glass door was drawn. I took a deep breath to steady myself, pushing my hair back before knocking twice on the door. I began chewing my lip nervously and played with a strand of my hair.

The door suddenly slid open loudly and I let out a little squeak of surprise when a strong, familiar hand pulled me inside. "Edward, what're you –"

His arm wrapped protectively around my waist and he steered me towards the other door, the one leading out into the upstairs hallway. Panic rose as quick as the decibel level of buzzing in my head. "Where are we –"

He thrust the door open and I gasped as we nearly ran into Emmett and Jasper. They barely glanced at us as they strode into the room adjacent to Edward's. He led me behind them and I faltered as soon as we stepped into the room. Alice, Rosalie, and Esme stood on the rug in the middle of the room while Carlisle paced the floor restlessly. They were all talking at once.

"Must've miscalculated the time…"

"Should have checked on her more often…"

"Wonder where she could have gone…"

I turned my wide eyes back to Edward, who stared with a hard expression at the open window beside the bed towards the back of the room. "Edward, what is going on here?"

He turned his hard eyes on me, and they instantly melted into a regretful, worried stare. He pulled me closed to his side and his arm became impossibly tighter around my waist. I looked confusedly up at him and he frowned, the crease between his eyebrows deepening. "She's gone."

"Who?" I stammered, already knowing the answer.

"Victoria's escaped."

--------------------------

**A/N: **Because I know how much y'all love the cliffhangers.

Sorry it took so ridiculously long to post this. I'll try to get another one up soon, depending on the response I get on this one and all.

Reviews make me absolutely buzz with joy. ( :


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